Hot Topics: MLB NFL NBA New York Yankees steroids baseball ESPN Chicago Cubs NCAA football NCAA basketball
Hot Topics: MLB NFL NBA New York Yankees steroids baseball ESPN Chicago Cubs NCAA football NCAA basketball
News Item
NEW YORK, NY- The first few years of the new century have been a downer for several markets, the stock market, the housing market, and the curse market. Yes, it turns out than in addition to the wide spread steroid use discovered in the Mitchell Report, Congress also found that the many curses that have become a staple in baseball lore are actually part of a commodities market created by Byron Bancroft Johnson, the disgraced executive who helped the rise of the American League.
American League President Johnson began the curse market originally to destroy the National League when justifying the American League as a professional baseball alternative.
“The bastards at the National League office are refusing to recognize the American League again,” wrote President Johnson in his recently uncovered memoirs. “Those d*** New York Giants have refused to play us. After this year, 1904, we, the American League shall rue the day with bloated payrolls and some system by which a batter pitch hits for the pitcher each trip through the lineup. I curse them, I curse the Cubs, I curse the Pirates. I curse them all.”
The new evidence gives new insight into the futility of several National League ball clubs. The Bancroft Curse Center has confirmed that the curse on the Cubs has been a long term project since the center’s formation.
“By 1945, the center documents stated that they needed to establish some sort of excuse for years of failure,” Sen. George Mitchell stated. “Who really thought that Billy Sianis thought it was a good idea to buy Cubs tickets for a goat in an enclosed stadium on a hot, muggy day. It all makes perfect sense in retrospect.”
The downfall of the curse market began as the commodity began to weaken with the economy as a whole. The Boston Red Sox, who were cursed for their part along with the Chicago White Sox in the disgrace of President Johnson, further weakened the curse market with a World Series victory in 2004.
“People, even those involved in the financial industry, were hurt by raising interest rates and bad loans,” Bancroft Curse Center President William Cobb said. “The Red Sox destroyed years of hard work, and then the White Sox followed with tickets to their own championship a year later. I blame the Bush economy.”
The New York Yankees came away seemingly unscathed from the downfall of President Johnson. Their avoidance of the center has been misunderstood though.
“We tried a different approach with the Yankees,” Cobb said. “They were awful for years, so tried to curse them with being too good. It has only come to fruition now years later, when they are constantly disappointed with lofty expectations and an unbelievable payroll.”
The center has released several statements that it plans to fight through these difficult times and revolutionize baseball fans misery with new, modern, more inventive
curse.
It’s going to be tough for this sport to sweep any nations, but it’s still pretty frickin’ cool!
Visit our Gallery for a full listing of images...
© SeriousSportsNewsNetwork.com. All Rights Reserved. Site Map.
SSNN is not really cool for people under 18 years of age. Seriously, it's profane as all hell.
