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Monday Night Football Archives

Reports from the Kornheiser family indicate that watching a game with Tony Kornheiser on the couch is as or more annoying than watching it with him commentating on TV

WASHINGTON, DC -- Reports from the nation's capital this holiday season indicate that although Monday Night Football is over for the year, commentator Tony Kornheiser is just as annouing as [continue reading...]

Posted on January 12th, 2009

Korhnheiser makes MNF execs wistful for halcyon days of Dennis Miller

CHICAGO, IL -- As yet another season's worth of Monday Night Football featuring Tony Kornheiser draws to a close, the higher-ups who handle the ESPN's sole pro football property are [continue reading...]

Posted on December 23rd, 2008

Man spends entire afternoon figuring out how Andre Johnson can score 37.4 points in fantasy

LITTLETON, CO -- Frank Spaggs had a lot of stuff to do this afternoon, but it's all going to have to wait for tomorrow. That is because Spaggs spent his [continue reading...]

Posted on December 1st, 2008

Kornheiser spends most Sunday nights sleeping in a Dumpster

HOUSTON, TX -- A Burger King employee was startled this morning to find ESPN Monday Night Football announcer Tony Kornheiser fastasleep in the bottom of the trash receptacle. "I'm a big [continue reading...]

Posted on December 1st, 2008

Jaws totally drank from Kornheiser’s soda last night; “Act of War,” says Kornheiser

PHOENIX, AZ -- In what was either a complete accident or an overt act of war, Ron Jaworski reached down and took a sip of soda last night, setting off [continue reading...]

Posted on November 11th, 2008

God actually went to bed before Kurt Warner thanked him in post-game interview

PHOENIX, AZ, and HEAVEN -- A red-faced God apologized to Kurt Warner today after revealing that indeed he had already shut off his television set and gone to bed before [continue reading...]

Posted on November 11th, 2008

Favres forgot to cancel Monday Night Football party

KILN, MS -- Dozens of friends of Brett and Deanna Favre were puzzled Monday when they arrived at the Favre residence for a Monday Night Football viewing party, only to [continue reading...]

Posted on September 22nd, 2008

TO declares Monday night performance “best three-catch game ever in NFL history”

IRVING, TX -- Terrell Owens brashly declared that his three-catch, 79-yard, two touchdown performance was the "best three catch performance ever in the history of the NFL." Owens caught [continue reading...]

Posted on September 17th, 2008

Owens doesn’t want to talk about McNabb all the time; only 95 percent

IRVING, TX -- Terrell Owens informed local media today that he doesn't want to talk about Donovan McNabb and the Philadelphia Eagles all of the time leading up to the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 14th, 2008

Devin Hester sets another record on MNF

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Devin Hester's amazing career continued Monday night, as he destroyed another record. Hester is now the all-time NFL record holder for "most graphics devoted to a return [continue reading...]

Posted on December 18th, 2007

NBC to unveil new Sunday Night Football music

NEW YORK, NY -- Sunday Night Football on NBC was a huge success in 2006, due in large part to the way the network presented the games with cutting edge [continue reading...]

Posted on March 18th, 2007

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