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Brett Favre |New Curse

Crowd wondering who that white dude next to Michael Jordan is

SPRINGFIELD, MA—Attendees at the 2009 Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame induction ceremony on Friday, to a person, had no idea who the white guy holding up a jersey with [continue reading...]

Posted on September 11th, 2009

“Experts” unable to clarify exactly what Vick would do with Pats

FOXBORO, MA—As questions swirl about the future of disgraced quarterback Mike Vick, numerous so-called experts and analysts have speculated that Vick will sign with the Patriots, despite the team having [continue reading...]

Posted on August 9th, 2009

Ozzie Guillen throws perfect temper tantrum

CHICAGO, IL—Players and clubhouse reporters could hardly have known Thursday afternoon when they filed into the White Sox locker room that they were about to witness baseball history. When [continue reading...]

Posted on July 23rd, 2009

Kobe Bryant using ‘Send this story to a friend’ feature to inform Shaq of Lakers off-season moves

LOS ANGELES, CA—It wasn’t so long ago that saying good-bye to a friend moving to the other side of the country meant saying good-bye forever. Thanks to the internet, however, [continue reading...]

Posted on July 21st, 2009

Tim Lincecum skips post-game interviews to see “Harry Potter”

ST. LOUIS, MO—Immediately following his removal after the 2nd inning during a rather disappointing performance in last night’s All-Star Game, Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum prematurely left Busch Stadium to watch [continue reading...]

Posted on July 14th, 2009

Sosa: “See, that corked bat thing doesn’t look so bad now, does it?”

CHICAGO, IL—Amid revelations that he tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003, Sammy Sosa took the opportunity yesterday to address different allegations, specifically those that arose after he was discovered [continue reading...]

Posted on June 17th, 2009

Crosby complains that Stanley Cup is too heavy

PITTSBURGH, PA -- Given that his Pittsburgh Penguins have won the NHL championship and reclaimed the Stanley Cup, one would think that Sidney Crosby would be pretty happy these days. [continue reading...]

Posted on June 16th, 2009

Sidney Crosby removes wax beard

DETROIT, MI—Flushed with excitement after his team’s 2-1 victory over the Red Wings Friday night, Sidney Crosby joyously removed the small wax beard and mustache that he had been wearing [continue reading...]

Posted on June 16th, 2009

Detroit to commit suicide if Red Wings don’t win Stanley Cup

DETROIT, MI—In a 10-month span that witnessed the collapse of its vaunted car industry, a continued stay as the nation’s most dangerous city, and an 0-16 Lions season, it seemed [continue reading...]

Posted on June 12th, 2009

Local 12-year-olds disappointed by lack of Kobe-LeBron Final

KINGSBURY, NY—Local 12-year-olds Howard Harrison and Damien Shingwel announced today their disappointment that this year’s much-anticipated, much-hyped potential NBA Finals matchup between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Los [continue reading...]

Posted on June 3rd, 2009

Favre: no plans to retire from being mental pain in the ass every spring

HATTIESBURG, MS -- After a disappointing run with the New York Jets in 2008, retired quarterback Brett Favre is flirting with the Minnesota Vikings in an attempt to resurrect [continue reading...]

Posted on May 8th, 2009

Manny Ramirez busted for juicing

LOS ANGELES -- Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games under the league's substance abuse policy after reports have surfaced that he's been injecting himself with various fruit juices [continue reading...]

Posted on May 7th, 2009

Sidney Crosby upset because all the hats on the ice hurt his vagina

WASHINGTON, DC -- Alex Ovechkin put the puck in the net for his third goal Monday and the hats started to pour down from all the reaches of the Verizon [continue reading...]

Posted on May 5th, 2009

Matthew Stafford flees to Canada to avoid playing for Detroit Lions

NEW YORK, NY—Shortly after being notified that he had been drafted by the Detroit Lions, Georgia quarterback Matthew Stafford packed what belongings he could carry and fled north to Canada, [continue reading...]

Posted on May 1st, 2009

Mel Kiper, Jr. goes into hibernation for the summer

NEW YORK, NY—Following the conclusion of last weekend’s NFL draft, ESPN’s NFL-draft analyst Mel Kiper, Jr. retreated to his cave in upstate New York where he has gone [continue reading...]

Posted on April 30th, 2009

Obama thinking about having Zach Duke killed

WASHINGTON, DC -- Barack Obama, fresh off of giving the command that killed three pirates in the waters off the coast of Somalia, is presently contemplating ordering the death of [continue reading...]

Posted on April 15th, 2009

After Obama selects North Carolina to win national championship, team goes to Senate for confirmation

WASHINGTON, DC -- The North Carolina Tar Heels were selected by president Barack Obama to win the National Championship, and took the first major step toward that goal with an [continue reading...]

Posted on April 8th, 2009

Hal Steinbrenner thinks Derek Jeter may get a lot of chicks

NEW YORK -- Fresh off his revelation last week that Yankees ticket prices are too high, Hal Steinbrenner dropped another bombshell this week, indicating that he has also surmised that [continue reading...]

Posted on April 4th, 2009

Obama chooses fifth starter for Detroit Tigers

DETROIT, MI--President Barack Obama announced today that 20-year-old phenom Rock Porcello will be the Detroit Tigers fifth starter this season, breaking camp with the big club after spending the entirety [continue reading...]

Posted on March 30th, 2009

Curt Schilling’s blog inducted into baseball Hall of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—In a move not seen since Roberto Clemente’s posthumous induction in 1973, the National Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York waived its customary five-year waiting period earlier [continue reading...]

Posted on March 25th, 2009

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