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MLB Playoffs Archives
Paris Hilton keeps asking boyfriend Benji Madden for tickets to World Series
HOLLYWOOD, CA -- Blonde bombshell Paris Hilton has her boyfriend quite confused. Benji Madden, who is the guitarist for Good Charlotte, has been dating Hilton for months, and has been asked [continue reading...]
Posted on October 22nd, 2008
Rays forfeit first game of World Series
TAMPA BAY, FL -- In an unusual move, the Tampa Bay Rays have officially forfeited the first game of the 2008 World Series, under the provision that Phillies pitcher Cole [continue reading...]
Posted on October 20th, 2008
Red Sox “exhaustion plan” working to perfection
BOSTON, MA -- The Boston Red Sox have the Tampa Bay Rays exactly where they want them. "Yeah, our plan is working perfectly," said manager Terry Francona. "We came into this [continue reading...]
Posted on October 14th, 2008
Joe Buck walking around telling people about the significance of mundane events
LOS ANGELES and PHILADELPHIA -- Fox baseball announcer Joe Buck, overtaken with excitement about the National League Championship Series, has taken to describing the immense importance of ordinary events to [continue reading...]
Posted on October 14th, 2008
Mayor of Poughkeepsie invites Cole Hamels to son’s wedding
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y.—Stuart Weinstein, the mayor of Poughkeepsie, has reportedly invited Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels to attend his son’s wedding, in spite of the fact that Hamels has never met [continue reading...]
Posted on October 10th, 2008
Zambrano to take statistics at Northwestern
CHICAGO -- The Chicago Cubs' early exit from the playoffs this year has brought with it a silver lining for at least one player. Carlos Zambrano has announced that he will [continue reading...]
Posted on October 10th, 2008
God apologizes to Jews for scheduling Yom Kippur during Hamels start
PHILADELPHIA and HEAVEN -- A remorseful God, already reeling from a very taxing Day of Atonement, issued a tearful apology to the world's Jews for a scheduling snafu which saw [continue reading...]
Posted on October 9th, 2008
B.J. Upton benched for remainder of playoffs for lack of hustle during post-game celebration
TAMPA BAY, FL -- A distraught Joe Maddon told reporters that B.J. Upton had left him "no choice," and that the Rays star centerfielder would be benched for the remainder [continue reading...]
Posted on October 8th, 2008
Harold Reynolds eliminated from playoffs
CHICAGO, IL -- After a hard fought American League Divisoin series, Harold Reynolds has reluctantly accepted the reality that's he's out of the playoffs. As the visiting Tampa Bay [continue reading...]
Posted on October 8th, 2008
Cubs infielders mad at Zambrano for inducing so many groundballs
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN CHICAGO AND LOS ANGELES -- As the Chicago Cubs traveled toward Los Angeles down two games to none against the Los Angeles Dodgers, several of the Cubs' infielders [continue reading...]
Posted on October 3rd, 2008
Philadelphia fan commits ritual suicide after dominant start by Cole Hamels
PHILADELPHIA, PA -- Cole Hamels dominated the Brewers for eight innings yesterday, propelling the Phillies to a 1-0 lead in their best-of-five playoff series, and tragically ending the life of [continue reading...]
Posted on October 2nd, 2008
Jeter preparing for October by buying tickets online
NEW YORK -- Derek Jeter is ready for October, the month that he normally spends very much involved with the MLB Playoffs. "This year, October is a little different for me," [continue reading...]
Posted on October 1st, 2008
Bush leaving work early to watch MLB playoffs
WASHINGTON, DC -- U.S. President George W. Bush announced that he's finishing work at 3:00 pm eastern time today, in plenty of time to get over to the residence and [continue reading...]
Posted on October 1st, 2008
Carlos Zambrano tells teammates he would’ve voted against bailout plan
CHICAGO - Cubs pitcher Carlos Zambrano informed teammates Tuesday at practice that he "totally would've voted against the bailout" that failed to pass the House of Representatives on Monday. "Carlos came [continue reading...]
Posted on October 1st, 2008
Delmon Young apparently thinks today’s game decides the World Series championship
CHICAGO -- An apparently confused Delmon Young arrived at U.S. Cellular Field convinced that today's one-game playoff between the White Sox and the Twins will decide the 2008 Major League [continue reading...]
Posted on September 30th, 2008
White Sox’ Ozzie Guillen proposes to “swap teams” with Twins’ Ron Gardenhire
MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- Following a crushing defeat in the third game of a three-game sweep that vaulted the Minnesota Twins into first place in the AL central, Ozzie Guillen made [continue reading...]
Posted on September 26th, 2008
Selig proposes plan to make things right with Astros
HOUSTON, MILWAUKEE, NEW YORK, and PHILADELPHIA -- Bud Selig, apparently feeling "really bad" after ruining the Astros season last week and then demonstrating a total and complete double standard this [continue reading...]
Posted on September 25th, 2008
Evangelicals take credit for Tampa Bay playoff berth
TAMPA BAY, FL -- Christian evangelicals across the country are rejoicing today as the Tampa Bay Rays have made the playoffs, an event for which evangelicals are taking complete credit. "See [continue reading...]
Posted on September 24th, 2008
Selig to Astros: “Stop complaining, or I’ll make you play the entire 2009 season in Montreal.”
HOUSTON, TX -- As many Houston Astros players and fans express their outrage at Bud Selig's decision to force the Astros to play two makeup "home games" in Milwaukee, Selig [continue reading...]
Posted on September 22nd, 2008
Steroid prices to reach all-time high as demand increases
NEW YORK, NY -- Wall Street analysts are predicting a steep increase in the price of anabolic steroids worldwide due to increased demand this summer, with some market watchers are [continue reading...]
Posted on July 11th, 2008
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