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Where will Donovan McNabb end up?

Where Will Donovan McNabb End Up? The Donovan McNabb experiment clearly didn’t work out in Washington, as the veteran quarterback was constantly undermined by coach Mike Shanahan and his son Kyle, [continue reading...]

Posted on May 10th, 2011

Could Ingram fall in the draft?

Those making their NFL football predictions at BetUs know that the NFL season is in dire straits as it doesn’t look like the lockout is going to end anytime [continue reading...]

Posted on April 6th, 2011

Local man gets slightly carried away in defense of Tom Brady’s haircut

BOSTON -- A local man was slightly embarrassed Saturday evening when he became a bit too vocal about how much he likes Tom Brady's long hair. Rocco DiMarino, 33, of South [continue reading...]

Posted on September 26th, 2010

Andy Reid to start Kevin Kolb on fantasy team

JACKSONVILLE -- In a surprise decision, a visibly concerned Andy Reid has announced that he'll be starting Kevin Kolb as his second quarterback in his fantasy game today, and leaving [continue reading...]

Posted on September 26th, 2010

Boras demands contract extension for Strasburg

WASHINGTON, DC -- According to SSNN sources, the Washington Nationals have been contacted by uber-agent Scott Boras, who is demanding a contract extension for injured pitcher Steven Strasburg. "You gotta strike [continue reading...]

Posted on August 30th, 2010

Manhattan social services rescues infant child from incompetent fantasy owner father

MANHATTAN -- When Emmitt Adelson and his wife Kim had a daughter recently, they named her Michelle. It was a moment of joy for both of them and their families. [continue reading...]

Posted on April 28th, 2010

Crowd wondering who that white dude next to Michael Jordan is

SPRINGFIELD, MA—Attendees at the 2009 Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame induction ceremony on Friday, to a person, had no idea who the white guy holding up a jersey with [continue reading...]

Posted on September 11th, 2009

“Experts” unable to clarify exactly what Vick would do with Pats

FOXBORO, MA—As questions swirl about the future of disgraced quarterback Mike Vick, numerous so-called experts and analysts have speculated that Vick will sign with the Patriots, despite the team having [continue reading...]

Posted on August 9th, 2009

Ozzie Guillen throws perfect temper tantrum

CHICAGO, IL—Players and clubhouse reporters could hardly have known Thursday afternoon when they filed into the White Sox locker room that they were about to witness baseball history. When [continue reading...]

Posted on July 23rd, 2009

Kobe Bryant using ‘Send this story to a friend’ feature to inform Shaq of Lakers off-season moves

LOS ANGELES, CA—It wasn’t so long ago that saying good-bye to a friend moving to the other side of the country meant saying good-bye forever. Thanks to the internet, however, [continue reading...]

Posted on July 21st, 2009

Tim Lincecum skips post-game interviews to see “Harry Potter”

ST. LOUIS, MO—Immediately following his removal after the 2nd inning during a rather disappointing performance in last night’s All-Star Game, Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum prematurely left Busch Stadium to watch [continue reading...]

Posted on July 14th, 2009

Sosa: “See, that corked bat thing doesn’t look so bad now, does it?”

CHICAGO, IL—Amid revelations that he tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003, Sammy Sosa took the opportunity yesterday to address different allegations, specifically those that arose after he was discovered [continue reading...]

Posted on June 17th, 2009

Crosby complains that Stanley Cup is too heavy

PITTSBURGH, PA -- Given that his Pittsburgh Penguins have won the NHL championship and reclaimed the Stanley Cup, one would think that Sidney Crosby would be pretty happy these days. [continue reading...]

Posted on June 16th, 2009

Sidney Crosby removes wax beard

DETROIT, MI—Flushed with excitement after his team’s 2-1 victory over the Red Wings Friday night, Sidney Crosby joyously removed the small wax beard and mustache that he had been wearing [continue reading...]

Posted on June 16th, 2009

Detroit to commit suicide if Red Wings don’t win Stanley Cup

DETROIT, MI—In a 10-month span that witnessed the collapse of its vaunted car industry, a continued stay as the nation’s most dangerous city, and an 0-16 Lions season, it seemed [continue reading...]

Posted on June 12th, 2009

Local 12-year-olds disappointed by lack of Kobe-LeBron Final

KINGSBURY, NY—Local 12-year-olds Howard Harrison and Damien Shingwel announced today their disappointment that this year’s much-anticipated, much-hyped potential NBA Finals matchup between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Los [continue reading...]

Posted on June 3rd, 2009

Favre: no plans to retire from being mental pain in the ass every spring

HATTIESBURG, MS -- After a disappointing run with the New York Jets in 2008, retired quarterback Brett Favre is flirting with the Minnesota Vikings in an attempt to resurrect [continue reading...]

Posted on May 8th, 2009

Manny Ramirez busted for juicing

LOS ANGELES -- Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games under the league's substance abuse policy after reports have surfaced that he's been injecting himself with various fruit juices [continue reading...]

Posted on May 7th, 2009

Sidney Crosby upset because all the hats on the ice hurt his vagina

WASHINGTON, DC -- Alex Ovechkin put the puck in the net for his third goal Monday and the hats started to pour down from all the reaches of the Verizon [continue reading...]

Posted on May 5th, 2009

Matthew Stafford flees to Canada to avoid playing for Detroit Lions

NEW YORK, NY—Shortly after being notified that he had been drafted by the Detroit Lions, Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford packed what belongings he could carry and fled north to Canada, [continue reading...]

Posted on May 1st, 2009

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