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David Lister Archives
Cornell fan devises diabolical plan to get Big Red past Mizzou in NCAAs
ARLINGTON, VA -- Local patent attorney Mark Westeschtein is known for three things among his friends: his searingly intellectual prowess (normally viewed in application of the American patent process), his [continue reading...]
Posted on March 17th, 2009
NFL season to climax today with Pro Bowl
HONOLULU, HI -- The 2008-09 NFL season will climax this afternoon with the annual playing of the Pro Bowl, the most highly anticipated wonderful afternoon of football in the whole [continue reading...]
Posted on February 8th, 2009
Devastated Phillip Rivers likely out for game against Steelers after Perry-McCoy breakup
SAN DIEGO, CA -- The news hit Phillip Rivers like a gunshot wound to the abdomen; it rocked his gentle spirit and broke his delicate heart. It was 3 pm Tuesday [continue reading...]
Posted on January 6th, 2009
2008 Top 20, #5: Pearl to open jewelry store
KNOXVILLE, TN -- Looking to capitalize on his local stardom and already thinking about life after basketball, Tennessee Volunteer head basketball coach Bruce Pearl announced today he plans on opening [continue reading...]
Posted on December 31st, 2008
FOX trades NFL Robot for BCS Championship
NEW YORK, NY -- It was announced earlier this month that the Fox network would not retain the rights to broadcast the BCS championship games for the 2010 and 2011 [continue reading...]
Posted on December 21st, 2008
Chicagoans still suffering from storm
CHICAGO, IL -- Monday's violent storms are still impacting many residents in the Chicagoland area, and though life is back to normal for some, others are still feeling the effects. Jerome [continue reading...]
Posted on August 6th, 2008
Ramirez plans to become gay porn star
HOLLYWOOD, CA -- Looking to capitalize on his new locale, Manny Ramirez told SSNN he is hoping to get into the gay porn industry. The latest addition to the Los Angeles [continue reading...]
Posted on August 4th, 2008
Cubs dynasty underway with second consecutive World Series title
October 15, 1908, from Chicago Sporting Fanatic With yesterday's 2-0 victory over the Detroit Tigers, our beloved Chicago Cubs did more than just win their second consecutive World Series – [continue reading...]
Posted on August 4th, 2008
Twins give Liriano ultimatum
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- For seemingly the first time all season, Francisco Liriano and the Minnesota Twins are on the same page. Liriano has spent much of this year dominating for the [continue reading...]
Posted on July 26th, 2008
McCarver: I almost made it
NEW YORK, NY -- An extensive, week-long SSNN investigation has discovered that former catcher and current FOX broadcaster Tim McCarver almost stayed awake for all 15 innings of Major League [continue reading...]
Posted on July 25th, 2008
Packers embroiled in retirement controversy
GREEN BAY, WI -- Earlier this year, he announced he was leaving the Green Bay Packers and the National Football League behind. He already had a storied career, he was [continue reading...]
Posted on July 18th, 2008
NFL not looking for gang signs
NEW YORK, NY -- A day after news outlets around the country reported that the National Football League was reviewing past game tapes to look for players flashing gang signs, [continue reading...]
Posted on July 17th, 2008
Curmudgeons unite over Packer firing
NEW YORK, NY -- In a rare show of solidarity today, leading curmudgeons around the world gathered to protest CBS Sports' decision to part ways with college basketball commentator Billy [continue reading...]
Posted on July 15th, 2008
Waxman to look into competitive eating scandal
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Oversight and Government Reform Committee Chairman – and America's favorite watchdog – Henry Waxman, D-Calif., announced today that he will personally look into the competitive eating scandal [continue reading...]
Posted on July 14th, 2008
PETA protests Favre’s return
GREEN BAY, WI -- A protest by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals went horribly awry on Monday, leaving many longtime supporters confused and thousands of Brett Favre fans [continue reading...]
Posted on July 14th, 2008
Jones left behind after team picnic
LOS ANGELES, CA -- The Los Angeles Dodgers announced today that they accidentally left Andruw Jones behind after last night's team picnic, and that while the search for the center [continue reading...]
Posted on July 14th, 2008
Scandal rocks hot dog eating contest
CONEY ISLAND, NY -- Less than a week after the 93rd annual Nathan's International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest, controversy continues to swirl around the competitive eaters who participated [continue reading...]
Posted on July 10th, 2008
More of Favre’s phone activities revealed
GREEN BAY, WI -- Shortly after reports surfaced that recently retired quarterback Brett Favre sent a text message to Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson this weekend, an SSNN investigation [continue reading...]
Posted on July 8th, 2008
Changes in store for All-Star Game
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After a wildly popular voting session that boasted an all-time high 20 million votes, MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced today that there will be a [continue reading...]
Posted on July 7th, 2008
Clemens receives a record 15 ESPY nominations
BRISTOL, CT – ESPN announced today that former Major League pitcher and alleged steroid user Roger Clemens has been nominated in a record 15 categories for the network's annual sports [continue reading...]
Posted on July 3rd, 2008
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