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Ryan Faller Archives
Cornell fan devises diabolical plan to get Big Red past Mizzou in NCAAs
ARLINGTON, VA -- Local patent attorney Mark Westeschtein is known for three things among his friends: his searingly intellectual prowess (normally viewed in application of the American patent process), his [continue reading...]
Posted on March 17th, 2009
Zambrano irate about CTA fare increase
CHICAGO, IL -- After arriving in town for this coming weekend's Cubs Convention, team ace Carlos Zambrano was greeted with a rude surprise as he attempted to board an Orange [continue reading...]
Posted on January 15th, 2009
Jones upset that Texas ‘looks nothing’ like Hawaii
DALLAS, TX -- When June Jones agreed to a five-year, $10 million contract back in January to become the newest head football coach at Southern Methodist University, he knew he [continue reading...]
Posted on June 5th, 2008
Henry contemplating retirement after receiving hefty economic stimulus check
PHOENIX, AZ -- An ordinary trip to the mailbox Tuesday resulted in elation and an overwhelming flood of emotion for Travis Henry. The six-year NFL veteran and current Denver Broncos [continue reading...]
Posted on May 28th, 2008
Celtics attribute recent road woes to absence of Garnett nightlight, lucky blanket
BOSTON, MA -- Boston Celtics head coach Doc Rivers has remained mum on the reason for his team's highly suspect play on the road in the first two rounds of [continue reading...]
Posted on May 20th, 2008
After hot start, Cubs brace for inevitably tough times
CHICAGO, IL -- Nearing the 100th anniversary of their last World Series title, the Chicago Cubs have thus far defied the negative culture that has smothered the franchise for nearly [continue reading...]
Posted on May 18th, 2008
Dallas radio personality alleges Wings equipped with strategically placed rockets
DALLAS, TX -- A local sports talk show host has an interesting theory as to why his Dallas Stars are down 3-0 to the Detroit Red Wings and suddenly facing [continue reading...]
Posted on May 14th, 2008
Neuheisel, Carroll engage in wrestling match over recruit
VISTA, CA -- Standout prep running back Mark Gonzalez got his first up-close look at the USC-UCLA rivalry Wednesday, but it wasn't on the football field - it was in [continue reading...]
Posted on May 8th, 2008
Brewers’ mediocre play leading Uecker to drink again
MILWAUKEE, WI -- Entering the season, Milwaukee Brewers fans had reason to be optimistic about their team's chances to win a division title in 2008. After all, the Brew Crew [continue reading...]
Posted on April 30th, 2008
Marlins take steps to draw fewer fans
MIAMI, FL -- Characterized by periods of what can best be described as marginal success situated between the occasional World Series Championship, the Florida Marlins organization has become accustomed to [continue reading...]
Posted on April 29th, 2008
Walker selected in fourth and seventh rounds of draft
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- More than twenty years has passed since Herschel Walker was drafted by the Dallas Cowboys in the fifth round of the 1985 NFL Draft. But [continue reading...]
Posted on April 28th, 2008
Raiders have special plans for McFadden
OAKLAND, CA -- The Miami Dolphins surprised everyone Wednesday when they announced that the organization had come to terms with Michigan offensive tackle Jake Long, preemptively making the All-American the [continue reading...]
Posted on April 24th, 2008
Padres GM furious with MLB ruling
SAN DIEGO, CA -- Still reeling – both physically and emotionally – from their epic, 22-inning loss to the Colorado Rockies last Thursday, the San Diego Padres are now trying [continue reading...]
Posted on April 22nd, 2008
P&G to sign Ronaldinho as spokesperson
CINCINNATI, OH -- After experiencing sluggish company-wide numbers throughout the first quarter of the fiscal year, the Board of Directors at manufacturing giant Procter & Gamble has been feverishly searching [continue reading...]
Posted on April 21st, 2008
Alexander forced to leave reunion
FLORENCE, KY -- Members of the Class of 1998 at Boone County High School received a surprise guest at their ten-year reunion Wednesday evening. The unsuspecting party stood frozen, paralyzed [continue reading...]
Posted on April 18th, 2008
Herbstreit nominated for Sexiest ESPN Employee
COLUMBUS, OH -- College football analyst Kirk Herbstreit spoke briefly with SSNN via phone from his home Monday morning, hours after the former Ohio State quarterback was notified he has [continue reading...]
Posted on April 15th, 2008
Dibble convinced conspiracy led to Golden Tee tourney ouster
LOS ANGELES, CA -- Best Damn Sports Show, Period personality Rob Dibble was noticeably absent from a live taping of the wildly popular show Wednesday evening, after the two-time All-Star [continue reading...]
Posted on April 11th, 2008
Favre upset that Doomsday projection precedes Hall induction
GULFPORT, MS -- With the emotional roller coaster that is his transition from a Hall-of-Fame career to the uncertainty of life after football not yet over, newly retired quarterback Brett [continue reading...]
Posted on April 9th, 2008
MIT simulation finds Self, Jayhawks on short end of stick
CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Kansas Jayhawks fans are presumably up-in-arms today, after published reports claim a group of researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have unanimously concluded that KU has [continue reading...]
Posted on April 5th, 2008
Escobar comes clean about injury
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Minutes following his team's 1-0 victory over the Minnesota Twins Wednesday night, Los Angeles Angels starting pitcher Kelvim Escobar revealed the real cause of the inflammation that [continue reading...]
Posted on April 3rd, 2008
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