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swimming Archives

Olympics rocked by another age scandal

BEIJING, CHINA -- As the Olympics closed, one more scandal rocked the games, as American swimmer Dara Torres was found to be only 41 years old, and not 42 years [continue reading...]

Posted on August 27th, 2008

Instead of cutting hair, Ramirez to wear new, technologically advanced Speedo suit

LOS ANGELES -- In need of some more quickness and in an effort to comply with the Dodgers' clean dress code, Manny Ramirez had been talking about cutting off the [continue reading...]

Posted on August 18th, 2008

2012 Olympics to include sports other than swimming, gymnastics

LONDON, ENGLAND -- Tense and nervous officials from the London Olympic committee announced today in a special meeting that the 2012 Olympic games will include all manner of athletic competition, [continue reading...]

Posted on August 14th, 2008

Olympic swimmer Phelps has water in ear, ends quest for history

BEIJING, CHINA -- Michael Phelps, the celebrated American swimmer expected to shatter the Olympic record for most gold medals in a single Olympics, will not have the opportunity after getting [continue reading...]

Posted on August 14th, 2008

Lezak outduels Bernard in Beijing lunchroom

BEIJING, CHINA -- Although from 30 yards away it appeared a near impossibility, somehow American swimmer Jason Lezak managed to outreach French swimmer Alain Bernard for the final banana in [continue reading...]

Posted on August 11th, 2008

Phelps fails to qualify for NASCAR race

WATKINS GLEN, NY -- Bored of just kicking the shit out of random Europeans and Asians in swimming pools, and inspired by Michelle Wie, Michael Phelps decided it was time [continue reading...]

Posted on August 9th, 2008

Michael Phelps ecstatic to be relevant again

SOMEWHERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA OR POSSIBLY EUROPE -- Michael Phelps was just having a normal Tuesday last week, when something amazing happened. Phelps, who had started his [continue reading...]

Posted on June 9th, 2008

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