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Washington Redskins Archives

Local man can’t quite explain why he wants to see Chris Cooley’s schlong so badly

TOWSON, MD -- Local Redskins fan John Simpson is a bit confused today after spending a solid four hours searching online for a picture of Chris Cooley's schlong. "I'm not gay," [continue reading...]

Posted on September 17th, 2008

Turns out Cooley masturbates fully clothed

WASHINGTON, DC -- It turns out that Chris Cooley masturbates fully clothed, SSNN has learned, after revelations surfaced that the star tight end studies his playbook naked. Cooley mistakenly posted a [continue reading...]

Posted on September 16th, 2008

Parcells swayed by 2010 sixth-rounder

MIAMI, FL -- "One man's throw-in is another man's treasure," said a visibly enthused Bill Parcells, reeling with excitement after obtaining a 2009 second round pick and a 2010 sixth [continue reading...]

Posted on July 21st, 2008

Giuliani endorses McCain for Redskins head coaching job

SIMI VALLEY, CA -- Republican presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani endorsed his "friend and fellow Republican" John McCain for the position of head coach of the Washington Redskins on Wednesday, in [continue reading...]

Posted on January 31st, 2008

Guy sees Coors Light coach commercials for first time

TACOMA, WA -- "Die-hard" Seattle Seahwaks fan John Monroe had a doubly enjoyable day on Saturday. Not only were his beloved Seahawks playing and winning an NFL playoff game, but [continue reading...]

Posted on January 5th, 2008

Portis skips practice to return Christmas gifts

WASHINGTON, DC -- Clinton Portis is in hot water today, after skipping Redskins' practice to return Christmas presents. "Coach said it was a 'mandatory' practice," Portis said. "Especially since we didn't [continue reading...]

Posted on January 2nd, 2008

Goodell: Redskins, Bears must both try to win

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Charting new territory even for himself, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has sent an urgent memo to both the Washington Redskins and the Chicago Bears on the morning [continue reading...]

Posted on December 6th, 2007

Portis having trouble getting flights home for Thanksgiving

WASHINGTON--Clinton Portis is reeling today after realizing that he waited too long to book his flights home for Thanksgiving, and will have to settle for an unusual flight schedule or [continue reading...]

Posted on November 10th, 2007

Tom Brady now favorite Son of The Almighty

BOSTON, MA -- Seán Patrick Cardinal O'Malley, Archbishop of Boston, declared today that after watching a repeat of last weekend's contest between the Patriots and the Dolphins, it has become [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2007

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