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Satan Archives

Satan to Yankees fans: “It’s out of my hands”

NEW YORK, NY -- Yankee fans woke up to horrifying news this morning, after Satan, Prince of Lies and Ruler of Darkness, gave a dour prognosis for the Bronx Bombers. [continue reading...]

Posted on August 28th, 2008

Satan to lead Celtics victory parade, collect on debt of souls

BOSTON, MA -- In celebration of their first NBA championship in 22 years, the city of Boston has scheduled a victory parade for their beloved Celtics. The parade will be [continue reading...]

Posted on June 18th, 2008

Woods seeks to renegotiate pact with Satan after disappointing loss

DORAL, FL -- After a disappointing fifth-place finish in the CA Championship at Doral, Tiger Woods has reportedly been seen at the crossroads, seeking out Old Harry (a.k.a. the Devil) [continue reading...]

Posted on March 25th, 2008

Devil exercises option, Miles must move to Ann Arbor

BATON ROUGE, LA -- In agreement with a contract signed in 2005, rumors have surfaced that Satan has exercised his option with Les Miles, thereby forcing the LSU coach to [continue reading...]

Posted on November 29th, 2007

Boston sports fans confident apocalypse is near

BOSTON, MA -- The recent success of Boston sports teams has led many Bostonians to speculate that the apocalypse is near. "Oh, abso-fuckin'-lutely," Boston sports fan, Bert McNulty told SSNN. [continue reading...]

Posted on November 13th, 2007

Tom Brady now favorite Son of The Almighty

BOSTON, MA -- Seán Patrick Cardinal O'Malley, Archbishop of Boston, declared today that after watching a repeat of last weekend's contest between the Patriots and the Dolphins, it has become [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2007

Indians 2007 home games relocated

MILWAUKEE, WI -- Major League Baseball announced Monday that the Cleveland Indians will play the rest of the games scheduled for Jacobs Field this season in Hell. The team's entire [continue reading...]

Posted on April 10th, 2007

Rose finally comes clean

CINCINNATI, OH -- Pete Rose released a statement Wednesday that may further tarnish his legacy and is sure to rule out any chance of him being elected to the Hall [continue reading...]

Posted on March 15th, 2007

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