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New York Yankees Archives
Rodriguez denies quad injury is attempt to be like Jeter
NEW YORK, NY -- New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez left Sunday's 7-1 win over the Baltimore Orioles with a strained quad, but the All-Star denies accusations that his [continue reading...]
Posted on April 21st, 2008
Kurkjian insists he’s never been kicked in the nuts
BRONX, NY -- It's the second Yankees-Red Sox series of the season – and the first in New York – which means the entire ESPN baseball staff is in the [continue reading...]
Posted on April 16th, 2008
Dead cardinal, white sock found under Bartman’s seat at Wrigley
CHICAGO, IL -- Maybe Wrigley Field is cursed after all. Days after a Boston Red Sox fan who was working construction on the new Yankee Stadium buried a Red Sox [continue reading...]
Posted on April 15th, 2008
Construction workers find Schilling buried under new Yankee Stadium
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Having previously excavated a David Ortiz jersey from the bowels of the new Yankee stadium, construction workers on Sunday discovered another artifact placed there for [continue reading...]
Posted on April 14th, 2008
Yanks lied about Jeter’s injury to protect “sex icon” status
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After legging out an infield hit in the New York Yankees 6-1 victory over Tampa Bay earlier in the week, Derek Jeter was taken out [continue reading...]
Posted on April 11th, 2008
MLB now using SurveyMonkey to conduct major rule changes
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Serious Sports News Network received word late Thursday that Major League Baseball has adopted a new and controversial method of reviewing proposed rule changes. "We've basically [continue reading...]
Posted on April 10th, 2008
A-Rod teaching himself to switch hit with help of wife
NEW YORK, NY -- He's already considered the best player in the game by most baseball fans, but it seems that Alex Rodriguez has more tricks up his sleeve in [continue reading...]
Posted on April 8th, 2008
Mattingly tapped for lead role in Magnum P.I. movie
LOS ANGELES, CA -- Apparently being in Los Angeles has brought out the Hollywood in Dodgers bench coach Don Mattingly. The former Yankee great followed manager Joe Torre to L.A. [continue reading...]
Posted on April 8th, 2008
Riding high, Red Sox now refuse to travel to New York
TOKYO, JAPAN -- Fresh off Wednesday's successful boycott, which forced Major League Baseball to compensate Boston's coaches and staff for their trip to Japan, the Boston Red Sox are now [continue reading...]
Posted on March 22nd, 2008
Green encouraged by Crystal, plans to try out at fullback
MALIBU, CA -- Far be it from 60-year Billy Crystal to initiate any sort of passing Hollywood fad, but a shocking statement made by a fellow show-business employee indicates the [continue reading...]
Posted on March 21st, 2008
Pirates sign Crystal as everyday center fielder
PITTSBURGH, PA -- Mediocre but family-friendly entertainer Billy Crystal signed a three-year, league-minimum contract with the Pittsburgh Pirates, the Pirates front office announced Monday. The 61-year old rookie is expected [continue reading...]
Posted on March 18th, 2008
Ian Kennedy named Governor of New York to replace Spitzer
ALBANY, NY -- Leveraging a little-known clause called the "Best Kennedy available" clause, New York democrats have decided to install Ian Kennedy as their new governor, to replace the deposed [continue reading...]
Posted on March 14th, 2008
CIA offers Yanks announcer job
WASHINGTON, DC -- New York Yankees radio play-by-play announcer John Sterling will be splitting time this upcoming season between his booth in the Bronx, where he has broadcasted games since [continue reading...]
Posted on March 12th, 2008
Yankees announce plan to annex Quebec
TAMPA, FL -- "Sacre bleu!" was the cry of a jubilant Hank Steinbrenner at a morning press conference, when the New York Yankees Chairman announced the organization's plans to annex [continue reading...]
Posted on March 6th, 2008
A-Rod quits Yankees
NEW YORK, NY -- Alex Rodriguez quit the Yankees today after realizing that the stadium the team has designed for the 2009 season will not be a Frank Gehry-designed palace [continue reading...]
Posted on February 26th, 2008
Pettitte took HGH to strengthen relationship with God
TAMPA, FL -- An emotional Andy Pettite addressed reporters Tuesday at Yankees camp, telling them that he took human growth hormone only a couple of times, and that in all [continue reading...]
Posted on February 19th, 2008
Jeter annoying teammates with new joke
TAMPA, FL -- As spring training begins, Derek Jeter is on thin ice with a number of his teammates, who are already annoyed with his new "signature" joke. "I've got this [continue reading...]
Posted on February 14th, 2008
Yankees to hold spring training in Baghdad
NEW YORK, NY -- Citing a lack of conditioning and mental toughness as a root cause of their annual playoff failures, New York Yankees management has announced that this year, [continue reading...]
Posted on February 13th, 2008
FROM THE ARCHIVES: Even God sick of Clemens udpates
As Roger Clemens has become overexposed in the media yet again, SSNN revisits a classic from May 2007, when everyone was sick of the Rocket. HEAVEN -- Apparently humans are [continue reading...]
Posted on February 13th, 2008
Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building part of deal for Santana
NEW YORK, NY -- Controversy is whipping through the streets of New York City today, as previously undisclosed details from the Mets' trade for Johan Santana have come to light. Residents [continue reading...]
Posted on February 5th, 2008
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