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Tampa Bay Rays Archives

Joe Buck arrested outside of B.J. Upton’s hotel room holding a boombox over his head blaring Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes”

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- When the Tampa Bay Rays decided to spend Wednesday night in Philadelphia, they knew they were taking a calculated risk. With their young team of burgeoning millionaires, [continue reading...]

Posted on October 30th, 2008

Rays ask MLB to refund costs of non-refundable plane tickets

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The Tampa Bay Rays have made an unusual request to Major League Baseball today, asking Bud Selig if they can have the cost of 50 non-refundable plane [continue reading...]

Posted on October 29th, 2008

BJ Upton plans on stealing 900 bases next year

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Moments after BJ Upton prolonged the World Series by stealing second base and then scoring on a single to left, the Tampa Bay Rays centerfielder predicted that [continue reading...]

Posted on October 28th, 2008

Selig formally thanks Hamels for not stopping the rain

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Bud Selig was moments away from yet another career-defining disaster, but Cole Hamels intervened and saved the day. As Selig sat fretting that the World Series would end [continue reading...]

Posted on October 28th, 2008

Evan Longoria afraid of spiders, snakes, and World Series

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Prior to this week, Evan Longoria had only two major fears: spiders and snakes. However, teammates from the Tampa Bay Rays report that Longoria can safely add [continue reading...]

Posted on October 27th, 2008

B.J. Upton steals three bases and Joe Buck’s heart

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- With three swift stolen bases in the sixth and eighth innings, B.J. Upton stole the Tampa Bay Rays back into Saturday night's World Series game, and, more [continue reading...]

Posted on October 26th, 2008

Rays ask ump if they can pay invoice in installments because of tough economy

TAMPA BAY, FL -- Even though the Tampa Bay Rays are in the World Series, some things about them still show that they are a small market team. For example, [continue reading...]

Posted on October 25th, 2008

Tampa sports fans in a tizzy about the start of the Lightning season

TAMPA, FL –With the NBA still wading through its preseason and the Sony Ericsson Tennis Open having already been played earlier this year, there was very little sports entertainment to [continue reading...]

Posted on October 22nd, 2008

Rays forfeit first game of World Series

TAMPA BAY, FL -- In an unusual move, the Tampa Bay Rays have officially forfeited the first game of the 2008 World Series, under the provision that Phillies pitcher Cole [continue reading...]

Posted on October 20th, 2008

Local man catches self accidentally rooting for Red Sox; pukes on new couch

TERRE HAUTE, IN -- Local consultant John DeWitte was just sitting around on Thursday night, catching a little baseball while his wife Stephanie napped on the couch next to him. [continue reading...]

Posted on October 17th, 2008

Rays heading to Tampa for game one of World Series anyway

TAMPA BAY, FL -- The Tampa Bay Rays flew home early this morning, celebrating as they plan on starting the World Series at home next Wednesday, even though they lost [continue reading...]

Posted on October 17th, 2008

Red Sox seek to be added to federal bailout

BOSTON -- Boston Red Sox owner John Henry announced today that he's very close to a deal with the U.S. Treasury in which the Boston Red Sox will be added [continue reading...]

Posted on October 15th, 2008

Red Sox hoping to trade for a big bat for the rest of the postseason, like Manny Ramirez

BOSTON, MA -- A panicked Theo Epstein spent the entire evening Tuesday working the phones and his BlackBerry, attempting desperately to obtain a power hitter for the Red Sox lineup [continue reading...]

Posted on October 15th, 2008

Red Sox “exhaustion plan” working to perfection

BOSTON, MA -- The Boston Red Sox have the Tampa Bay Rays exactly where they want them. "Yeah, our plan is working perfectly," said manager Terry Francona. "We came into this [continue reading...]

Posted on October 14th, 2008

Defiant atheist continues to use the term ‘Devil Rays’

JACKSONVILLE, FL -- Local atheist John Meyers has launched a subtle and moderately passive-aggressive protest as more and more attention is focused on the success of the Tampa Bay Rays [continue reading...]

Posted on October 13th, 2008

Vitale so excited about the Rays that he’s just walking around yelling all the time and saying these ridiculous phrases

TAMPA BAY, FL -- Dick Vitale, who has been a Tampa Bay Rays season ticket holder since the team's move to the Tampa area, is so excited about the Rays' [continue reading...]

Posted on October 12th, 2008

B.J. Upton benched for remainder of playoffs for lack of hustle during post-game celebration

TAMPA BAY, FL -- A distraught Joe Maddon told reporters that B.J. Upton had left him "no choice," and that the Rays star centerfielder would be benched for the remainder [continue reading...]

Posted on October 8th, 2008

Evangelicals take credit for Tampa Bay playoff berth

TAMPA BAY, FL -- Christian evangelicals across the country are rejoicing today as the Tampa Bay Rays have made the playoffs, an event for which evangelicals are taking complete credit. "See [continue reading...]

Posted on September 24th, 2008

Upton joins basketball league to burn excess energy

Upton feels great since joining a basketball team.

TAMPA, FL -- B.J. Upton has apparently joined a three-on-three, full court basketball league in order to burn some of his excess energy and stay in shape, SSNN has learned. "I [continue reading...]

Posted on August 22nd, 2008

BJ Upton wets himself due to lack of hustle

Upton was none too pleased after his accident.

TAMPA BAY, FL -- Tampa Bay Rays second baseman had an embarrassing moment Monday when he micterated in his pants in the middle of the fourth inning. Upton, who has been [continue reading...]

Posted on August 19th, 2008