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Randy Moss Archives

Pennington to Reed “the new Marino to Clayton”

MIAMI, FL—In the wake of their disappointing 27-9 loss to the Ravens on Sunday, Dolphin fans were left with the consolation of having the biggest turnaround season in NFL history, [continue reading...]

Posted on January 5th, 2009

2007 Top 20, #7: Brady missing Pro Bowl with unexpected bout of soreloseritus

BOSTON, MA -- In the wake of his team's dramatic Super Bowl XLII's loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that he would not be journeying to Hawaii for [continue reading...]

Posted on December 30th, 2008

Matt Cassel not making any friends with “updog” jokes in locker room

Cassel shares an updog joke with the media.

FOXBORO, MA -- After leading his team in a pasting of the Arizona Cardinals with another huge passing day, New England Patriots QB Matt Cassel should be the toast of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 25th, 2008

Azinger favorite to be next coach of Oakland Raiders

OAKLAND, CA -- Citing his unbelievable success at the Ryder Cup, Al Davis has his eyes on Paul Azinger as the potential next coach of the Oakland Raiders. "Did you see [continue reading...]

Posted on September 22nd, 2008

Patriots sign Manning

FOXBORO, MA -- The New England Patriots, in a move of possible desperation, have signed Cooper Manning, older brother of Peyton and Eli, to play quarterback for the rest of [continue reading...]

Posted on September 20th, 2008

Matt Cassel prays science experiment ends world before Sunday

FOXBORO, MA—Newly-minted Patriots starting QB Matt Cassel has begun to pray that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment in Geneva, Switzerland induces a cataclysmic reaction and ending all life on [continue reading...]

Posted on September 11th, 2008

Irate Bostonian attacks roommate over Brady injury

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Lifelong Boston resident and die-hard Patriots fan Patrick O'Callaghan erupted in a fit of fury Sunday afternoon, after watching beloved Pats quarterback Tom Brady go down with [continue reading...]

Posted on September 9th, 2008

Brady, Moss caught playing ‘Screw, Marry, Kill’ with Lynch, O’Neal, and Hobbs

FOXBORO, MA—Scandal erupted in Patriots training camp yesterday when members of the media walked in on pro-bowlers Tom Brady and Randy Moss engaging in the game known as “Screw, marry, [continue reading...]

Posted on September 2nd, 2008

Entire NFL outsourced to Africa in cost-cutting move

NEW YORK, NY – Growing excitement stemming from the opening of training camps throughout the National Football League was overshadowed yesterday by the decidedly controversial decision to outsource the entire [continue reading...]

Posted on July 5th, 2008

Brady missing Pro Bowl with unexpected bout of soreloseritus

BOSTON, MA -- In the wake of his team's dramatic Super Bowl XLII's loss, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced that he would not be journeying to Hawaii for [continue reading...]

Posted on February 6th, 2008

Randy Moss reportedly tells accuser ‘watch Super Bowl to see real beating’

GLENDALE, AZ -- According to inside sources with the New England Patriots, Randy Moss has had several conversations with the woman who accused him of hitting her. "Yeah, Randy talked [continue reading...]

Posted on January 31st, 2008

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Real-life Patriots outperform Bill Simmons-led Video Game Patriots

The Pats may not have been beating teams this bad lately, but chances are they'll smack the Giants worse than Bill Simmons ever could in a video game... NEW YORK, NY [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2008

Awkward mistletoe encounter threatens Patriots’ chemistry

FOXBORO, MA -- For the New England Patriots, a team that has relied on such precision timing and an uncanny ability to avoid trouble for the past four months, Wednesday [continue reading...]

Posted on December 20th, 2007

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08

The Patriots were only 9-0 when Bill Belichick began to consider simulating the remainder of the season using Madden '08. That option has to be looking even more attractive now, [continue reading...]

Posted on December 9th, 2007

Bill Belichick runs up score against son in Madden

FOXBORO, MA -- Patriots coach Bill Belichick made news late Sunday when he was accused of running up the score again, this time in a game of Madden '08 against [continue reading...]

Posted on November 19th, 2007

FROM THE ARCHIVES: Randy Moss excited to come out of retirement

Remember how exciting it was when Randy Moss had just joined the Patriots, and he was getting ready to resurrect his career? Well, here's some help... FOXBORO, MA — "Lots of [continue reading...]

Posted on November 15th, 2007

Patriots to sim rest of season on Madden ‘08

FOXBORO, MA -- At his press conference on Monday, New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick announced the team will simulate the rest of the season using the Madden '08 [continue reading...]

Posted on November 11th, 2007

Tom Brady now favorite Son of The Almighty

BOSTON, MA -- Seán Patrick Cardinal O'Malley, Archbishop of Boston, declared today that after watching a repeat of last weekend's contest between the Patriots and the Dolphins, it has become [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2007

Patriot System makes starters almost unnecessary

BOSTON, MA -- Several days after their complete destruction of the Cincinnati Bengals on Monday Night Football, the New England Patriots made a stunning announcement today. [continue reading...]

Posted on October 4th, 2007

Patriots send extra videotape to NFL, prove cheating did not help

FOXBORO, MA -- When the NFL receives the series of tapes that the New England Patriots are sending them as part of the spygate scandal, there will be one extra [continue reading...]

Posted on September 17th, 2007