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2008 Top 20, #14: Phillies extend Hamels with an 28-year, $937 million contract

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Following a dominant National League Championship Series in which the lefthander won the MVP award, Cole Hamels has been given a contract extension by the Philadelphia Phillies [continue reading...]

Posted on December 28th, 2008

Joe Torre abandons Chad Billingsley in Nebraska

OMAHA, NE—The Cornhusker State has been making headlines in recent weeks, with its “safe-haven” law—allowing parents to abandon their children at local hospitals without fear of reprisals—being prominently used by [continue reading...]

Posted on October 16th, 2008

Phillies extend Hamels with an 28-year, $937 million contract

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Following a dominant National League Championship Series in which the lefthander won the MVP award, Cole Hamels has been given a contract extension by the Philadelphia Phillies [continue reading...]

Posted on October 16th, 2008

Joe Buck walking around telling people about the significance of mundane events

LOS ANGELES and PHILADELPHIA -- Fox baseball announcer Joe Buck, overtaken with excitement about the National League Championship Series, has taken to describing the immense importance of ordinary events to [continue reading...]

Posted on October 14th, 2008

Mayor of Poughkeepsie invites Cole Hamels to son’s wedding

POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y.—Stuart Weinstein, the mayor of Poughkeepsie, has reportedly invited Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels to attend his son’s wedding, in spite of the fact that Hamels has never met [continue reading...]

Posted on October 10th, 2008

God apologizes to Jews for scheduling Yom Kippur during Hamels start

PHILADELPHIA and HEAVEN -- A remorseful God, already reeling from a very taxing Day of Atonement, issued a tearful apology to the world's Jews for a scheduling snafu which saw [continue reading...]

Posted on October 9th, 2008

Ken Griffey, Jr. reaches 600

MIAMI, FL – Cincinnati Reds outfielder Ken Griffey, Jr. celebrated hitting his 600th career home run this week, becoming the sixth player in history and third in the last six [continue reading...]

Posted on June 11th, 2008

Red Sox team bus made last-second stop at Sports Authority in Denver

DENVER, CO -- Local citizens at one of Denver's Sports Authority locations were treated to a surprise visit from the Boston Red Sox Saturday morning, as the team had to [continue reading...]

Posted on October 28th, 2007

Rockies extend winning streak

DENVER, CO -- The National League champion Colorado Rockies continued their red-hot ways on Tuesday, extending their winning streak to 12 games, and winning 23 of their last 24 as [continue reading...]

Posted on October 17th, 2007

Man annoys wife with imitation of Frank Caliendo doing imitation of Al Pacino doing Abbott and Costello routine

SIOUX CITY, IA -- Marie Rivers was pretty annoyed Sunday evening after the 32-year-old lawyer spent most of the day being regaled by her husband with bad imitations of Frank [continue reading...]

Posted on October 8th, 2007

Lidge Revisited by Pujols Homer

HOUSTON, TX -- After spending the off-season trying to make a full emotional recovery from his 2005 post-season blow-up (something he was never able to do during a career-worst 2006 [continue reading...]

Posted on April 2nd, 2007

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