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Super Bowl Archives
Man furious with co-workers for skipping his Pro Bowl party
MORRISTOWN, N.J. -- Things are awkward at DataTech Systems this morning, as Charlie Zimmer is seething mad at all of his co-workers. "What can I say," Zimmer said. "I work with [continue reading...]
Posted on February 9th, 2009
Rodgers-Cromartie to coaches: “We should have quadruple-covered Holmes at the end there.”
GLENDALE, AZ—As the 2008 Arizona Cardinals began to pack it up on a season in which they fell just short of winning the Super Bowl, one player, rookie cornerback Dominique [continue reading...]
Posted on February 5th, 2009
Kurt Warner orders Whopper, declares faith to drive through attendant
PHOENIX, AZ -– Kurt Warner had just led the Arizona Cardinals a heartwrenching defeat in Super Bowl XLIII against the Pittsburgh Steelers, and he was exhaused. When the aging quarterback [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2009
Kordell Stewart still waiting for people to show up at Super Bowl party
TAMPA BAY, FL -- Even though it's been three days since the Super Bowl, and the victorious Pittsburgh Steelers have already returned to the upper Midwest and celebrated with a [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2009
American viewers becoming disturbed with growing trend of exciting Super Bowls
TAMPA BAY, FL—Last night’s exciting Super Bowl finish, involving two lead changes in the last three minutes, is part of a growing trend that some in America are calling worrisome: [continue reading...]
Posted on February 2nd, 2009
Bruce Springsteen eaten by CC Sabathia during meeting
TAMPA BAY, FL -- Millions of Americans are reeling right now after they've found out that Bruce Springsteen will not be able to perform at halftime of the Super Bowl, [continue reading...]
Posted on February 1st, 2009
UPDATE: Sabathia secures meeting with Springsteen at Super Bowl
TAMPA BAY, FL—As recently reported by your humble correspondents at SSNN, Yankees ace and gigantic Bruce Springsteen fan CC Sabathia has been waiting in heightened anticipation for Springsteen’s halftime performance [continue reading...]
Posted on February 1st, 2009
CC Sabathia “so freakin’ pumped” for Springsteen halftime show
TAMPA BAY, FL—Like much of America, Yankees pitcher CC Sabathia is looking forward to tomorrow's Super Bowl. Unlike the overwhelming majority of his countrymen, however, Sabathia will not be tuning [continue reading...]
Posted on January 31st, 2009
Obama bets stimulus plan on Super Bowl
WASHINGTON, DC -- President and number one sports fan Barack Obama has bet the future of the trillion dollar economic stimulus plan on the outcome of this weekend's Super Bowl [continue reading...]
Posted on January 30th, 2009
God to smite prayers at Super Bowl
HEAVEN -- God is mad as hell and he isn’t going to take it any more. The Almighty ripped Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner and Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu for [continue reading...]
Posted on January 29th, 2009
Patriots coach Bill Belichick caught taping the Cardinals’ taping of the Steelers’ practice
TAMPA BAY -- New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick is facing a new suspension today after he was caught videotaping the Arizona Cardinals, who were taping the Pittsburgh [continue reading...]
Posted on January 29th, 2009
Kurt Warner regularly thanks God for Matt Leinart sucking
TAMPA, FL -- As a successful man of faith, Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner has often found himself giving thanks to his creator for the many good things that have [continue reading...]
Posted on January 27th, 2009
Cardinals move up to seventh in ESPN’s latest power rankings
BRISTOL, CT -- Sunday's release of the ESPN.com's latest NFL power rankings saw the Arizona Cardinals make a big jump to seventh, while the Miami Dolphins and Minnesota Vikings took [continue reading...]
Posted on January 25th, 2009
Cardinals receiver says Bernoulli Effect to blame for sideline spat
PHOENIX, AZ -- Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Anquon Boldin laughed off criticism of his nationally-televised animated argument with offensive coordinator Todd Haley, calling the disagreement “a minor spat over the [continue reading...]
Posted on January 24th, 2009
Giants surprisingly unsympathetic to lower-seed teams
NEW YORK, NY—In a rather puzzling and unexpected turn of events, the members of the New York Giants, most only one year removed from their improbable victory over the previously-unbeaten [continue reading...]
Posted on January 22nd, 2009
Anquan Boldin only Cardinal to not watch inauguration; shunned by teammates
GLENDALE, AZ—Along with an estimated two-thirds of their countrymen, the Arizona Cardinals took a break from their team meeting Tuesday morning to watch the inauguration of Barack Obama as the [continue reading...]
Posted on January 21st, 2009
God tells Warner he’s rooting for Steelers
PHOENIX, AZ—As is his custom after every game, win or lose, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner did not visit clubs or hook up with groupies Sunday night after his team’s 32-25 [continue reading...]
Posted on January 21st, 2009
Polamalu thinking about buying a vowel
PITTSBURGH, PA -- Inspired by a recent rerun of Wheel of Fortune, Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu has announced that he has contacted host Pat Sajak in hopes of buying [continue reading...]
Posted on January 20th, 2009
God tells Warner he’s rooting for Steelers
PHOENIX, AZ—As is his custom after every game, win or lose, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner did not visit clubs or hook up with groupies Sunday night after his team’s 32-25 [continue reading...]
Posted on January 20th, 2009
Utley to write inauguration speech for Obama; will be full of hope, optimism, profanity
PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The office of President-Elect Barack Obama announced today that Chase Utley, injured second baseman for the Philadelphia Phillies, has written Barack Obama's inauguration speech. "We are pleased to [continue reading...]
Posted on January 20th, 2009
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