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History Archives

France declares war on Detroit Lions, ends 120-year losing streak

DETROIT, MI—Lions officials are reeling today after a surprise attack by France, in which French forces besieged and captured all Lions property within the city of Detroit. French paratroopers landed [continue reading...]

Posted on January 7th, 2009

(Jim) Rome sacked by barbarians

LOS ANGELES, CA—Doctors at Los Angeles County Hospital confirmed today that Jim Rome, controversial sports personality and host of Jim Rome Is Burning was sacked by Barbarians who broke into [continue reading...]

Posted on December 17th, 2008

Martin Luther causes rift with Church over instant replay

WITTENBERG, GERMANY—German monk Martin Luther created a firestorm of controversy the other day when he unabashedly and publicly nailed to a church door his 95 arguments for the Church’s adoption [continue reading...]

Posted on September 25th, 2008

Ben Franklin proposed that Continental Congress fantasy league uses yards as well as TDs in scoring system

PHILADELPHIA, PA—Ben Franklin has long been remembered for his efforts in the War for Independence and for his many inventions improving quality of life in colonial America. Now, however, many [continue reading...]

Posted on September 2nd, 2008

Lee becomes free agent, signs with Confederacy

RICHMOND, VA -- In a stunning eleventh-hour move, Colonel Robert E. Lee opted out of his contract with the United States and signed with the newly-created Confederate States of America, [continue reading...]

Posted on August 26th, 2008

Franklin turning Poor Richard’s Almanac into popular, pithy sports blog

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Noted statesman, inventor, publisher and author Benjamin Franklin is about to add a new entry to his already glowing resume: sports blogger. Franklin announced Tuesday that he is [continue reading...]

Posted on August 19th, 2008

Guy wearing headphones outside O’Leary home blames cow for fire

CHICAGO, IL -- Local concerned citizen Steve Bartman has cracked the case of the fire that tore through the heart of Chicago last week, identifying a cow that happened to [continue reading...]

Posted on August 15th, 2008

Patrick Henry makes bold statement in anticipation of revolution

RICHMOND, VA -- A recent revelation shows that Patrick Henry, Virginia statesman and revolutionary hero, actually said more in his most famous quote than he is generally given credit for. The [continue reading...]

Posted on August 13th, 2008

War of 1812 discovered to be first use of SABRmetrics

PRINCETON, NY -- A team of archaeologists and historians from Princeton University have made an unbelievable discovery, namely that a precursor to SABRmetrics was indeed employed during the War of [continue reading...]

Posted on August 11th, 2008

Cubs dynasty underway with second consecutive World Series title

October 15, 1908, from Chicago Sporting Fanatic With yesterday's 2-0 victory over the Detroit Tigers, our beloved Chicago Cubs did more than just win their second consecutive World Series – [continue reading...]

Posted on August 4th, 2008

Truman infuriated by Tribune error

CHICAGO, IL – Newly crowned President Harry S. Truman is absolutely irate about an error that was brazenly printed in [continue reading...]

Posted on January 5th, 2008

Confederate soldiers to wear alternate Sunday uniforms for upcoming battle

MANASSAS, VA -- With the second battle of Manassas scheduled to start this Sunday afternoon, the rebels soldiers have decided to wear their "alternate" Sunday uniforms, as opposed to the [continue reading...]

Posted on December 22nd, 2007

Henry Clay settles vicious fantasy league dispute

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A debate that threatened to tear apart the very fabric of the Lindsay Lohan Fantasy Football Association has been narrowly averted, due to a tremendous compromise engineered [continue reading...]

Posted on December 20th, 2007

Pheidippides runs to Athens, announces victory, urges end to competitive running

ATHENS, GREECE -- During his 26.2 mile run from Marathon to Athens, Pheidippides had a lot of time to think. The Greek soldier, dispatched from Marathon to tell the Athenians of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 17th, 2007

Magna Carta downgraded by SABR based on Historic Timelessness Factor

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- The Magna Carta is scheduled to be auctioned off this week for a historic price, potentially fetching $20-$30 million. However – unfortunately for the Perot [continue reading...]

Posted on December 17th, 2007

Revisiting the Athens Olympics: A Retrospective

It's only 38 days until the Olympic Games begin again where they began the first time, Athens. In three more days, the torch will complete its worldwide run and land [continue reading...]

Posted on July 1st, 2004

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