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spring training Archives
Collective Yawn Goes Unheard
Miami, FL -- Government agencies along the East Coast of the United States have reported a previously uncharted seismic occurrence. Newly developed technology designed to measure the effect of [continue reading...]
Posted on March 22nd, 2009
Reporter develops new “on steroids” game for A-Rod, kind of like “in bed” with fortune cookies
SOMEWHERE IN FLORIDA -- In an amazing development of modern journalism, reporter Michael Terwilliger of SSNN's Palm Beach, Fla. satellite office has developed an amazing game. "It's just like the fortune [continue reading...]
Posted on February 27th, 2009
2008 Top 20, #13: Zambrano skipping spring training until he gets a MacBook Air
UNDISCLOSED ARIZONA LOCATION -- Carlos Zambrano is in the best shape of his life, and is looking forward to putting up over 20 wins for the Chicago Cubs. Just not [continue reading...]
Posted on December 29th, 2008
Indians keep asking rookie to eat stuff
CLEVELAND, OH -- At first, new Cleveland Indians reliever Masahide Kobayashi just thought his new teammates were being nice, that they were just trying to get acclimated to a new [continue reading...]
Posted on March 29th, 2008
Fukudome spends all night preparing appeal for Cubs kangaroo court
TUCSON, AZ -- Kosuke Fukudome was exhausted this morning, after spending the entire night in the University of Arizona law library studying the American legal system in preparation for a [continue reading...]
Posted on March 27th, 2008
Upton furious with Rays over demotion of Evan Longoria
TAMPA, FL -- B.J. Upton is seething mad this week after the Rays demoted uber-prospect Evan Longoria to the minor leagues. "I really can't believe they would do this to us," [continue reading...]
Posted on March 26th, 2008
Zambrano obsessed with new Macbook Air song
MESA, AZ -- Spring training means different things to different players. For Chicago Cubs ace Carlos Zambrano, this year was all about learning the words to his new favorite song. "Big [continue reading...]
Posted on March 22nd, 2008
Cubs outfielder Pie exhibiting signs of severe separation anxiety
PHOENIX, AZ -- The Cubs are facing some major personnel decisions in the next few weeks, and one of the biggest questions deals with whether they ought to install Felix [continue reading...]
Posted on March 17th, 2008
Twins manager Gardenhire falls irrationally in love with Monroe
FORT MYERS, FL -- Twins manager Ron Gardenhire ended weeks of speculation by declaring his irrational love for outfielder/designated hitter Craig Monroe yesterday evening. Monroe joins infielder Nick Punto and [continue reading...]
Posted on March 17th, 2008
Zambrano sees “An Inconvenient Truth,” goes green
CHICAGO, IL -- Carlos Zambrano had some free time on Thursday, so he popped An Inconvenient Truth into his MacBook Air to kill some time. The results may have changed [continue reading...]
Posted on March 14th, 2008
Congressmen drafted by Brewers, ordered to bat against Randy Johnson
PHOENIX, AZ -- Congressmen Elijah Cummings (D-MD) and Henry Waxman (D-CA) have been drafted by the Milwaukee Brewers and ordered to suit up for Friday's exhibition contest against the Arizona [continue reading...]
Posted on March 12th, 2008
Hernandez, Twins at odds over unusual contract provision
FORT MEYERS, FL -- Tension erupted in the Minnesota Twins' camp as an obscure clause in starting pitcher Livan Hernandez' contract surfaced after yesterday's game. After losing veterans Johan Santana and [continue reading...]
Posted on March 12th, 2008
Hamels punches wall, creates new continent
ST. PETERSBURG, FL -- Following a rough spring training outing on Friday – when the Phillies visited and lost to the Tampa Bay Rays – Cole Hamels was frustrated. The [continue reading...]
Posted on March 10th, 2008
Zambrano forgot to work out in offseason
MESA, AZ -- The Cubs are furious with pitcher Carlos Zambrano after it became clear that he had not worked out even one time since last season. "I am embarrased to [continue reading...]
Posted on March 5th, 2008
Waitress feels stupid after realizing Prince Fielder is not actually heir to any crown
PHOENIX, AZ -- Phoenix waitress Angela Lariano is feeling ashamed today, after she slept with Prince Fielder because she mistakenly believed the 250-lb. slugger was a real member of a [continue reading...]
Posted on February 25th, 2008
Cards aim for shutdown of Jupiter alcohol sales
JUPITER, FL -- In an effort to keep the blood alcohol levels of its players and coaches below the legal limit, the St. Louis Cardinals organization has taken the unprecedented [continue reading...]
Posted on February 20th, 2008
Jeter annoying teammates with new joke
TAMPA, FL -- As spring training begins, Derek Jeter is on thin ice with a number of his teammates, who are already annoyed with his new "signature" joke. "I've got this [continue reading...]
Posted on February 14th, 2008
Zambrano skipping spring training until he gets a MacBook Air
UNDISCLOSED ARIZONA LOCATION -- Carlos Zambrano is in the best shape of his life, and is looking forward to putting up over 20 wins for the Chicago Cubs. Just not [continue reading...]
Posted on February 14th, 2008
Yankees to hold spring training in Baghdad
NEW YORK, NY -- Citing a lack of conditioning and mental toughness as a root cause of their annual playoff failures, New York Yankees management has announced that this year, [continue reading...]
Posted on February 13th, 2008
Clemens to 60 Minutes: Injections were not steroids
NEW YORK--An embattled Roger Clemens told 60 minutes this week that the injections he received from his former trainer were not steroids or human growth hormone, as has been widely [continue reading...]
Posted on January 3rd, 2008
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