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retirement Archives

Favre: no plans to retire from being mental pain in the ass every spring

HATTIESBURG, MS -- After a disappointing run with the New York Jets in 2008, retired quarterback Brett Favre is flirting with the Minnesota Vikings in an attempt to resurrect [continue reading...]

Posted on May 8th, 2009

Brett Favre preemptively retires from remaining 30 NFL teams

NEW YORK, NY - Following an announcement earlier that Brett Favre has officially retired from the New York Jets, he released a statement citing that he is also retiring from [continue reading...]

Posted on February 11th, 2009

Local man has to recalculate entire draft plan upon hearing of Kent’s retirement

TRENTON, N.J. -- The world of Jason Ruffalo was thrown into upheaval this week when mustachioed L.A. Dodger second sacker Jeff Kent announced his retirement from baseball. "I had Jeff [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2009

Kent retires, much to nobody’s dismay

LOS ANGELES, CA -- A major hot stove story broke from the Los Angeles Dodgers today, where five-time All-Star and probable Hall-of-Famer Jeff Kent announced his retirement from Major League [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2009

Favre resumes taking painkillers

NEW YORK, NY—In what has become a rather predictable off-season routine for the football world, Jets quarterback Brett Favre announced today that he will, after spending several weeks with his [continue reading...]

Posted on January 10th, 2009

Brett Favre has (probably) played his last NFL game (we think)

NEW YORK -- SSNN has (sort of) learned that (potentially) Brett Favre of the New York Jets is going to (maybe) retire from football and that the future Hall of [continue reading...]

Posted on January 8th, 2009

2008 Top 20, #9: Rodgers offers to not play for only $15 million

GREEN BAY, WI -- After yesterday's reports that the Green Bay Packers offered erstwhile QB Brett Favre as much as $20 million to stay retired, the Pack's quarterback debacle has [continue reading...]

Posted on December 30th, 2008

Favres forgot to cancel Monday Night Football party

KILN, MS -- Dozens of friends of Brett and Deanna Favre were puzzled Monday when they arrived at the Favre residence for a Monday Night Football viewing party, only to [continue reading...]

Posted on September 22nd, 2008

Lance Armstrong goes for bike ride in France, ends up unretired

PARIS, FRANCE—A pleasant bikeride through the Parisian countryside quickly became awkward for Lance Armstrong, when rumors began to spread that the famous cyclist was returning to professional competition. “I thought [continue reading...]

Posted on September 11th, 2008

Piazza apparently retired some time ago

Piazza was last seen wearing a bad beard, A’s warm-ups and a frown.

NEW YORK, NY -- Much to our collective surprise, SSNN has learned that Mike Piazza, future Hall of Fame catcher for the Dodgers, Mets and most recently the Padres and [continue reading...]

Posted on August 25th, 2008

Nation mourns life of Tim McCarver

NEW YORK, NY -- Thousands of sports fans spent much of Monday mourning the life of Tim McCarver following the passing of Skip Caray earlier in the day. "You can't [continue reading...]

Posted on August 6th, 2008

Rodgers offers to not play for only $15 million

Rodgers would gladly stay in this hat forever for $15 mil

GREEN BAY, WI -- After yesterday's reports that the Green Bay Packers offered erstwhile QB Brett Favre as much as $20 million to stay retired, the Pack's quarterback debacle has [continue reading...]

Posted on July 31st, 2008

WNBA - Whatever it Takes to Keep People Watching

Looks like a lot has changed in the world of sports since I last blogged. WNBA making headlines? Hummina? Ladies, I have to say that the Biotch is very proud of [continue reading...]

Posted on July 30th, 2008

Reporter hopes to get Pulitzer for coverage of Favre’s cell communications

Favre’s cell phone communications could be Pulitzer material.

GREEN BAY, WI -- Donald Sundsten, a lifelong reporter for a small newspaper on the outskirts of Green Bay, is hoping that he'll finally win the ever-elusive Pulitzer Prize. Sundsten's [continue reading...]

Posted on July 18th, 2008

Packers embroiled in retirement controversy

All this retirement controversy is really overwhelming Ted Thompson.

GREEN BAY, WI -- Earlier this year, he announced he was leaving the Green Bay Packers and the National Football League behind. He already had a storied career, he was [continue reading...]

Posted on July 18th, 2008

PETA protests Favre’s return

Favre loves animals, but PETA still hates him…

GREEN BAY, WI -- A protest by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals went horribly awry on Monday, leaving many longtime supporters confused and thousands of Brett Favre fans [continue reading...]

Posted on July 14th, 2008

Bob Gibson to stage Cardinals comeback

The frighteningly old Gibson is expected to slide into the #1 starter spot

ST LOUIS, MO -- In a move designed to keep up with their National League Central rivals, the St. Louis Cardinals announced today that Hall of Fame pitcher Bob Gibson [continue reading...]

Posted on July 12th, 2008

More of Favre’s phone activities revealed

Favre’s skills in the snake game are downright pathetic…

GREEN BAY, WI -- Shortly after reports surfaced that recently retired quarterback Brett Favre sent a text message to Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson this weekend, an SSNN investigation [continue reading...]

Posted on July 8th, 2008

Written statement prepared by Brett Favre regarding “un-retirement” rumors

SSNN has obtained a copy of an SMS exchange between Brett Favre and Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson regarding Favre's future with the Packers. FROM: Ted Thompson [414.555.1234] TO: Brett [continue reading...]

Posted on July 3rd, 2008

Schilling’s shoulder to have own blog

BOSTON, MA -- Following Boston Red Sox Pitcher Curt Schilling's recent disclosure that he will have potentially career-ending shoulder surgery, the outspoken Schilling announced today that his shoulder will chronicle [continue reading...]

Posted on June 23rd, 2008