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Confused Shockey thinks he was traded to the Dolphins

Shockey’s confusion may stem from the fact that he’s been wasted drunk since the Super Bowl.

MIAMI, FL -- A giddy Jeremy Shockey arrived in Florida hours ago, his head spinning with excitement at the prospect of joining the Miami Dolphins and performing again in the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 22nd, 2008

Cynth-Rod accuses Madonna of tampering

Madonna remains skinny, but has become creepy.

MIAMI, FL -- In a bold and unorthodox move, Cynthia Rodriguez has accused Madonna of tampering with her soon-to-be-ex-husband Alex Rodriguez, and has asked NFL commissioner Roger Goodell to make [continue reading...]

Posted on July 21st, 2008

Parcells swayed by 2010 sixth-rounder

Somehow Bill is scarier when he’s happy than when he’s throwing a temper tantrum.

MIAMI, FL -- "One man's throw-in is another man's treasure," said a visibly enthused Bill Parcells, reeling with excitement after obtaining a 2009 second round pick and a 2010 sixth [continue reading...]

Posted on July 21st, 2008

Packers embroiled in retirement controversy

All this retirement controversy is really overwhelming Ted Thompson.

GREEN BAY, WI -- Earlier this year, he announced he was leaving the Green Bay Packers and the National Football League behind. He already had a storied career, he was [continue reading...]

Posted on July 18th, 2008

NFL not looking for gang signs

Goodell does as he damn well pleases, thank you very much!

NEW YORK, NY -- A day after news outlets around the country reported that the National Football League was reviewing past game tapes to look for players flashing gang signs, [continue reading...]

Posted on July 17th, 2008

Favre to return in new role

Favre is contemplative about his burgeoning softball career

KILN, MS -- Legendary Packers quarterback Brett Favre has finally officially announced that he will, indeed, return to the world of sports this year. "I was really dreading retirement, to be [continue reading...]

Posted on July 17th, 2008

PETA protests Favre’s return

Favre loves animals, but PETA still hates him…

GREEN BAY, WI -- A protest by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals went horribly awry on Monday, leaving many longtime supporters confused and thousands of Brett Favre fans [continue reading...]

Posted on July 14th, 2008

More of Favre’s phone activities revealed

Favre’s skills in the snake game are downright pathetic…

GREEN BAY, WI -- Shortly after reports surfaced that recently retired quarterback Brett Favre sent a text message to Green Bay Packers GM Ted Thompson this weekend, an SSNN investigation [continue reading...]

Posted on July 8th, 2008

Entire NFL outsourced to Africa in cost-cutting move

NEW YORK, NY – Growing excitement stemming from the opening of training camps throughout the National Football League was overshadowed yesterday by the decidedly controversial decision to outsource the entire [continue reading...]

Posted on July 5th, 2008

Harrison seeks legal advice from Lewis, Simpson

Marvin’s just looking for a little help from Ray and O.J.

PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Under investigation regarding his involvement in a Philadelphia shooting, Indianapolis Colts' wide receiver Marvin Harrison is not taking any chances. An anonymous source close to the Pro Bowler [continue reading...]

Posted on June 29th, 2008

Tom Brady, Sr. having trouble picking out son’s birthday gift

What can you buy for a guy like this?

SAN MATEO, CA -- Tom Brady, Sr. – father of New England Patriots' superstar quarterback Tom Brady – is having a "helluva time" figuring out what to get his son [continue reading...]

Posted on June 26th, 2008

Johnson admits he just doesn’t know how to tie his shoes

Chad is glad to be back with the Bengals

CINCINNATI, OH -- Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson finally showed up at Bengals headquarters last week to participate in the team's "optional" mini-camp, but things were not all rosy [continue reading...]

Posted on June 15th, 2008

Benson to enroll in flight school after latest arrest, release from Bears

cedric_benson-mugshot2

AUSTIN, TX -- Though Cedric Benson's two alcohol-related arrests this summer led to his being cut from the Chicago Bears, they have not diminished his desire to succeed. "Like I've told [continue reading...]

Posted on June 10th, 2008

Jets can’t decide which weak-armed QB should start

Eric Mangini has a fat face and a QB controversy

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- New York Jets coach Eric Mangini has a problem that many football coaches have this time of year – he can't decide on his starting [continue reading...]

Posted on June 5th, 2008

Phone companies report record call volume over Joba

Joba Chamberlain is really overexcited about starting.

NEW YORK, NY -- Several leading cellular phone companies reported a record number of phone calls Friday, apparently due to the announcement that New York Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain will [continue reading...]

Posted on May 30th, 2008

Taylor offers to teach Parcells to dance

Imagine if that hottie was Bill Parcells… mmmm…

MIAMI, FL -- Miami Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor has made the first move in trying to repair his relationship with Bill Parcells, Miami's new Executive Vice President of Football [continue reading...]

Posted on May 29th, 2008

Henry contemplating retirement after receiving hefty economic stimulus check

Travis Henry, loving life and George W

PHOENIX, AZ -- An ordinary trip to the mailbox Tuesday resulted in elation and an overwhelming flood of emotion for Travis Henry. The six-year NFL veteran and current Denver Broncos [continue reading...]

Posted on May 28th, 2008

Convicted steroids dealer admits supplying Kurkjian, Clayton

Steroids? This guy? Seriously?

PLANO, TX -- David Jacobs – a Plano man convicted of distributing steroids – told the Dallas Morning News late last month that he supplied steroids and masking agents to [continue reading...]

Posted on May 23rd, 2008

Dolphins may hold dance contest to lure Taylor back

Dancing looks pretty good from here…

MIAMI, FL -- Contrary to public reports stating otherwise, SSNN has learned that the Miami Dolphins are desperate to bring back Pro Bowl defensive end Jason Taylor. In recent months, [continue reading...]

Posted on May 22nd, 2008

Specter wants Walsh indicted for teasing

Matt Walsh is dumber than he looks

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Although the video tapes he turned over to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell proved that former Patriots' video assistant Matt Walsh had done nothing illegal, he may not [continue reading...]

Posted on May 16th, 2008

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