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Olympics Archives
Chinese gymnasts looking forward to high school
BEIJING -- In the wake of controversy surrounding the age of the Olympic Chinese gymnasts, SSNN exclusively overhead two members of the gold medal team, He Kexin, and Deng Linlin [continue reading...]
Posted on September 8th, 2008
Olympics rocked by another age scandal
BEIJING, CHINA -- As the Olympics closed, one more scandal rocked the games, as American swimmer Dara Torres was found to be only 41 years old, and not 42 years [continue reading...]
Posted on August 27th, 2008
Ann Curry annoying friends, family, country by referring to Olympics as “Games of the 29th Olympiad”
BEIJING, CHINA -- Ann Curry's friends and family report that they've been "really annoyed" for over two weeks, Ms. Curry refuses to refer to the Olympics by any name other [continue reading...]
Posted on August 26th, 2008
Costas’s kids to get playing cards, t-shirts from airport gift shop
BEIJING, CHINA -- Bob Costas was spotted in an airport gift shop on Monday morning purchasing last-minute souvenirs for his children, whom he apparently forgot about during his month in [continue reading...]
Posted on August 26th, 2008
Women’s gymnastics top-rated program among men 34-55 fitting FBI pedophile profile
NEW YORK, NY -- The Nielsen Media Research Corporation has announced the ratings results of last week's Olympic games. The top-rated sport this time around was swimming – this came as [continue reading...]
Posted on August 26th, 2008
Paul impresses with genuine interest in other cultures during Olympics
BEIJING, CHINA -- Though Chris Paul's performance on the basketball court was less than spectacular during the Olympic games, but his coaches and teammates from the "Redeem Team" have praised [continue reading...]
Posted on August 25th, 2008
DataTec “Work Olympics” an enormous failure
BETHELEHEM, PA -- DataTec Systems office manager Richard Scottson is always looking for new ways to inspire the 13 employees at his branch of the Pennsylvania payroll provider. "With the economy [continue reading...]
Posted on August 25th, 2008
Major conflict brewing between women’s field hockey and water polo teams
BEIJING, CHINA -- The Olympic Village has been rocked this week with major conflict between the United States field hockey and women's water polo teams, who have developed a sort [continue reading...]
Posted on August 21st, 2008
Anthony on China: Everyone is talking “crazy talk”
BEIJING, CHINA -- Carmelo Anthony called his family Tuesday and reported that "everyone in China be talkin' crazy talk," SSNN has learned. "Everyone here speaks gobbledeegoop and bananamannah," Anthony reportedly said. [continue reading...]
Posted on August 20th, 2008
Instead of cutting hair, Ramirez to wear new, technologically advanced Speedo suit
LOS ANGELES -- In need of some more quickness and in an effort to comply with the Dodgers' clean dress code, Manny Ramirez had been talking about cutting off the [continue reading...]
Posted on August 18th, 2008
Kelton family Olympics marred by doping scandal
DES MOINES, IA -- James Kelton had been looking forward to Friday for more than two years, and was in a positively giddy mood when he came home from his [continue reading...]
Posted on August 18th, 2008
Gasol on photo controversy: “You should’ve seen our other ideas!”
BEIJING, CHINA -- If you were offended by the recent photograph of the Spanish basketball team "slanting" their eyes to mimic the way Chinese people look, Pau Gasol wants you [continue reading...]
Posted on August 15th, 2008
2012 Olympics to include sports other than swimming, gymnastics
LONDON, ENGLAND -- Tense and nervous officials from the London Olympic committee announced today in a special meeting that the 2012 Olympic games will include all manner of athletic competition, [continue reading...]
Posted on August 14th, 2008
Tour de France reportedly over, someone presumably won
CHICAGO, IL -- North side resident Bill Meyer has suddenly realized that the Tour de France, the biggest prize in international cycling, "probably ended a couple weeks ago," but also [continue reading...]
Posted on August 14th, 2008
Olympic swimmer Phelps has water in ear, ends quest for history
BEIJING, CHINA -- Michael Phelps, the celebrated American swimmer expected to shatter the Olympic record for most gold medals in a single Olympics, will not have the opportunity after getting [continue reading...]
Posted on August 14th, 2008
Singing Chinese girl revealed to be computer generated
BEIJING, CHINA -- Chinese government officials sent shockwaves through the international community this morning when they revealed that the nine-year-old girl who sang at the 2008 Olympic Opening Ceremony was [continue reading...]
Posted on August 13th, 2008
Woman loses wedding ring in pocket when she meets James, Paul in Beijing
BEIJING, CHINA -- Days after Kerri Walsh performed brilliantly through the distraction of having lost her wedding ring as she and Misty May-Treanor chase Olympic gold for a second time, [continue reading...]
Posted on August 12th, 2008
Bush learns that waterboarding is not an Olympic sport
BEIJING, CHINA -- U.S. President George W. Bush had an embarrassing moment today during a sightseeing trip in China, when he was informed that waterboarding is not an Olympic sport [continue reading...]
Posted on August 12th, 2008
Artemev refused to compete unless carried off by Karolyi
BEIJING, CHINA -- U.S. Olympic gymnast Alexander "Sasha" Artemev put on quite a show on the pommel horse Monday night, ensuring that the United States would win a bronze medal [continue reading...]
Posted on August 12th, 2008
Lezak outduels Bernard in Beijing lunchroom
BEIJING, CHINA -- Although from 30 yards away it appeared a near impossibility, somehow American swimmer Jason Lezak managed to outreach French swimmer Alain Bernard for the final banana in [continue reading...]
Posted on August 11th, 2008
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