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Roger Goodell Archives
Mendenhall falls in draft after being blinded by Keyshawn Johnson’s outfit
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Saturday's draft day was not what Rashard Mendenhall had expected. The Illinois running back's future – and career – are in question after he was severely [continue reading...]
Posted on April 27th, 2008
Chris Long, Jake Long plan identity switcheroo at draft
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- OT Jake Long of Michigan and DE Chris Long of Virginia, rumored to be the first two picks of this year's NFL Draft, are planning [continue reading...]
Posted on April 25th, 2008
Jones confident plans to “smoke myself retarded” won’t affect reinstatement
DALLAS, TX -- With a trade to Dallas a possibility, Pacman Jones is singularly focused on getting reinstated to the NFL and continuing his football career, but the one-time Tennessee [continue reading...]
Posted on April 20th, 2008
Jones accidentally files for reinstatement with IRS
NASHVILLE, TN -- Racing against the clock to meet a Tuesday night deadline, suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones accidentally filed for reinstatement with the Internal Revenue Service. IRS commissioner [continue reading...]
Posted on April 18th, 2008
Favre upset that Doomsday projection precedes Hall induction
GULFPORT, MS -- With the emotional roller coaster that is his transition from a Hall-of-Fame career to the uncertainty of life after football not yet over, newly retired quarterback Brett [continue reading...]
Posted on April 9th, 2008
Pacman Jones to sponsor Make It Rain Pennies for the Homeless Day
NASHVILLE, TN -- It is no secret that suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones yearns to be reinstated to the NFL. After a lengthy suspension handed down by NFL [continue reading...]
Posted on April 1st, 2008
Source reports Al Davis has been dead for three years
OAKLAND, CA -- A source within the Oakland Raiders organization has confirmed a recent rumor that longtime Raiders owner Al Davis has been dead for just over three years. According [continue reading...]
Posted on March 27th, 2008
Favre accidentaly signs with Dolphins while completing routine paperwork
GREEN BAY, WI -- While filling out paperwork that should have officially concluded his career with the Green Bay Packers, Brett Favre inadvertently signed his name in the wrong place [continue reading...]
Posted on March 27th, 2008
Congress to investigate sports clichés
WASHINGTON, DC -- With sequels doing so well at the movie box office, Congress has decided to put on another installment of its wildly successful series of investigations into professional [continue reading...]
Posted on March 11th, 2008
Spitzer resigns from office, declares for NFL draft
ALBANY, NY -- Elliot Spitzer has resigned from office as governor of the State of New York, and has declared himself eligible for the NFL draft, where he is expected [continue reading...]
Posted on March 10th, 2008
Mortensen cell confiscated, brought to Hall
CANTON, OH -- With the tears of innumerable cheese-heads and football fans around the country not yet dry after Brett Favre's official retirement announcement, a shrine dedicated to the future [continue reading...]
Posted on March 9th, 2008
Goodell: “I can out-commish Bud Selig in my sleep”
NEW YORK, NY -- With controversy surrounding his admission of destroying tapes that were involved in the on-going New England Patriots Spygate scandal, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell quickly deflected the [continue reading...]
Posted on February 19th, 2008
NFL to play game in Bermuda Triangle, hoping Denver Broncos will disappear
BERMUDA -- The NFL, continuing its new approach of playing games at the world's great landmarks, has scheduled a regular season game for next season during which it really hopes [continue reading...]
Posted on February 8th, 2008
National Weather Service lowers Two-Minute Warning to Two-Minute Watch
SILVER SPRING, MD -- The National Weather Service officially lowered the NFL's traditional Two-Minute Warning down to a Two-Minute Watch today, following an announcement that many of the league's football [continue reading...]
Posted on December 27th, 2007
Dolphins win, decide to quit while ahead
MIAMI, FL –- Early Wednesday, following the Dolphins' shocking overtime win over Baltimore last Sunday, Miami owner Wayne Huizenga announced that the team plans to forfeit the rest of the [continue reading...]
Posted on December 19th, 2007
Vikings fined for having Adrian Peterson wear Chester Taylor’s uniform
SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- It's been a year of deception in the NFL. Only months after the New England Patriots got the league's largest ever fine, the Minnesota Vikings received a [continue reading...]
Posted on December 10th, 2007
Desperate Vick attorneys throw red challenge flag at sentencing
RICHMOND, VA -- With their client already in jail and seemingly no recourse remaining to them, Michael Vick's attorneys launched a last-ditch effort to stop their client from going to [continue reading...]
Posted on December 10th, 2007
FROM THE ARCHIVES: Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08
The Patriots were only 9-0 when Bill Belichick began to consider simulating the remainder of the season using Madden '08. That option has to be looking even more attractive now, [continue reading...]
Posted on December 9th, 2007
Patriots sell Jets game film to Iran
NEW ENGLAND and TEHRAN -- In a surprise move, the New England Patriots have agreed to sell game film of the New York Jets to Iran's controversial nuclear program. "They were [continue reading...]
Posted on December 7th, 2007
Goodell: Redskins, Bears must both try to win
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Charting new territory even for himself, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell has sent an urgent memo to both the Washington Redskins and the Chicago Bears on the morning [continue reading...]
Posted on December 6th, 2007
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