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quarterback Archives
God tells Warner he’s rooting for Steelers
PHOENIX, AZ—As is his custom after every game, win or lose, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner did not visit clubs or hook up with groupies Sunday night after his team’s 32-25 [continue reading...]
Posted on January 21st, 2009
God tells Warner he’s rooting for Steelers
PHOENIX, AZ—As is his custom after every game, win or lose, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner did not visit clubs or hook up with groupies Sunday night after his team’s 32-25 [continue reading...]
Posted on January 20th, 2009
Brett Favre has (probably) played his last NFL game (we think)
NEW YORK -- SSNN has (sort of) learned that (potentially) Brett Favre of the New York Jets is going to (maybe) retire from football and that the future Hall of [continue reading...]
Posted on January 8th, 2009
Big Ben recites alphabet up to F; doctors pronounce condition “excellent”
PITTSBURGH, PA—The Steel City has been holding its breath this past week over fears that their pro-bowl quarterback Ben Roethlisberger might not be at full strength following his concussion—the third [continue reading...]
Posted on January 6th, 2009
2008 Year in Review, #18: Favre apologizes for behavior, shares Packers playbook with everyone
NEW YORK NY—A disgraced Brett Favre confessed to reporters on Monday that he had indeed tipped off the Lions about the Packers playbook schemes before his former team faced Detroit [continue reading...]
Posted on December 27th, 2008
Cutler misses crucial practice when stuck in line buying fleece throws at Old Navy (for only $3!)
DENVER, CO -- Broncos starting quarterback Jay Cutler took a personal day Tuesday, blowing off a crucial practice so he could shop at Old Navy. "I was on my Twitter this [continue reading...]
Posted on December 23rd, 2008
Aaron Rodgers attempting to celebtrate both Christmas and Hannukah
GREEN BAY, WI -- Citing his obligation to represent the interests of "Wisconsin's fine Jewish citizens," Aaron Rodgers has announced that he'll be celebrating both Christmas and Hannukah this year. [continue reading...]
Posted on December 23rd, 2008
Peyton Manning goes “off register” on Ashley’s Christmas gift
INDIANAPOLIS, IN—Colts quarterback Peyton Manning learned a valuable lesson last year when he forgot to buy presents for his wife Ashley in the holiday rush. Although tragedy was narrowly averted [continue reading...]
Posted on December 18th, 2008
Vick pleads guilty, sentenced to four years as Lions QB
DETROIT, MI -- Michael Vick flew to Virginia this week and plead guilty to state charges of dogfighting. Vick struck a deal in which he'll not have to face additional [continue reading...]
Posted on November 27th, 2008
Brady Quinn voted NFL’s “prettiest player” for tenth week in a row
CLEVELAND, OH -- Brady Quinn's good fortune is continuing. Days after leading the Cleveland Browns to a win for his first NFL win, Quinn was voted as the NFL's prettiest [continue reading...]
Posted on November 20th, 2008
McNabb also didn’t know what to do with weird brown thingamajig
PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Donovan McNabb revealed to reporters that he as stunned and amazed that NFL games could end in ties after Sunday's 13-13 deadlock against the Cincinnati Bengals. [continue reading...]
Posted on November 19th, 2008
ARCHIVES: Brady Quinn receiving special protection from Joe Thomas
Enjoy this encore presentation of a classic SSNN piece. CLEVELAND, OH -- Cleveland Browns left tackle Joe Thomas has taken some unusual steps to protect rookie quarterback Brady Quinn this preseason. Thomas [continue reading...]
Posted on November 16th, 2008
Philly fans ready to be extra spiteful toward Donovan McNabb on Sunday
PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Now with their decades-old championship drought out of the way, Philadelphia fans are prepared to be extra spiteful toward Donovan McNabb this Sunday when the Eagles take [continue reading...]
Posted on October 31st, 2008
Favre apologizes for behavior, shares Packers playbook with everyone
NEW YORK NY—A disgraced Brett Favre confessed to reporters on Monday that he had indeed tipped off the Lions about the Packers playbook schemes before his former team faced Detroit [continue reading...]
Posted on October 20th, 2008
Petulant Favre writes his name on all of his groceries in family fridge
NEW YORK, NY -- Brett Favre, Super Bowl winning quarterback and future Hall of Famer, has always been known for having the heart of a champion. Now, however, he's increasingly [continue reading...]
Posted on October 20th, 2008
Derek Anderson settles vendetta against fan, will resume being a good quarterback
CLEVELAND, OH -- An irate and perhaps overly sensitive Derek Anderson has informed SSNN that he has completed his vendetta against fantasy football fanatic Nathan Zimmerman, and that the Cleveland [continue reading...]
Posted on October 16th, 2008
Colts would like Peyton Manning to be a little more folksy, like Sarah Palin
INDIANAPOLIS, IN -- The Indianapolis Colts, less than two years removed from a Super Bowl title, have made an unusual request to quarterback Peyton Manning. "Yes, we did make a request [continue reading...]
Posted on October 3rd, 2008
Patriots sign Manning
FOXBORO, MA -- The New England Patriots, in a move of possible desperation, have signed Cooper Manning, older brother of Peyton and Eli, to play quarterback for the rest of [continue reading...]
Posted on September 20th, 2008
Tom Brady retired to stud
FOXBORO, MA—Citing his season-ending injury and diminishing enthusiasm for the game, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced his retirement yesterday, and said he plans to spend more time with breath-takingly hot [continue reading...]
Posted on September 18th, 2008
St. Louis Cardinals bench Matt Leinart
ST. LOUIS, MO -- St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa shocked the world today by announcing that he was proactively benching Matt Leinart in favor of and older, more experienced [continue reading...]
Posted on September 4th, 2008
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