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Stuart Scott Archives

Stuart Scott seeking advanced degree in hopes of jumpstarting career

BRISTOL, CT -- Aware that his career may have stalled somewhat and that he's in need of a bit of a shake-up, ESPN SportsCenter anchor Stuart Scott has enrolled in [continue reading...]

Posted on August 22nd, 2008

ESPN scrambling for Wednesday programming

BRISTOL, CT -- With the trade of Brett Favre from the Green Bay Packers to the New York Jets completed late last night, panic struck at ESPN headquarters. "Boy, was that [continue reading...]

Posted on August 7th, 2008

ESPN unveils latest summer gimmick: “Who’s Porno Hot?”

BRISTOL, CT – Sports fans often dread the news wasteland that is the month of July; the NBA and NHL Finals are over, the NFL has yet to start training [continue reading...]

Posted on July 2nd, 2008

ESPN shuts down after running out of hair care products

BRISTOL, CT – Though it may often seem that nothing can stop the sports television juggernaut that is ESPN, the network was forced to shut down for several hours yesterday [continue reading...]

Posted on May 28th, 2008

Berman: “Me or the Internet”

BRISTOL, CT -- ESPN is scrambling today after a fiery Chris Berman told executives that he was thinking about leaving his post with the company after nearly 30 years. "At [continue reading...]

Posted on February 25th, 2008

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Even God sick of Clemens udpates

As Roger Clemens has become overexposed in the media yet again, SSNN revisits a classic from May 2007, when everyone was sick of the Rocket. HEAVEN -- Apparently humans are [continue reading...]

Posted on February 13th, 2008

ESPN "totally spaced" on airing fourth game of WNBA Finals

BRISTOL, CT -- ESPN Director of Programming Dan Portman was fined $100 and stripped of his parking space Friday after the fifth-year executive "completely bricked" on airing the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 14th, 2007

Stuart Scott enraged over perceived Evite snub

BRISTOL, CT -- Colleagues struggled to find words to describe the fury unleashed by Stuart Scott after failing to receive and evite to video production intern Calvin Stanfield's going away [continue reading...]

Posted on August 1st, 2007

Racism more “Now” than sexism

BRISTOL, CT -- In an unfortunate continuation of the internally popular segment "Who's Now", ESPN is extending the discussion from athletes to the more controversial aspects of modern American culture. [continue reading...]

Posted on July 25th, 2007

Even God sick of Clemens updates

HEAVEN -- Apparently humans are not the only beings sick of hearing about Roger Clemens' eventual return to the New York Yankees. Weighing in from his Heavenly throne, God said [continue reading...]

Posted on June 2nd, 2007

ESPN to televise Brady baby’s arrival

BRISTOL, CT -- ESPN announced Thursday that the website will air the birth of the lovechild of Patriots QB Tom Brady and actress Bridget Moynahan. The sports giant added that [continue reading...]

Posted on May 31st, 2007

SportsCenter format changes nixed

BRISTOL, CT -- After months of now-wasted preparation, ESPN has decided against proposed changes to SportsCenter, their daily staple that changed the way sports news is presented. The all-sports network [continue reading...]

Posted on May 28th, 2007

Scott compelled to take much-needed break

BRISTOL, CT -- Stuart Scott – the man that blessed the nation with catch phrases like "Boo-Ya" and "cooler than the other side of the pillow" – has left ESPN [continue reading...]

Posted on May 13th, 2007

Stuart Scott’s wife refuses hug, hand-pound

BRISTOL, CT -- ESPN SportsCenter anchor Stuart Scott's wife had enough, apparently, refusing both a hug and a hand-pound when her husband returned from taping his show "Stump the Schwab" [continue reading...]

Posted on January 4th, 2007

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