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US Congress Archives

Feds plan Tiger Woods bailout following cancellation of GM deal

WASHINGTON, DC -- Just when it seemed as though the economy had run out of surprises, the nation's capital was rocked Monday with news that Tiger Woods and GM have [continue reading...]

Posted on November 25th, 2008

Bush convenes Congress to figure out who he should start between LT2, Ronnie Brown, and Frank Gore

WASHINGTON, DC -- President George W. Bush made an extremely unorthodox and frankly unprecedented move in the annals of American history Saturday, calling both houses of Congress together for an [continue reading...]

Posted on October 4th, 2008

Carlos Zambrano tells teammates he would’ve voted against bailout plan

CHICAGO - Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano informed teammates Tuesday at practice that he "totally would've voted against the bailout" that failed to pass the House of Representatives on Monday. "Carlos came [continue reading...]

Posted on October 1st, 2008

John Edwards admits to cheating in fantasy baseball league

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A tearful John Edwards admitted to SSNN yesterday that he repeatedly hacked into opposing player's accounts during the course of the current fantasy baseball season to gain [continue reading...]

Posted on August 11th, 2008

Specter begins investigation into National Spelling Bee

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On May 30th, in front of a live TV audience, Sameer Mishra took home the top honors at the 2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee by correctly spelling [continue reading...]

Posted on June 17th, 2008

Waxman literally has nothing else to do

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Henry Waxman has heard the complaints before. The House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform Chairman has been asked countless times, and he still has only one [continue reading...]

Posted on June 9th, 2008

Specter wants Walsh indicted for teasing

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Although the video tapes he turned over to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell proved that former Patriots' video assistant Matt Walsh had done nothing illegal, he may not [continue reading...]

Posted on May 16th, 2008

Source reports Al Davis has been dead for three years

OAKLAND, CA -- A source within the Oakland Raiders organization has confirmed a recent rumor that longtime Raiders owner Al Davis has been dead for just over three years. According [continue reading...]

Posted on March 27th, 2008

Congressmen drafted by Brewers, ordered to bat against Randy Johnson

PHOENIX, AZ -- Congressmen Elijah Cummings (D-MD) and Henry Waxman (D-CA) have been drafted by the Milwaukee Brewers and ordered to suit up for Friday's exhibition contest against the Arizona [continue reading...]

Posted on March 12th, 2008

Selig indicted by feds for “irritability” and “obstruction of fun”

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- In a shocking twist in the four-year investigation into steroid use by elite athletes, Bud Selig was charged with four counts of irritability and one [continue reading...]

Posted on March 10th, 2008

Canseco’s testicles, Selig’s dour expression lead Cooperstown’s steroid exhibit

COOPERSTOWN, NY -- The Baseball Hall of Fame announced today that it has begun planning for an exhibit on steroids. The centerpiece of the exhibit will be a case displaying [continue reading...]

Posted on March 7th, 2008

Goodell: “I can out-commish Bud Selig in my sleep”

NEW YORK, NY -- With controversy surrounding his admission of destroying tapes that were involved in the on-going New England Patriots Spygate scandal, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell quickly deflected the [continue reading...]

Posted on February 19th, 2008

McNamee found unconscious with baseball-sized head wound

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- In another shocking twist in the Roger Clemens steroid case, material witnesses and former trainer Brian McNamee was found unconscious in the court bathroom after giving his [continue reading...]

Posted on February 14th, 2008

McNamee produces John Deere evidence

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The continuing Roger Clemens steroid saga became more bizarre Monday morning when former trainer Brian McNamee turned in further evidence of Clemens' performance-enhancing drug use to members [continue reading...]

Posted on February 11th, 2008

Mitchell Report to be released Thursday; Canseco totally calm

NEW YORK and MIAMI -- With the now-infamous Mitchell report finally coming on Thursday - and many baseball players anticipating being named - there is a lot of tension throughout [continue reading...]

Posted on December 11th, 2007

Walton headed for Congress

WASHINGTON D.C. -- An unusual request – from Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky – sent former UCLA superstar and current NBA commentator Bill Walton straight to Washington, D.C. early [continue reading...]

Posted on May 1st, 2007

Sosa confident he can pick up where Matthews, Jr. left off

SURPRISE, AZ -- After a year away from baseball, former Cubs star Sammy Sosa – now in camp with the Texas Rangers – says he's ready to contribute to his [continue reading...]

Posted on March 4th, 2007

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