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NBA Draft Archives
ARCHIVES: Sports Guy’s wife hasn’t read his column in years
Enjoy this encore presentation of a classic SSNN piece. LOS ANGELES, CA -- Kari Simmons, wife of ESPN's Bill Simmons, reportedly hasn't read any of his columns in years. The [continue reading...]
Posted on November 22nd, 2008
Jay-Z knocks out Vitale
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Dick Vitale is recovering today after having his jaw wired shut overnight, a byproduct of being punched in the face by Jay-Z following the NBA [continue reading...]
Posted on June 27th, 2008
Reinsdorf on coach: “We’re still looking”
CHICAGO, IL -- At his weekly press conference on Wednesday, Bulls chairman Jerry Reinsdorf made some very interesting comments about the team's personnel on the eve of the NBA Draft. "Everything's [continue reading...]
Posted on June 25th, 2008
Bulls lobbying NBA for more time
CHICAGO, IL -- With a little more than a week left until the 2008 NBA Draft, indications are that the Chicago Bulls are in full-fledged panic mode. A source with [continue reading...]
Posted on June 18th, 2008
Stern to Spurs: no conspiracy, just evened numbered year
BOSTON, MA -- NBA Commissioner David Stern released a statement today in response to mounting criticism that the outcome of the NBA Western Conference Finals was fixed. In it he [continue reading...]
Posted on June 5th, 2008
Stern denies funny business in Draft Lottery
CHICAGO, IL -- After the Chicago Bulls' unlikely acquisition of the first overall pick in Tuesday night's NBA Draft Lottery, conspiracy theories have been shouted from the rooftops in Miami, [continue reading...]
Posted on May 21st, 2008
Entire KU team declares for NBA draft
LAWRENCE, KS -- The entire National Championship-winning Kansas Jayhawks basketball team has declared for the NBA draft as a collective unit, SSNN has learned. Cole Aldrich, Darrell Arthur, Brennan Bechard, Chase [continue reading...]
Posted on April 24th, 2008
Several Charlotte Bobcats considering turning pro
CHARLOTTE, NC -- SSNN has confirmed rumors that several members of the Charlotte Bobcats – including Sean May and Raymond Felton – are contemplating leaving the team early to turn [continue reading...]
Posted on April 15th, 2008
Elderly secretary’s confusion lands Lopez brothers at top of WNBA draft boards
PALO ALTO, CA -- An elderly secretary's confusion could cost Stanford's "Twin Towers" – Brook and Robin Lopez – millions of dollars. After declaring for the draft and signing with [continue reading...]
Posted on April 2nd, 2008
Concept of NBA Lottery patiently explained to Gilbert Arenas after attempted purchase of tickets
WASHINGTON, DC -- NBA star Gilbert Arenas was reportedly seen in a Washington, D.C. 7-11 insisting that he had a "really good feeling" about the upcoming NBA Lottery. Displaying crossed [continue reading...]
Posted on April 2nd, 2008
Heat mascot ending season early
MIAMI, FL -- In an unexpected move today, Miami Heat mascot Burnie announced he is shutting it down for the season. With the Heat out of playoff contention, and with [continue reading...]
Posted on March 14th, 2008
Sports Guy’s wife hasn’t read his column in years
LOS ANGELES, CA -- Kari Simmons, wife of ESPN's Bill Simmons, reportedly hasn't read any of his columns in years. The revelation came about at a Tuesday night dinner [continue reading...]
Posted on August 19th, 2007
Oden to miss season with ED
PORTLAND, OR -- Mere days after the announcement that number one overall NBA draft pick Greg Oden will miss the rest of summer league play in order to get his [continue reading...]
Posted on July 13th, 2007
Celtics explore trade possibilities
BOSTON, MA -- Boston Celtics General Manager Danny Ainge is getting a bit squirrelly. Ever since the Celtics' worst-case scenario played itself out before his beady, vacant eyes at the [continue reading...]
Posted on July 2nd, 2007
Sports Guy gives self “A/A-”
LOS ANGELES, CA -- Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons announced today to his friends House and Bish that he is giving himself an "A/A-minus" on his annual NBA Draft recap [continue reading...]
Posted on June 29th, 2007
Blazers trade top pick, avoid responsibility
PORTLAND, OR -- The Portland Trailblazers announced late Tuesday that they plan to trade the number one overall draft pick to the New York. It has been a forgone conclusion [continue reading...]
Posted on June 27th, 2007
Oden cures cancer
INDIANAPOLIS, IN -- Future NBA superstar Greg Oden has been busy preparing for the NBA Draft, but still found time to do something that will change the world. In the [continue reading...]
Posted on May 23rd, 2007
NBA Draft Lottery cancelled
SECAUCUS, NJ -- Ending year after year of an empty charade, NBA Commissioner David Stern announced late Monday that the league will cancel it's annual Draft Lottery. "It gets to [continue reading...]
Posted on May 21st, 2007
Chandler to enter draft
CHICAGO, IL -- DePaul sophomore Wilson Chandler announced last week that he will declare himself eligible for the 2007 NBA Draft. The 6-8 forward led the Blue Demons in points, rebounds [continue reading...]
Posted on April 15th, 2007
No word on Durant draft status
AUSTIN, TX -- Since his University of Texas basketball team was eliminated from the NCAA Tournament several weeks ago, Kevin Durant has been asked the same question repeatedly: is he [continue reading...]
Posted on April 8th, 2007
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