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NCAA football Archives

In preseason douche poll, Lane Kiffin wins biggest douche in the SEC award, stunning the field

KNOXVILLE, TN -- The Lane Kiffin era in Tennessee is off to a better start than ever hoped, with the results of the conference's annual Preseason Douchebag Coach Poll being [continue reading...]

Posted on February 9th, 2009

Carroll actually angry at Sanchez over QB’s intent to “stick it to my daughter”

Pete Carroll has no intention of seeing his daughter violated by Mark Sanchez.

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Football fans around the country were surprised earlier this month when normally ultra-supportive USC Trojans head coach Pete Carroll seemed to publicly disapprove of quarterback Mark [continue reading...]

Posted on January 26th, 2009

Conservatives concerned about unpopularity of proposed bowl games

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With Barack Obama poised to take office in a week, conservatives in congress are surprisingly wrapped up in another disaster for the Republican party as they work [continue reading...]

Posted on January 13th, 2009

Florida State Rhodes Scholar stymies local sports satire staff

THE SSNN NEWSROOM -- A late breaking report indicates that the staff of a sports satire website has been struggling with the same story for about four weeks, with no [continue reading...]

Posted on December 16th, 2008

Tebow wins Wilson award for third year in a row

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- While the Heisman winner won't be announced until Saturday, Tim Tebow added yet another prestigious piece of hardware to his mantle. Tebow was announced Friday as the winner [continue reading...]

Posted on December 12th, 2008

Colt McCoy worried Palin has “gone rogue” on Heisman campaign

AUSTIN, TX -- Texas Lonhorns quarterback Colt McCoy is expressing concern today that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin has become a hindrance to his Heisman Trophy campaign. "We think she's going rogue," [continue reading...]

Posted on December 10th, 2008

Kiffin “amazingly lame” for such a young coach

KNOXVILLE, TN -- Lane Kiffin has arrived in Rocky Top, and the first reports are coming in about the 33-year old coach. "I understand that Lane is only 33 years old," [continue reading...]

Posted on December 4th, 2008

BCS chief: We’ll try and have a national champ in place by April at the latest

NEW YORK, NY -- In a hastily-called press conference, BCS officials made clear today that the public should prepare to wait awhile to know who is the 2008 National Champion. "There [continue reading...]

Posted on December 4th, 2008

Entire Texas Tech football team kidnapped, being held for ransom

LUBBOCK, TX -- A hastily written ransom note received this morning by Texas Tech officials confirmed what had been suspected by many in this university community -- that the entire [continue reading...]

Posted on November 24th, 2008

Michigan’s Rodriguez: “You were serious about how much you want to beat Ohio State?”

COLUMBUS, OH -- Shortly following a 42-7 drubbing at the hands of the Ohio State University, University of Michigan Wolverines head coach Rich Rodriguez was stunned at the angry reaction [continue reading...]

Posted on November 22nd, 2008

Syracuse thinking about signing Matt Millen as football coach

SYRACUSE, NY -- Syracuse University is considering hiring former Detroit Lions GM Matt Millen as their head football coach, in an attempt to revitalize their sagging program. "We feel like Matt [continue reading...]

Posted on November 20th, 2008

Bowden puts out a hit on JoePa

TALLAHASSEE, FL -- It’s no surprise that in recent years, a rejuvenated Joe Paterno and his Penn State Nittany Lions have retaken the lead for the most wins by a [continue reading...]

Posted on November 1st, 2008

Rich Rodriguez thought he could bring his old team with him to Michigan, was wrong

ANN ARBOR, MI — New Michigan Wolverines coach Rich Rodriguez’s debut campaign has been anything but a fairy tale. After losing to rival Michigan State and two non-BCS teams [continue reading...]

Posted on October 31st, 2008

Pete Carroll: “Our players make way too much money to lose to a team like Oregon State”

WHEREVER THE HELL OREGON STATE IS LOCATED -- A despondent Pete Carroll gave a terse press conference Thursday evening after his number one ranked USC Trojans were upset surprisingly by [continue reading...]

Posted on September 26th, 2008

Miami Hurricanes sort of thinking about maybe talking about potentially changing their team name

MIAMI, FL -- Days after Hurricane Ike wrecked the Gulf Coast and with months still remaining in hurricane season, the University of Miami Hurricanes are thinking that now might be [continue reading...]

Posted on September 17th, 2008

Lee Corso puts on Nick Saban’s head when making prediction

SOMEWHERE IN THE SOUTHERN PART OF THE UNITED STATES--ESPN’s College Gameday analyst Lee Corso’s signature head gear promotion to end each College Gameday broadcast took a morbid turn Saturday, when [continue reading...]

Posted on September 4th, 2008

Sports reporter writes column blasting himself after referring to himself in third person

GAINESVILLE, FL -- Local sports reporter John Trevor wrote a lengthy column absolutely blasting himself for a recent series of comments that he made in which he referred to himself [continue reading...]

Posted on August 29th, 2008

Parcells swayed by 2010 sixth-rounder

Somehow Bill is scarier when he’s happy than when he’s throwing a temper tantrum.

MIAMI, FL -- "One man's throw-in is another man's treasure," said a visibly enthused Bill Parcells, reeling with excitement after obtaining a 2009 second round pick and a 2010 sixth [continue reading...]

Posted on July 21st, 2008

Jones upset that Texas ‘looks nothing’ like Hawaii

DALLAS, TX -- When June Jones agreed to a five-year, $10 million contract back in January to become the newest head football coach at Southern Methodist University, he knew he [continue reading...]

Posted on June 5th, 2008

Buckeyes eyeing another BCS Championship thrashing

COLUMBUS, OH -- As the spring football season winds down, many teams have dreams of conference championships and bowl victories. The Ohio State Buckeyes, however, have a different goal [continue reading...]

Posted on May 12th, 2008