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2008 Year in Review Archives

2008 Year in Review, #1: Furious Palin demands recount after learning about “Golden State” while watching NBA

WASILLA, AK -- A furious Sarah Palin is phoning Republican attorneys this morning and demanding a recount after learning that an entire state's votes may not have been counted in [continue reading...]

Posted on January 1st, 2009

2008 Year in Review, #2: Bob Costas is so fucking stoked right now that you have no idea

BEIJING, CHINA -- Bob Costas is so goddamn excited right now that he's fucking freaking out, dude. "I'm fuckin' flippin' my shit here, B," Costas told SSNN. "I mean I'm [continue reading...]

Posted on December 31st, 2008

2008 Top 20, #3: Petty to just play Guitar Hero III for Super Bowl halftime

SSNN is presenting its top 20 posts from 2008 in order. Enjoy! GLENDALE, AZ -- This is not your father's Super Bowl. Instead of rehearsing an elaborate stage show – complete with [continue reading...]

Posted on December 31st, 2008

2008 Year in Review, #4: Woods returns from vacation to find 423 voicemails from PGA commissioner

JUPITER, FL -- Upon returning home from a European vacation with his wife Elin and their daughter Sam, injured golfer Tiger Woods was surprised to find 423 voicemails from PGA [continue reading...]

Posted on December 31st, 2008

2008 Top 20, #5: Pearl to open jewelry store

KNOXVILLE, TN -- Looking to capitalize on his local stardom and already thinking about life after basketball, Tennessee Volunteer head basketball coach Bruce Pearl announced today he plans on opening [continue reading...]

Posted on December 31st, 2008

2008 Year in Review, #6: Woman misinterprets husband-to-be’s cries of “we’re going dancing!”

CHICAGO, IL -- A local woman was saddened Tuesday after a case of confusion led her to mistakenly believe that her fiancee was planning on surprising her with dancing lessons [continue reading...]

Posted on December 30th, 2008

2007 Top 20, #7: Brady missing Pro Bowl with unexpected bout of soreloseritus

BOSTON, MA -- In the wake of his team's dramatic Super Bowl XLII's loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that he would not be journeying to Hawaii for [continue reading...]

Posted on December 30th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #8: Citing failures in New Orleans, NBA moving ‘09 All-Star to Jakarta

NEW ORLEANS, LA -- Describing the All-Star Weekend in New Orleans as a "monumental error in judgment and a tremendous letdown," NBA commissioner David Stern announced that next year's All-Star [continue reading...]

Posted on December 30th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #9: Rodgers offers to not play for only $15 million

GREEN BAY, WI -- After yesterday's reports that the Green Bay Packers offered erstwhile QB Brett Favre as much as $20 million to stay retired, the Pack's quarterback debacle has [continue reading...]

Posted on December 30th, 2008

2008 Year in Review, #10: Olympic swimmer Phelps has water in ear, ends quest for history

BEIJING, CHINA -- Michael Phelps, the celebrated American swimmer expected to shatter the Olympic record for most gold medals in a single Olympics, will not have the opportunity after getting [continue reading...]

Posted on December 29th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #11: CBS announcer goes to ER after Tebowner lasts for more than four hours

ATLANTA, GA -- At approximately 11 pm Saturday night, CBS sports announcer Gary Danielson realized it was time to head for the emergency room. "Every single commercial for a male virility [continue reading...]

Posted on December 29th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #12: Local economic development professional boldly predicts 40-homer softball season

WENTZVILLE, MO -- Local economic development professional Jonathan Daulton, 30, is very excited about his forthcoming softball season, according to neighbors. "I was just standing, waiting for the bus the [continue reading...]

Posted on December 29th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #13: Zambrano skipping spring training until he gets a MacBook Air

UNDISCLOSED ARIZONA LOCATION -- Carlos Zambrano is in the best shape of his life, and is looking forward to putting up over 20 wins for the Chicago Cubs. Just not [continue reading...]

Posted on December 29th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #14: Phillies extend Hamels with an 28-year, $937 million contract

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Following a dominant National League Championship Series in which the lefthander won the MVP award, Cole Hamels has been given a contract extension by the Philadelphia Phillies [continue reading...]

Posted on December 28th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #15: Andre Johnson surprised, happy to be recognized at Gap

HOUSTON, TX -- In what he later described as "one of the greatest moments of my life," Andre Johnson was recognized Thursday during a seemingly routine trip to a Houston-area [continue reading...]

Posted on December 28th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #16: Entire KU team declares for NBA draft

LAWRENCE, KS -- The entire National Championship-winning Kansas Jayhawks basketball team has declared for the NBA draft as a collective unit, SSNN has learned. Cole Aldrich, Darrell Arthur, Brennan Bechard, Chase [continue reading...]

Posted on December 28th, 2008

2008 Year in Review, #17: Announcer carefully studying what he can say about female gymnasts without seeming like a total pervert

BEIJING, CHINA -- Announcing for the Olympics requires a lot of preparation, as most sports fans know. Stories of Bob Costas and other announcers preparing for years in anticipation of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 28th, 2008

2008 Year in Review, #18: Favre apologizes for behavior, shares Packers playbook with everyone

NEW YORK NY—A disgraced Brett Favre confessed to reporters on Monday that he had indeed tipped off the Lions about the Packers playbook schemes before his former team faced Detroit [continue reading...]

Posted on December 27th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #19: Family dog furious after NFL Network left on all day Friday

DENVER, CO -- Jon and Katie Dempsey's dog Rex is furious with the couple this snowy Saturday morning after they accidentally left the NFL Network on all day Friday while [continue reading...]

Posted on December 27th, 2008

2008 Year in Review, #20: Mayor of New Orleans didn’t know Hornets were in playoffs

SSNN is presenting its top 20 posts from 2008 in order. Enjoy! NEW ORLEANS, LA -- New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin was both thrilled and stunned Tuesday when, while channel surfing, [continue reading...]

Posted on December 27th, 2008

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