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Phelps robs bank, kills man; USOC accepts apology

CHARLESTON, SC -- Olympic superstar Michael Phelps apologized to the nation today after security camera photos captured him robbing a Bank of America bank branch here in Charleston, and also [continue reading...]

Posted on February 6th, 2009

2008 Year in Review, #10: Olympic swimmer Phelps has water in ear, ends quest for history

BEIJING, CHINA -- Michael Phelps, the celebrated American swimmer expected to shatter the Olympic record for most gold medals in a single Olympics, will not have the opportunity after getting [continue reading...]

Posted on December 29th, 2008

Olympics rocked by another age scandal

Can you say Olympic cougar?

BEIJING, CHINA -- As the Olympics closed, one more scandal rocked the games, as American swimmer Dara Torres was found to be only 41 years old, and not 42 years [continue reading...]

Posted on August 27th, 2008

Instead of cutting hair, Ramirez to wear new, technologically advanced Speedo suit

Manny’s got another crazy idea…

LOS ANGELES -- In need of some more quickness and in an effort to comply with the Dodgers' clean dress code, Manny Ramirez had been talking about cutting off the [continue reading...]

Posted on August 18th, 2008

2012 Olympics to include sports other than swimming, gymnastics

London Olympics

LONDON, ENGLAND -- Tense and nervous officials from the London Olympic committee announced today in a special meeting that the 2012 Olympic games will include all manner of athletic competition, [continue reading...]

Posted on August 14th, 2008

Olympic swimmer Phelps has water in ear, ends quest for history

Michael Phelps can’t hear you, he has water in his ear.

BEIJING, CHINA -- Michael Phelps, the celebrated American swimmer expected to shatter the Olympic record for most gold medals in a single Olympics, will not have the opportunity after getting [continue reading...]

Posted on August 14th, 2008

Lezak outduels Bernard in Beijing lunchroom

Michael Phelps cheers as Jason Lezak snags final banana in Beijing lunchroom.

BEIJING, CHINA -- Although from 30 yards away it appeared a near impossibility, somehow American swimmer Jason Lezak managed to outreach French swimmer Alain Bernard for the final banana in [continue reading...]

Posted on August 11th, 2008

Phelps fails to qualify for NASCAR race

Phelps doesn’t understand how he failed to qualify at Watkins Glen

WATKINS GLEN, NY -- Bored of just kicking the shit out of random Europeans and Asians in swimming pools, and inspired by Michelle Wie, Michael Phelps decided it was time [continue reading...]

Posted on August 9th, 2008

Michael Phelps ecstatic to be relevant again

Michael Phelps is just happy to see his name back in print.

SOMEWHERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA OR POSSIBLY EUROPE -- Michael Phelps was just having a normal Tuesday last week, when something amazing happened. Phelps, who had started his [continue reading...]

Posted on June 9th, 2008


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