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Scott Boras Archives

Boras demands contract extension for Strasburg

WASHINGTON, DC -- According to SSNN sources, the Washington Nationals have been contacted by uber-agent Scott Boras, who is demanding a contract extension for injured pitcher Steven Strasburg. "You gotta strike [continue reading...]

Posted on August 30th, 2010

Manny Ramirez emphasizes to Dodgers he plans to sell his private jet and begin investing in alternative energy

LOS ANGELES, CA—Fresh off of his rejection of the Dodgers’ latest contract extension, Manny Ramirez released a statement through his agent Scott Boras on Monday, in which the twelve-time all-star [continue reading...]

Posted on March 1st, 2009

Manny Ramirez can’t stop talking about “difficult economic times”

LOS ANGELES, CA—No one is safe from economic hardships these days, not even the multi-billion dollar sports industry. Players, coaches, and owners alike have all felt the pinch of the [continue reading...]

Posted on February 4th, 2009

Nats offer to $160 million to Teixeira LOL!! LMAO!

WASHINGTON, DC -- The Washington Nationals have made an eight-year, $160 million contract to Angels first baseman Mark Teixeira, LOL!!!! "Yeah, we totally offered a $160 million contract to Mark Teixeira, [continue reading...]

Posted on December 11th, 2008

Sarah Palin eats Scott Boras’s soul, becomes nicer

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- SSNN has learned that Sarah Palin ate Scott Boras's soul last night, and actually became a much more friendly, generous person than she had been beforehand. "Yes, I [continue reading...]

Posted on September 4th, 2008

MLB now using SurveyMonkey to conduct major rule changes

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Serious Sports News Network received word late Thursday that Major League Baseball has adopted a new and controversial method of reviewing proposed rule changes. "We've basically [continue reading...]

Posted on April 10th, 2008

A-Rod, Boras agree to couple’s therapy

NEW YORK, NY -- A spokesperson for uber-agent Scott Boras has revealed that Boras and former client Alex Rodriguez have agreed to attend couple's therapy in hopes of rekindling their [continue reading...]

Posted on December 24th, 2007

Jones’ contract may include lifetime supply of Dodger Dogs

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Super agent Scott Boras has steadfastly denied a rumor claiming that client Andruw Jones signed with the Dodgers for a lifetime's worth of Dodger Stadium's famous [continue reading...]

Posted on December 9th, 2007

New “deal” forces Rodriguez family to tighten purse strings

NEW YORK, NY -- Alex Rodriguez's desire to stay with the New York Yankees with a new, 10-year, $280 million contract has forced his family to make some tough choices [continue reading...]

Posted on November 26th, 2007

FROM THE ARCHIVES: A-Rod torturing Jeter over dinner tab

As A-Rod prepares himself for an offseason of criticism and mockery, we pile on with a classic from earlier this year. BRONX, NY -- Citing an agonizingly annoying three months, [continue reading...]

Posted on November 12th, 2007

Scott Boras announces Corey Patterson signing during sex with wife

BALTIMORE, MD -- During a romantic sexual interlude with his wife Jeanette last night, baseball super-agent Scott Boras announced that free agent Corey Patterson agreed to a 1 year, $4.3 [continue reading...]

Posted on November 1st, 2007

Scott Boras’s fantasy team in seventh place

LOS ANGELES, CA -- A combination of inattention, bad luck, poor negotiating and questionable player selection has sent Scott Boras's fantasy team – Bora$ – into a tailspin over the [continue reading...]

Posted on August 19th, 2007

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