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Tom Brady Archives
Patriots sign Manning
FOXBORO, MA -- The New England Patriots, in a move of possible desperation, have signed Cooper Manning, older brother of Peyton and Eli, to play quarterback for the rest of [continue reading...]
Posted on September 20th, 2008
Tom Brady retired to stud
FOXBORO, MA—Citing his season-ending injury and diminishing enthusiasm for the game, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced his retirement yesterday, and said he plans to spend more time with breath-takingly hot [continue reading...]
Posted on September 18th, 2008
Matt Cassel prays science experiment ends world before Sunday
FOXBORO, MA—Newly-minted Patriots starting QB Matt Cassel has begun to pray that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment in Geneva, Switzerland induces a cataclysmic reaction and ending all life on [continue reading...]
Posted on September 11th, 2008
Tom Brady’s rehab plan is basically to bang a bunch of supermodels
FOXBORO, MA -- Monday was a grim day for the fans of the New England Patriots. In what has become know and the "second shot heard 'round the world" the [continue reading...]
Posted on September 10th, 2008
Boston sports fans gear up for hockey season
BOSTON, MA -- Just two days after beloved New England Patriots QB Tom Brady went down with a season ending torn ACL, Boston fans have already started looking to the [continue reading...]
Posted on September 10th, 2008
Irate Bostonian attacks roommate over Brady injury
CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Lifelong Boston resident and die-hard Patriots fan Patrick O'Callaghan erupted in a fit of fury Sunday afternoon, after watching beloved Pats quarterback Tom Brady go down with [continue reading...]
Posted on September 9th, 2008
Brady, Moss caught playing ‘Screw, Marry, Kill’ with Lynch, O’Neal, and Hobbs
FOXBORO, MA—Scandal erupted in Patriots training camp yesterday when members of the media walked in on pro-bowlers Tom Brady and Randy Moss engaging in the game known as “Screw, marry, [continue reading...]
Posted on September 2nd, 2008
ESPN unveils latest summer gimmick: “Who’s Porno Hot?”
BRISTOL, CT – Sports fans often dread the news wasteland that is the month of July; the NBA and NHL Finals are over, the NFL has yet to start training [continue reading...]
Posted on July 2nd, 2008
Tom Brady, Sr. having trouble picking out son’s birthday gift
SAN MATEO, CA -- Tom Brady, Sr. – father of New England Patriots' superstar quarterback Tom Brady – is having a "helluva time" figuring out what to get his son [continue reading...]
Posted on June 26th, 2008
Satan to lead Celtics victory parade, collect on debt of souls
BOSTON, MA -- In celebration of their first NBA championship in 22 years, the city of Boston has scheduled a victory parade for their beloved Celtics. The parade will be [continue reading...]
Posted on June 18th, 2008
Brady changed by fatherhood, hopes for more children
BOSTON, MA -- In an exclusive interview with SSNN, Tom Brady talked for the first time about what it feels like to be a father. Brady, a three-time Super Bowl [continue reading...]
Posted on March 31st, 2008
Brady missing Pro Bowl with unexpected bout of soreloseritus
BOSTON, MA -- In the wake of his team's dramatic Super Bowl XLII's loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that he would not be journeying to Hawaii for [continue reading...]
Posted on February 6th, 2008
New England chef admits he didn’t “leave it all in the kitchen”
GLENDALE, AZ -- In the aftermath of the New England Patriots' disappointing Super Bowl loss, fingers of blame are being pointed willy-nilly throughout the organization. Few Patriot staffers, [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2008
Puppy Bowl IV outdraws first three quarters of Super Bowl XLII
GLENDALE, AZ -- Early Nielsen polls for Sunday evening provided some unexpected news for producers of Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl IV. "We beat the Super Bowl?!" exclaimed executive producer Melinda [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2008
Brady tired of beating Mannings
GLENDALE, AZ -- Tom Brady, usually unflappable leading up to important games, has shown uncharacteristic sensitivity to a number of issues as Super Bowl XLII approaches. In addition to admitting [continue reading...]
Posted on February 2nd, 2008
Shula: Patriots not undefeated until they win NCAA Tournament, World Series of Poker
GLENDALE, AZ -- Don Shula, coach of the 1972 Dolphins, hastily called a press conference outside University of Phoenix Stadium Thursday morning to make an important announcement about the New [continue reading...]
Posted on January 31st, 2008
Brady: “Super Bowl is chance for perfect suntan”
GLENDALE, AZ -- Tom Brady announced Wednesday morning that he thinks the Pats trip to the Super Bowl provides the ultimate chance to really nail down the perfect suntan. [continue reading...]
Posted on January 30th, 2008
Peyton Manning declares self “superior advertiser” to Brady
GLENDALE, AZ -- Peyton Manning came clean about his feelings toward Tom Brady's commercial endorsements today, announcing that he was "the superior advertiser." "I'm not talking about who's better at playing [continue reading...]
Posted on January 29th, 2008
Petty to just play Guitar Hero III for Super Bowl halftime
GLENDALE, AZ -- This is not your father's Super Bowl. Instead of rehearsing an elaborate stage show – complete with countless dancers, multiple songs, fireworks, and the rest – Tom Petty [continue reading...]
Posted on January 29th, 2008
New Jersey moron actually thinks Brady might not play in Super Bowl
WEST ORANGE, N.J. -- 24-year-old Johnny Marciano, a sixth-year senior at Rutgers, is extremely excited today as he anticipates Patriots quarterback Tom Brady potentially having to sit out the Super [continue reading...]
Posted on January 28th, 2008
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