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steroids Archives
Baseball owners want to use instant replay to review Selig hiring
NEW YORK, NY -- As the professional baseball owners gather to consider instant replay, SSNN has learned that many of the owners are interested in using the technology to take [continue reading...]
Posted on August 19th, 2008
Tour de France reportedly over, someone presumably won
CHICAGO, IL -- North side resident Bill Meyer has suddenly realized that the Tour de France, the biggest prize in international cycling, "probably ended a couple weeks ago," but also [continue reading...]
Posted on August 14th, 2008
Dodgers to force Andruw Jones to take steroids
LOS ANGELES, CA -- In a controversial move, Dodgers General Manager Ned Colletti has issued an executive order requiring that Andruw Jones immediately begin taking a regiment of steroids. "I [continue reading...]
Posted on August 11th, 2008
Waxman to look into competitive eating scandal
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Oversight and Government Reform Committee Chairman – and America's favorite watchdog – Henry Waxman, D-Calif., announced today that he will personally look into the competitive eating scandal [continue reading...]
Posted on July 14th, 2008
Steroid prices to reach all-time high as demand increases
NEW YORK, NY -- Wall Street analysts are predicting a steep increase in the price of anabolic steroids worldwide due to increased demand this summer, with some market watchers are [continue reading...]
Posted on July 11th, 2008
Scandal rocks hot dog eating contest
CONEY ISLAND, NY -- Less than a week after the 93rd annual Nathan's International July Fourth Hot Dog Eating Contest, controversy continues to swirl around the competitive eaters who participated [continue reading...]
Posted on July 10th, 2008
Extra 10% in oft-used sports cliché discovered to be steroids
NEW YORK, NY -- The war on performance-enhancing drugs in professional sports may not be over, but an independent team of researchers operating in New York have won a significant [continue reading...]
Posted on June 18th, 2008
Specter begins investigation into National Spelling Bee
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- On May 30th, in front of a live TV audience, Sameer Mishra took home the top honors at the 2008 Scripps National Spelling Bee by correctly spelling [continue reading...]
Posted on June 17th, 2008
Underweight benchwarmer admits to steroid use
ASHEVILLE, NC -- Though more and more high-profile professional athletes are under the microscope for alleged steroid use, it is arguably more disturbing when a former over-30 B-league soccer player [continue reading...]
Posted on June 16th, 2008
NASCAR, horse racing to merge
CHARLOTTE, NC -- In another shrewd marketing move, the executives at NASCAR have announced that they are joining forces with the Jockey Club of America and several state horse racing [continue reading...]
Posted on June 13th, 2008
Astros to add new attractions to Minute Maid Park
HOUSTON, TX -- Houston Astros owner Drayton McLane announced today that he would be adding new features to Minute Maid Park in order to bolster sagging attendance. "We're very excited about [continue reading...]
Posted on June 11th, 2008
Waxman literally has nothing else to do
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Henry Waxman has heard the complaints before. The House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform Chairman has been asked countless times, and he still has only one [continue reading...]
Posted on June 9th, 2008
Pujols adds insult to injury
ST. LOUIS, MO -- After injuring the San Diego Padres' Chris Young and Josh Bard earlier this week, an emotional Albert Pujols called a press conference today – in an [continue reading...]
Posted on May 24th, 2008
Convicted steroids dealer admits supplying Kurkjian, Clayton
PLANO, TX -- David Jacobs – a Plano man convicted of distributing steroids – told the Dallas Morning News late last month that he supplied steroids and masking agents to [continue reading...]
Posted on May 23rd, 2008
Bonds indictment changed to include head growth, testicle shrinkage
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- In February, Judge Susan Illston ordered prosecutors in the Barry Bonds perjury case to refile their charges in order to avoid the case being thrown out [continue reading...]
Posted on May 15th, 2008
Clemens issues denial of future allegations
HOUSTON, TX -- Roger Clemens and his attorneys issued a statement today in which the fallen star denied any and all future allegations that may be made against him. Clemens – [continue reading...]
Posted on May 7th, 2008
Canseco claims to have injected Barbaro and Seabiscuit with HGH
MIAMI, FL -- A chapter in former slugger Jose Canseco's new book Vindicated alleges new steroid claims, moving from the baseball world into that of competitive horse racing. Canseco, airing [continue reading...]
Posted on May 1st, 2008
Tour de France to have “juicer” and “non-juicer” fields
PARIS, FRANCE -- The Tour de France is the world's most famous cycling event. Covering more than three weeks and 1,800 miles, the event is brutal on both the body [continue reading...]
Posted on April 22nd, 2008
MLB players urge Canseco to concentrate on family, hobbies instead of finishing new book
MIAMI, FL -- Nearly three years after Jose Canseco's highly controversial book Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big, the publishing world is abuzz with [continue reading...]
Posted on April 17th, 2008
IOC also strips Jones of steroids-induced mustache
FORT WORTH, TX -- The IOC has ruled today that in addition to giving up her Olympic medals former track star Marion Jones must also relinquish "any and all residual [continue reading...]
Posted on April 14th, 2008
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