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Tony Kornheiser Archives

Obama signs executive order shutting down Detroit Lions

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Calling its existence “an affront to everything our nation stands for” and declaring its legacy “a stain upon our history that we will never be able to fully erase," [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2009

Reports from the Kornheiser family indicate that watching a game with Tony Kornheiser on the couch is as or more annoying than watching it with him commentating on TV

WASHINGTON, DC -- Reports from the nation's capital this holiday season indicate that although Monday Night Football is over for the year, commentator Tony Kornheiser is just as annouing as [continue reading...]

Posted on January 12th, 2009

Korhnheiser makes MNF execs wistful for halcyon days of Dennis Miller

CHICAGO, IL -- As yet another season's worth of Monday Night Football featuring Tony Kornheiser draws to a close, the higher-ups who handle the ESPN's sole pro football property are [continue reading...]

Posted on December 23rd, 2008

Kornheiser spends most Sunday nights sleeping in a Dumpster

HOUSTON, TX -- A Burger King employee was startled this morning to find ESPN Monday Night Football announcer Tony Kornheiser fastasleep in the bottom of the trash receptacle. "I'm a big [continue reading...]

Posted on December 1st, 2008

Jaws totally drank from Kornheiser’s soda last night; “Act of War,” says Kornheiser

PHOENIX, AZ -- In what was either a complete accident or an overt act of war, Ron Jaworski reached down and took a sip of soda last night, setting off [continue reading...]

Posted on November 11th, 2008

Jay Mariotti quits Sun-Times, life

CHICAGO, IL—Oft-maligned columnist Jay Mariotti made his own headlines yesterday when he announced that he was resigning from the Chicago Sun-Times and ceasing all functions of everyday living, and would [continue reading...]

Posted on August 29th, 2008

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Olbermann refuses to make Patriot Act joke

Keith Olbermann could have another chance to make a joke about the Patriots and videotaping this weekend, with the Jets' taping practices now in question... NEW YORK, NY -- The left-wing [continue reading...]

Posted on December 15th, 2007

Olbermann refuses to make Patriot Act joke

NEW YORK, NY -- The left-wing news media is in an uproar this week over the refusal of MSNBC news host Keith Olbermann to make any joke whatsoever using the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 21st, 2007

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