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Stanley Cup Archives

Crosby complains that Stanley Cup is too heavy

PITTSBURGH, PA -- Given that his Pittsburgh Penguins have won the NHL championship and reclaimed the Stanley Cup, one would think that Sidney Crosby would be pretty happy these days. [continue reading...]

Posted on June 16th, 2009

Sidney Crosby removes wax beard

DETROIT, MI—Flushed with excitement after his team’s 2-1 victory over the Red Wings Friday night, Sidney Crosby joyously removed the small wax beard and mustache that he had been wearing [continue reading...]

Posted on June 16th, 2009

Detroit to commit suicide if Red Wings don’t win Stanley Cup

DETROIT, MI—In a 10-month span that witnessed the collapse of its vaunted car industry, a continued stay as the nation’s most dangerous city, and an 0-16 Lions season, it seemed [continue reading...]

Posted on June 12th, 2009

Satan to lead Celtics victory parade, collect on debt of souls

BOSTON, MA -- In celebration of their first NBA championship in 22 years, the city of Boston has scheduled a victory parade for their beloved Celtics. The parade will be [continue reading...]

Posted on June 18th, 2008

Stanley Cup confiscated by airport security

PITTSBURGH, PA -- After a tiring 82-game regular season and 4 grueling playoff series, the Detroit Red Wings finally got their hands on hockey's most illustrious prize. But only hours [continue reading...]

Posted on June 6th, 2008

Malone breaks nose during post-game press conference

DETROIT, MI – After being thoroughly beaten up throughout the Stanley Cup Finals, Ryan Malone suffered a broken nose – again – during a press conference following Game 5. The [continue reading...]

Posted on June 4th, 2008

Hundreds of Red Wings fans hospitalized

DETROIT, MI -- Hospitals all over Detroit reported an unusual number of patients Monday, due in large part to Red Wings fans having octopi stuck in a very uncomfortable place. [continue reading...]

Posted on June 2nd, 2008

Dallas radio personality alleges Wings equipped with strategically placed rockets

DALLAS, TX -- A local sports talk show host has an interesting theory as to why his Dallas Stars are down 3-0 to the Detroit Red Wings and suddenly facing [continue reading...]

Posted on May 14th, 2008

Stanley Cup to go under knife

ANAHEIM, CA -- The Stanley Cup trophy has been in California for only a few weeks; but that was enough time for it to realize that it wants to get [continue reading...]

Posted on June 21st, 2007

Bettman discovers Cup has been won

NEW YORK, NY -- National Hockey League Commissioner Gary Bettman was delighted yesterday to hear that one of the thirty teams in his league had won the Stanley Cup. "Oh really? [continue reading...]

Posted on June 14th, 2007

Hockey to hold playoffs despite lack of attention

NEW YORK -- In a poorly attended Sunday afternoon press conference, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman announced that the league plans to hold their semi-annual postseason tournament despite the fact that [continue reading...]

Posted on March 4th, 2007

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