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Ryan Faller Archives

Harvard archeologists uncover suspected Paterno fossil

CAIRO, EGYPT -- A group of stunned archeologists from Harvard University made a historic find early Tuesday, when they unearthed an ancient fossil believed to be a human tibia at [continue reading...]

Posted on April 2nd, 2008

Group of Russian NHL players set to block new MLS ruling

WASHINGTON, DC -- A formidable assembly of both current and former NHL players gathered before the governing body of Major League Soccer Monday morning, where they plan to protest the [continue reading...]

Posted on March 31st, 2008

CBS execs to begin giving Nantz testosterone injections

DETROIT, MI -- CBS announced Wednesday it will be taking unprecedented measures to further improve the already stellar television ratings generated by its coverage of the NCAA tournament. A source within [continue reading...]

Posted on March 27th, 2008

Daly to play supporting role in Beerfest sequel

NAPLES, FL -- Embattled professional golfer John Daly scored a victory of sorts off the course Wednesday, as sources close to the former British Open champion tell SSNN that Daly [continue reading...]

Posted on March 26th, 2008

Fan says he was greeted by former NFL commish at Wal-Mart

VIRGINIA BEACH, VA -- Terry McCulloch refers to himself as nothing short of a die-hard football fan, and says his Sundays from early September clear through January are spent surfing [continue reading...]

Posted on March 25th, 2008

Green encouraged by Crystal, plans to try out at fullback

MALIBU, CA -- Far be it from 60-year Billy Crystal to initiate any sort of passing Hollywood fad, but a shocking statement made by a fellow show-business employee indicates the [continue reading...]

Posted on March 21st, 2008

Fox Sports accusing Simmons of breach of contract

CULVER CITY, CA -- Animated exercise expert Richard Simmons is under fire today, as Fox Sports has filed suit against him after years of Vice President Ed Goren vehemently accusing [continue reading...]

Posted on March 20th, 2008

IOC to move games to American heartland

LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND -- The International Olympic Committee announced from its headquarters Tuesday that a number of high-ranking members, including President Jacques Rogge, have unanimously voted to remove the upcoming Olympic [continue reading...]

Posted on March 19th, 2008

Faneca says little known skill helped in contract negotiation

LAMAR, TX -- Alan Faneca recently became the highest-paid offensive lineman in NFL history when he signed a four-year contract with a Jets team that struggled mightily last season, particularly [continue reading...]

Posted on March 18th, 2008

Lunardi: “I actually wanted to be an accountant”

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Joe Lunardi sits slumped over in his favorite easy chair and lets out a huge sigh of relief following Sunday's NCAA Tournament selection show, a practice that [continue reading...]

Posted on March 17th, 2008

Yao tired of watching, chasing Hollywood dream

HOUSTON, TX -- Apparently the Houston Rockets' run at a number one seed in the Western Conference playoffs and basketball history simply won't suffice for oft-injured Yao Ming. The seven-footer [continue reading...]

Posted on March 14th, 2008

CBS’ Johnson being sued over catchphrase

PONTE VEDRA, FL -- College basketball announcer Gus Johnson stood on the steps of a Florida courthouse as he prepared for the fight of his life or, at the very [continue reading...]

Posted on March 13th, 2008

CIA offers Yanks announcer job

WASHINGTON, DC -- New York Yankees radio play-by-play announcer John Sterling will be splitting time this upcoming season between his booth in the Bronx, where he has broadcasted games since [continue reading...]

Posted on March 12th, 2008

Mortensen cell confiscated, brought to Hall

CANTON, OH -- With the tears of innumerable cheese-heads and football fans around the country not yet dry after Brett Favre's official retirement announcement, a shrine dedicated to the future [continue reading...]

Posted on March 9th, 2008

Ferrell to lend hand in new Gatorade flavor

CHICAGO, IL -- Will Ferrell has played an anchorman, an ice skater, a pro basketball player and any number of buffoons in his illustrious career, but none of those parts [continue reading...]

Posted on March 7th, 2008

Obama gives Tiger endorsement

CHICAGO, IL -- Illinois senator and presidential hopeful Barack Obama has taken his long-time admiration for Tiger Woods to a whole new level. A self-admitted golf enthusiast and Tiger disciple, [continue reading...]

Posted on March 3rd, 2008

Waitress says Clemens is terrible tipper

HOUSTON, TX -- A waitress is furious after she claimed Roger Clemens left her a vial of an unidentified substance instead of cash for a tip. Twenty-two year-old Sara Nelson, [continue reading...]

Posted on March 3rd, 2008

Knight hired by MLB umpire union to enforce “original” strike zone

NEW YORK, NY -- So much for Bobby Knight taking that much-deserved vacation he's been savoring. Only days after the former Texas Tech basketball coach agreed to be an analyst [continue reading...]

Posted on February 29th, 2008

McMahon setting aside match for ‘View’ cast

STAMFORD, CT -- If there is any question whether professional wrestling is, indeed, fake – as most of the American public accepts – the lovely ladies of The View will [continue reading...]

Posted on February 27th, 2008

Olbermann wants life chronicled on True Hollywood Story

NEW YORK, NY -- Former ESPN anchor and current MSNBC pundit Keith Olbermann thinks it is time people noticed how extraordinary of a life he has led. Sources close to the [continue reading...]

Posted on February 25th, 2008

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