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Tom Brady Archives

Local man gets slightly carried away in defense of Tom Brady’s haircut

BOSTON -- A local man was slightly embarrassed Saturday evening when he became a bit too vocal about how much he likes Tom Brady's long hair. Rocco DiMarino, 33, of South [continue reading...]

Posted on September 26th, 2010

Belichick trades heart-less Cassel for almost nothing

KANSAS CITY, MO -- The football world is abuzz today following reports that Bil Belichick, the devil incarnate, may have traded quarterback Matt Cassel to the Kansas City Chiefs at [continue reading...]

Posted on March 3rd, 2009

Dungy calls Phil Jackson, asks for advice on tell-all book trashing star player

INDIANAPOLIS, IN—Reports have begun surfacing today that Colts head coach Tony Dungy will be stepping down and retiring from football after a tenure with Indianapolis that included seven playoff appearances [continue reading...]

Posted on January 13th, 2009

Pennington to Reed “the new Marino to Clayton”

MIAMI, FL—In the wake of their disappointing 27-9 loss to the Ravens on Sunday, Dolphin fans were left with the consolation of having the biggest turnaround season in NFL history, [continue reading...]

Posted on January 5th, 2009

2008 Top 20, #3: Petty to just play Guitar Hero III for Super Bowl halftime

SSNN is presenting its top 20 posts from 2008 in order. Enjoy! GLENDALE, AZ -- This is not your father's Super Bowl. Instead of rehearsing an elaborate stage show – complete with [continue reading...]

Posted on December 31st, 2008

2007 Top 20, #7: Brady missing Pro Bowl with unexpected bout of soreloseritus

BOSTON, MA -- In the wake of his team's dramatic Super Bowl XLII's loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that he would not be journeying to Hawaii for [continue reading...]

Posted on December 30th, 2008

Red Sox fans “didn’t want that Teixeira douche anyway”

BOSTON, MA—One would have thought that the Yankees nabbing former Angels first baseman Mark Teixeira and signing him to an 8-year $180 million deal would have put a bit of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 26th, 2008

Matt Cassel not making any friends with “updog” jokes in locker room

Cassel shares an updog joke with the media.

FOXBORO, MA -- After leading his team in a pasting of the Arizona Cardinals with another huge passing day, New England Patriots QB Matt Cassel should be the toast of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 25th, 2008

Man in danger of losing family after 23rd straight fantasy loss

CHICAGO, IL--David Morton is reeling today after losing his 23rd consecutive fantasy footbal contest, and his difficulties on the virtual gridiron are starting to take over his real-life. "Yeah, the wife [continue reading...]

Posted on December 3rd, 2008

Brady Quinn voted NFL’s “prettiest player” for tenth week in a row

CLEVELAND, OH -- Brady Quinn's good fortune is continuing. Days after leading the Cleveland Browns to a win for his first NFL win, Quinn was voted as the NFL's prettiest [continue reading...]

Posted on November 20th, 2008

Patriots sign Manning

FOXBORO, MA -- The New England Patriots, in a move of possible desperation, have signed Cooper Manning, older brother of Peyton and Eli, to play quarterback for the rest of [continue reading...]

Posted on September 20th, 2008

Tom Brady retired to stud

FOXBORO, MA—Citing his season-ending injury and diminishing enthusiasm for the game, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced his retirement yesterday, and said he plans to spend more time with breath-takingly hot [continue reading...]

Posted on September 18th, 2008

Matt Cassel prays science experiment ends world before Sunday

FOXBORO, MA—Newly-minted Patriots starting QB Matt Cassel has begun to pray that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment in Geneva, Switzerland induces a cataclysmic reaction and ending all life on [continue reading...]

Posted on September 11th, 2008

Tom Brady’s rehab plan is basically to bang a bunch of supermodels

FOXBORO, MA -- Monday was a grim day for the fans of the New England Patriots. In what has become know and the "second shot heard 'round the world" the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 10th, 2008

Boston sports fans gear up for hockey season

BOSTON, MA -- Just two days after beloved New England Patriots QB Tom Brady went down with a season ending torn ACL, Boston fans have already started looking to the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 10th, 2008

Irate Bostonian attacks roommate over Brady injury

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Lifelong Boston resident and die-hard Patriots fan Patrick O'Callaghan erupted in a fit of fury Sunday afternoon, after watching beloved Pats quarterback Tom Brady go down with [continue reading...]

Posted on September 9th, 2008

Brady, Moss caught playing ‘Screw, Marry, Kill’ with Lynch, O’Neal, and Hobbs

FOXBORO, MA—Scandal erupted in Patriots training camp yesterday when members of the media walked in on pro-bowlers Tom Brady and Randy Moss engaging in the game known as “Screw, marry, [continue reading...]

Posted on September 2nd, 2008

ESPN unveils latest summer gimmick: “Who’s Porno Hot?”

BRISTOL, CT – Sports fans often dread the news wasteland that is the month of July; the NBA and NHL Finals are over, the NFL has yet to start training [continue reading...]

Posted on July 2nd, 2008

Tom Brady, Sr. having trouble picking out son’s birthday gift

SAN MATEO, CA -- Tom Brady, Sr. – father of New England Patriots' superstar quarterback Tom Brady – is having a "helluva time" figuring out what to get his son [continue reading...]

Posted on June 26th, 2008

Satan to lead Celtics victory parade, collect on debt of souls

This isn’t exactly what Satan looks like, but it’s close

BOSTON, MA -- In celebration of their first NBA championship in 22 years, the city of Boston has scheduled a victory parade for their beloved Celtics. The parade will be [continue reading...]

Posted on June 18th, 2008