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sex Archives
2008 Top 20, #5: Pearl to open jewelry store
KNOXVILLE, TN -- Looking to capitalize on his local stardom and already thinking about life after basketball, Tennessee Volunteer head basketball coach Bruce Pearl announced today he plans on opening [continue reading...]
Posted on December 31st, 2008
2008 Year in Review, #17: Announcer carefully studying what he can say about female gymnasts without seeming like a total pervert
BEIJING, CHINA -- Announcing for the Olympics requires a lot of preparation, as most sports fans know. Stories of Bob Costas and other announcers preparing for years in anticipation of [continue reading...]
Posted on December 28th, 2008
Marc Bulger has decided to go on J-Date
ST. LOUIS, MO -- St. Louis Rams starting QB Marc Bulger surprised teammates, media members and the Jewish community of greater St. Louis when he announced during his Wednesday press [continue reading...]
Posted on December 17th, 2008
Hamilton wins best season by dude who once had a heroin addiction
ARLINGTON, TX -- Much was made in baseball circles of the lack of activity during last week's Winter Meetings in Las Vegas, but fans may be surprised to learn that [continue reading...]
Posted on December 17th, 2008
Local man goes “slumpbusting” to end bad streak at work; wife is furious
IOWA CITY, IA -- Local communications specialist David O'Reilly has been having some trouble at work recently, so he finally decided to do something about it. "I haven't been able to [continue reading...]
Posted on October 22nd, 2008
Tom Brady retired to stud
FOXBORO, MA—Citing his season-ending injury and diminishing enthusiasm for the game, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced his retirement yesterday, and said he plans to spend more time with breath-takingly hot [continue reading...]
Posted on September 18th, 2008
Ramirez only now realizes that the Dodgers didn’t give him number 69
LOS ANGELES, CA -- Manny Ramirez looked at his uniform today and was stunned to realize that he'd been given the uniform number 99 instead of 69, which he had [continue reading...]
Posted on August 28th, 2008
Pretty much every stripper in New Orleans wants to get nailed by Jeremy Shockey
NEW ORLEANS, LA -- SSNN has learned that pretty much every stripper in New Orleans wants to get nailed by Jeremy Shockey pretty bad right now. "I gotta be honest, I [continue reading...]
Posted on August 28th, 2008
Women’s gymnastics top-rated program among men 34-55 fitting FBI pedophile profile
NEW YORK, NY -- The Nielsen Media Research Corporation has announced the ratings results of last week's Olympic games. The top-rated sport this time around was swimming – this came as [continue reading...]
Posted on August 26th, 2008
Paul impresses with genuine interest in other cultures during Olympics
BEIJING, CHINA -- Though Chris Paul's performance on the basketball court was less than spectacular during the Olympic games, but his coaches and teammates from the "Redeem Team" have praised [continue reading...]
Posted on August 25th, 2008
Announcer carefully studying what he can say about female gymnasts without seeming like a total pervert
BEIJING, CHINA -- Announcing for the Olympics requires a lot of preparation, as most sports fans know. Stories of Bob Costas and other announcers preparing for years in anticipation of [continue reading...]
Posted on August 8th, 2008
Ramirez plans to become gay porn star
HOLLYWOOD, CA -- Looking to capitalize on his new locale, Manny Ramirez told SSNN he is hoping to get into the gay porn industry. The latest addition to the Los Angeles [continue reading...]
Posted on August 4th, 2008
A-Rod’s heart touched by Katy Perry single
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- With the New York Yankees hovering in third place in the AL East, 5.5 games behind the surging Tampa Bay Rays, Alex Rodriguez has been [continue reading...]
Posted on June 30th, 2008
Woman who actually knows how Shaq’s ass tastes paid not to tell anyone
LOS ANGELES, CA -- In a dramatic and ironic twist, one of the few people in the world who actually knows how Shaquille O'Neal's ass tastes has been paid not [continue reading...]
Posted on June 25th, 2008
Yankees accidentally allow Chamberlain to finish his dinner
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Appearing at a rare press conference together with manager Joe Girardi, Yankees chairman Hank Steinbrenner revealed that star pitcher Joba Chamberlain had accidentally been allowed [continue reading...]
Posted on June 20th, 2008
Pearl to open jewelry store
KNOXVILLE, TN -- Looking to capitalize on his local stardom and already thinking about life after basketball, Tennessee Volunteer head basketball coach Bruce Pearl announced today he plans on opening [continue reading...]
Posted on June 19th, 2008
Pierce injures leg, unable to take out garbage
BOSTON, MA -- While Boston fans were celebrating their 17th NBA championship on Tuesday night, one of the key cogs from their latest championship squad was suffering déjà vu. Mere [continue reading...]
Posted on June 18th, 2008
Bruce bests Tiger in friendly match play round
CINCINNATI, OH -- All is not well for Tiger Woods, even after the golfer further cemented his legacy with a dramatic victory in the 2008 U.S. Open. Cincinnati Reds outfielder/god [continue reading...]
Posted on June 17th, 2008
Yankees to headline writers: Stop playing with our Wang
NEW YORK, NY -- Amid floods of sophomoric and juvenile headlines, the New York Yankees called a press conference today to hopefully stop the bevy of Wang references. "We get [continue reading...]
Posted on June 16th, 2008
Actress Milano expected to break Ripken streak
HOLLYWOOD, CA -- According to her online baseball blog, former Charmed star Alyssa Milano expects to have sex with Tampa Bay Rays rookie bullpen catcher Arturo Guzman this Saturday night, [continue reading...]
Posted on June 12th, 2008
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