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Piazza apparently retired some time ago

Piazza was last seen wearing a bad beard, A’s warm-ups and a frown.

NEW YORK, NY -- Much to our collective surprise, SSNN has learned that Mike Piazza, future Hall of Fame catcher for the Dodgers, Mets and most recently the Padres and [continue reading...]

Posted on August 25th, 2008

Minaya focusing on fantasy team more than Mets

Minaya has more important things to worry about than the Mets

NEW YORK, NY -- Whether the New York Mets are willing to admit it or not, Aaron Heilman is unavailable. That is the report that is circulating through the league as [continue reading...]

Posted on July 29th, 2008

80’s singer Corey Hart wins online All-Star vote

Corey Hart, wearing sunglasses, possibly at night.

NEW YORK, NY -- In a victory deemed by many baseball experts as a shocking upset, singer Corey Hart won an online fan vote for the final spot on the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 13th, 2008

Overly nice human being Chase Utley withdraws self from All-Star Game

PHILADELPHIA -- Chase Utley has withdrawn himself from the baseball All-Star Game on the grounds that he is getting too much positive attention, and that it would just be "so [continue reading...]

Posted on July 3rd, 2008

Randolph disappointed with Obama

ANSWER THE PHONE, BARACK!

NEW YORK, NY -- Struggling to stay in the limelight after his unfortunate firing last week, ex-Mets manager Willie Randolph called a press conference Monday to announce that he is [continue reading...]

Posted on June 23rd, 2008

Cubs accidentally fire Lou Piniella

Lou’s a little hurt, but might come back

CHICAGO, IL -- Chicagoland sports websites, talk radio shows and barbershops are buzzing today after it was announced that the Cubs, who have baseball's best record, inadvertently fired Lou Piniella. According [continue reading...]

Posted on June 20th, 2008

Randolph stunned to see that it becomes dark when the sun goes down

Willie’s world has been turned upside down

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- In an exclusive interview, recently-fired New York Mets' manager Willie Randolph told SSNN that he was absolutely stunned to see that when sun went down [continue reading...]

Posted on June 20th, 2008

Mets set booing records during Sunday doubleheader

Boooooooooo!

FLUSHING, NY -- In a season full of disappointment, the New York Mets can now at least say they've set a few records. The team set several booing records during [continue reading...]

Posted on June 16th, 2008

Wagner ironically unable to blow out candle in cupcake

Wagner can blow saves, but not candles

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Billy Wagner has struggled mightily in recent days, failing to secure three consecutive save chances, and now troubles on the home front have been added [continue reading...]

Posted on June 12th, 2008

Randolph gets vote of confidence from Mets brass

Willie Randolph has the confidence of management

NEW YORK, NY -- Embattled New York Mets manager Willie Randolph got a much-needed vote of confidence from the team's front office this week. "I took Willie aside, and I told [continue reading...]

Posted on May 27th, 2008

Pedro challenges Don Zimmer to UFC fight

Pedro is deadly serious…

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- With rumors circulating about a possible retirement following the 2008-2009 MLB season, New York Mets pitcher Pedro Martinez gave a possible hint as to his [continue reading...]

Posted on May 22nd, 2008

Martinez, Hampton to be euthanized after latest injuries

NEW YORK, NY and ATLANTA, GA -- It looks as if the Mets and Braves have had enough of their broken-down, old pitchers. Today both clubs announced their intention to [continue reading...]

Posted on April 8th, 2008

Naked Twins GM discusses Livan Hernandez, new clothes

FORT MYERS, FL -- A completely naked Minnesota Twins general manager Bill Smith addressed stunned reporters today at a press conference about Twins opening day starter Livan Hernandez. "I know everyone's [continue reading...]

Posted on March 24th, 2008

Mets sign Ashton Kutcher as punking coach

NEW YORK, NY -- After concern spread throughout the front office that their clubhouse atmosphere was fast falling behind that of division rival Philadelphia Phillies, the New York Mets have [continue reading...]

Posted on February 25th, 2008

Cubs to forfeit year after seeing Mets roster

CHICAGO, IL -- After steroid talk dominated the baseball headlines for weeks, the emphasis began to shift to the upcoming season when pitchers and catchers reported to spring training for [continue reading...]

Posted on February 14th, 2008

Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building part of deal for Santana

NEW YORK, NY -- Controversy is whipping through the streets of New York City today, as previously undisclosed details from the Mets' trade for Johan Santana have come to light. Residents [continue reading...]

Posted on February 5th, 2008

Mr. Met denies steroid allegations

FLUSHING, NY -- In the wake of his surprising mention in the Mitchell Report, New York Mets mascot Mr. Met categorically denied using performance-enhancing drugs in 2003 and claims never [continue reading...]

Posted on December 21st, 2007

Mets trade for Santana

NEW YORK, NY -- Who would have thought this morning that trading for Brian Schneider and Ryan Church would only be the second-worst trade that Omar Minaya would make this [continue reading...]

Posted on December 1st, 2007

Braves offseason goals: sign Glavine, discover Fountain of Youth

ATLANTA, GA -- Earlier this week, Atlanta resigned former Brave and likely future Hall-of-Famer Tom Glavine. Saturday morning, the Braves released a statement to the media, saying that the organization [continue reading...]

Posted on November 24th, 2007

Some Cubs jealous of Mets’ epic choke job

CHICAGO, IL -- A late report from Chicago Monday night indicated that the Chicago Cubs are extremely jealous of the New York Mets for the brilliant and history-making [continue reading...]

Posted on October 2nd, 2007

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