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religion Archives

God to smite prayers at Super Bowl

HEAVEN -- God is mad as hell and he isn’t going to take it any more. The Almighty ripped Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner and Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu for [continue reading...]

Posted on January 29th, 2009

Kurt Warner regularly thanks God for Matt Leinart sucking

TAMPA, FL -- As a successful man of faith, Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner has often found himself giving thanks to his creator for the many good things that have [continue reading...]

Posted on January 27th, 2009

God actually went to bed before Kurt Warner thanked him in post-game interview

PHOENIX, AZ, and HEAVEN -- A red-faced God apologized to Kurt Warner today after revealing that indeed he had already shut off his television set and gone to bed before [continue reading...]

Posted on November 11th, 2008

Defiant atheist continues to use the term ‘Devil Rays’

JACKSONVILLE, FL -- Local atheist John Meyers has launched a subtle and moderately passive-aggressive protest as more and more attention is focused on the success of the Tampa Bay Rays [continue reading...]

Posted on October 13th, 2008

God apologizes to Jews for scheduling Yom Kippur during Hamels start

PHILADELPHIA and HEAVEN -- A remorseful God, already reeling from a very taxing Day of Atonement, issued a tearful apology to the world's Jews for a scheduling snafu which saw [continue reading...]

Posted on October 9th, 2008

Johnny Cueto anointed as savior, gives blind man sight

CINCINNATI, OH -- Johnny Cueto is quickly becoming a god in Cincinnati. After his second outstanding outing in as many tries on Tuesday night, the Reds rookie sensation was greeted [continue reading...]

Posted on April 13th, 2008

Jesus loves Warner more than Kitna

GLENDALE, AZ -- In a much-hyped battle between outspoken Christian quarterbacks Kurt Warner and Jon Kitna, Jesus made his feelings more than apparent by bestowing a victory upon Warner's Arizona [continue reading...]

Posted on November 12th, 2007

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