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Terrell Owens Archives

Johnson injures mouth, mute 3-4 weeks

CINCINNATI, OH -- Cincinnati Bengals' publicity-seeking star wideout Chad Johnson severely burned his tongue and lips on what is being called "a particularly hot papaya" before his team's preseason game [continue reading...]

Posted on August 20th, 2008

Patrick Henry makes bold statement in anticipation of revolution

RICHMOND, VA -- A recent revelation shows that Patrick Henry, Virginia statesman and revolutionary hero, actually said more in his most famous quote than he is generally given credit for. The [continue reading...]

Posted on August 13th, 2008

‘Cowboys cheerleader tells Jessica Simpson to ’step off’

DALLAS, TX -- A Dallas Cowboys cheerleader is crying right now, but it’s for a totally different reason than T.O. Twenty-one year-old and two-year "Cowgirls" veteran Kandi Harris has publicly [continue reading...]

Posted on January 16th, 2008

Simpson’s “Ginormous bozangas” may have been distraction to Romo

IRVING, TEX - NFL commentators are providing a variety of analysis for the many probable reasons for the NY Giants 21-17 NFC [continue reading...]

Posted on January 14th, 2008

Cowboys set to play Panthers without Barber

CHARLOTTE, NC -- The Dallas Cowboys are playing a crucial road game this weekend, but will be doing so without Marion Barber III, who missed the team plane and will [continue reading...]

Posted on December 22nd, 2007

Dallas Cowboys donated to President Bush in exchange for early end to presidency

DALLAS, TX -- In a heretofore unexpected and unprecedented event, the Dallas Cowboys have been given away to President George W. Bush, in exchange for a commitment that the president [continue reading...]

Posted on November 18th, 2007

Terrell Owens plans minimalist TD celebration full of symbolism and anti-NFL sentiment

DALLAS, TX -- Terrell Owens announced Friday that he is planning a new, "minimalist" touchdown celebration that will leave NFL officials shaken to their core. "You know, there comes [continue reading...]

Posted on September 21st, 2007

Owens to Release Second Book

DALLAS, TX -- After having great success with the children's book he released last year, Terrell Owens has wasted no time in announcing the release of a second book due [continue reading...]

Posted on April 29th, 2007

Mayo changes mind, won’t attend USC

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Controversial high school basketball star O.J. Mayo announced at a press conference Sunday that he no longer plans on attending the University of Southern California, and [continue reading...]

Posted on April 9th, 2007

Etheredge joins Bush administration

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Vice President Dick Cheney was on hand today to introduce the newest member of President George W. Bush's cabinet to the media - former Terrell Owens publicist [continue reading...]

Posted on February 23rd, 2007

Owens, Glenn, Barber, and Cowboys D jealous of Romo for choking more

SEATTLE, WA -- Several members of the Dallas Cowboys expressed serious anger toward quarterback Tony Romo for out-choking them during the Cowboys' 21-20 playoff loss to the Seattle Seahawks. "Look, it [continue reading...]

Posted on January 7th, 2007

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