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United States of America Archives

A-Rod to play for Israel in World Baseball Classic?

MIAMI, FL -- After weeks of rumors incorrectly asserting that Alex Rodriguez would play for the Dominican Republic in the upcoming World Baseball Classic, SSNN has learned that actually the [continue reading...]

Posted on December 7th, 2008

Sarah Palin eats Scott Boras’s soul, becomes nicer

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- SSNN has learned that Sarah Palin ate Scott Boras's soul last night, and actually became a much more friendly, generous person than she had been beforehand. "Yes, I [continue reading...]

Posted on September 4th, 2008

Michael Phelps ecstatic to be relevant again

SOMEWHERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA OR POSSIBLY EUROPE -- Michael Phelps was just having a normal Tuesday last week, when something amazing happened. Phelps, who had started his [continue reading...]

Posted on June 9th, 2008

Hamels punches wall, creates new continent

ST. PETERSBURG, FL -- Following a rough spring training outing on Friday – when the Phillies visited and lost to the Tampa Bay Rays – Cole Hamels was frustrated. The [continue reading...]

Posted on March 10th, 2008

Desperate Vick attorneys throw red challenge flag at sentencing

RICHMOND, VA -- With their client already in jail and seemingly no recourse remaining to them, Michael Vick's attorneys launched a last-ditch effort to stop their client from going to [continue reading...]

Posted on December 10th, 2007

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