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NCAA basketball Archives

1,000,000th American man masturbates while thinking about Erin Andrews

POUGHKEEPSIE, NY -- Though he had no idea of the importance of his actions at the time, Poughkeepsie resident Gene Wilkinson made history somewhere around 12:30 A.M. Eastern Time Wednesday [continue reading...]

Posted on January 14th, 2009

2008 Top 20, #5: Pearl to open jewelry store

KNOXVILLE, TN -- Looking to capitalize on his local stardom and already thinking about life after basketball, Tennessee Volunteer head basketball coach Bruce Pearl announced today he plans on opening [continue reading...]

Posted on December 31st, 2008

2008 Year in Review, #6: Woman misinterprets husband-to-be’s cries of “we’re going dancing!”

CHICAGO, IL -- A local woman was saddened Tuesday after a case of confusion led her to mistakenly believe that her fiancee was planning on surprising her with dancing lessons [continue reading...]

Posted on December 30th, 2008

2008 Top 20, #16: Entire KU team declares for NBA draft

LAWRENCE, KS -- The entire National Championship-winning Kansas Jayhawks basketball team has declared for the NBA draft as a collective unit, SSNN has learned. Cole Aldrich, Darrell Arthur, Brennan Bechard, Chase [continue reading...]

Posted on December 28th, 2008

Curmudgeons unite over Packer firing

Packer is every bit as unpleasant as he looks… which is saying something.

NEW YORK, NY -- In a rare show of solidarity today, leading curmudgeons around the world gathered to protest CBS Sports' decision to part ways with college basketball commentator Billy [continue reading...]

Posted on July 15th, 2008

Pearl to open jewelry store

Posted on June 19th, 2008

Noah too high to understand charges against son

Yannick Noah is almost certainly high in this picture

PARIS, FRANCE -- For all their strange behavior – and stranger hair – it seems that at least one age-old maxim applies to the Noah family: like father, like son. [continue reading...]

Posted on May 27th, 2008

Crean sees progress in player’s arrest

Tom Crean is pleased with Indiana’s legal troubles

BLOOMINGTON, IN -- Following forward Eli Holman's brief arrest by Indiana University campus police on Thursday, new Hoosiers head coach Tom Crean said the basketball program is making strides in [continue reading...]

Posted on May 5th, 2008

Entire KU team declares for NBA draft

Posted on April 24th, 2008

OSU denies interviewing Self impersonators for head coaching vacancy

Travis Ford could be a Bill Self lookalike

STILLWATER, OK -- In a hastily assembled press conference this morning, members of Oklahoma State University's athletic department denied rumors it had interviewed several Bill Self impersonators to replace fired [continue reading...]

Posted on April 18th, 2008

Calipari looking to practice free throws “at least once a week”

John Calipari - thinking about free throws

MEMPHIS, TN -- Now that the smoke has cleared and the dust has settled on the men's college basketball season, Memphis Tigers head coach John Calipari – he of a [continue reading...]

Posted on April 16th, 2008

MIT simulation finds Self, Jayhawks on short end of stick

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Kansas Jayhawks fans are presumably up-in-arms today, after published reports claim a group of researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have unanimously concluded that KU has [continue reading...]

Posted on April 5th, 2008

Confused Noah cuts down nets after Bulls win

CHICAGO, IL -- With his teammates and a few perplexed fans looking on, Chicago Bulls forward Joakim Noah proceeded to cut down the nets last night after the team's 101-98 [continue reading...]

Posted on April 4th, 2008

Elderly secretary’s confusion lands Lopez brothers at top of WNBA draft boards

PALO ALTO, CA -- An elderly secretary's confusion could cost Stanford's "Twin Towers" – Brook and Robin Lopez – millions of dollars. After declaring for the draft and signing with [continue reading...]

Posted on April 2nd, 2008

Isiah “in” for Indiana job; school officials not amused

INDIANAPOLIS, IN -- When Tony Bennett formally removed himself from the running to be the next head basketball coach at Indiana University over the weekend, the decision was met with [continue reading...]

Posted on April 1st, 2008

Longhorn fans confused by new game

HOUSTON, TX -- Going into Sunday's game against Memphis, many college basketball experts predicted the Texas Longhorns would enjoy a huge hometown advantage with the game played mere hours from [continue reading...]

Posted on March 31st, 2008

First grade class arrested for gambling on NCAA Tournament

WASHINGTON D.C. -- Numerous law enforcement agencies collaborated Friday to take down what they called a major gambling ring going on in the nation's capital. Agents from the FBI, ATF [continue reading...]

Posted on March 29th, 2008

CBS execs to begin giving Nantz testosterone injections

DETROIT, MI -- CBS announced Wednesday it will be taking unprecedented measures to further improve the already stellar television ratings generated by its coverage of the NCAA tournament. A source within [continue reading...]

Posted on March 27th, 2008

NASA funding threatened after computer picks Villanova to win championship

HOUSTON, TX -- Encouraged by Villanova's improbable advancement into the third round of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament, NASA announced yesterday that a specially designed supercomputer had predicted "all along" [continue reading...]

Posted on March 25th, 2008

NCAA to sanction multiple coaches for giving change to homeless

INDIANAPOLIS, IN -- Several years ago, the NCAA came down on then University of Utah men's head basketball coach Rick Majerus for buying one of his players, Keith Van Horn, [continue reading...]

Posted on March 24th, 2008