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Pennsylvania small-business owner furious with National League

Local employer holds Uggla responsible for unproductive workday.

READING, PA -- Dan Kostansky, 41, is absolutely furious today with the National League All-Star team for robbing him of potentially the most productive workday of the year. "We've got eight [continue reading...]

Posted on July 16th, 2008

PETA protests Favre’s return

Favre loves animals, but PETA still hates him…

GREEN BAY, WI -- A protest by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals went horribly awry on Monday, leaving many longtime supporters confused and thousands of Brett Favre fans [continue reading...]

Posted on July 14th, 2008

Jones left behind after team picnic

If you see this man walking on the side of the highway, the Dodgers would like you to shoot him…

LOS ANGELES, CA -- The Los Angeles Dodgers announced today that they accidentally left Andruw Jones behind after last night's team picnic, and that while the search for the center [continue reading...]

Posted on July 14th, 2008

Eva Longoria thrilled to be voted in to the All-Star Game

eva-longoria

NEW YORK, NY -- Actress Eva Longoria told SSNN that she is "excited and thrilled" to have been selected by the fans as the final member of the American League [continue reading...]

Posted on July 13th, 2008

80’s singer Corey Hart wins online All-Star vote

Corey Hart, wearing sunglasses, possibly at night.

NEW YORK, NY -- In a victory deemed by many baseball experts as a shocking upset, singer Corey Hart won an online fan vote for the final spot on the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 13th, 2008

Bob Gibson to stage Cardinals comeback

The frighteningly old Gibson is expected to slide into the #1 starter spot

ST LOUIS, MO -- In a move designed to keep up with their National League Central rivals, the St. Louis Cardinals announced today that Hall of Fame pitcher Bob Gibson [continue reading...]

Posted on July 12th, 2008

Steroid prices to reach all-time high as demand increases

Here – inject steroids with this…

NEW YORK, NY -- Wall Street analysts are predicting a steep increase in the price of anabolic steroids worldwide due to increased demand this summer, with some market watchers are [continue reading...]

Posted on July 11th, 2008

Chipper Jones softball team wins first game of season

2004-10-04-chipper-jones

ATLANTA, GA -- Chipper Jones tasted victory for the first time this year Thursday, when the co-ed softball team on which he plays won a 21-18 thriller over their bitter [continue reading...]

Posted on July 11th, 2008

Marlins launch eco-friendly team shuttle

Hanley Ramirez likes to ride the shuttle for story time with Josh Willingham

MIAMI, FL -- In an effort to at once save the environment and reduce the amount that they have to pay in mileage expenses, the Florida Marlins have announced a [continue reading...]

Posted on July 10th, 2008

Scratched DVD added to AL All-Stars

Selig doesn’t want to hear your whining - HE is the decider!

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- In a surprising turn of events, MLB has decided to add another roster player to the 2008 American League All-Star team. While most thought the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 10th, 2008

Rays’ Maddon hailed as Second Coming

This is what Jesus looks like with thick-frame glasses and a crew cut.

TAMPA, FL -- Tampa Bay Rays manager Joe Maddon has, by the standards of many baseball experts, performed a miracle in leading his previously hapless squad to first place in [continue reading...]

Posted on July 10th, 2008

CC Sabathia confused by new nickname

CC doesn’t want you to call him mL.

MILWAUKEE -- CC Sabathia had an unusual request of reporters in Milwaukee upon arriving with the team Tuesday – no more periods. "I've just decided to go with CC, without periods," [continue reading...]

Posted on July 8th, 2008

Sabathia settles Brewers rotation debate by eating Sheets

CC’s paunch is even larger after he added Ben Sheets to it…

MILWAUKEE, WI -- When the Brewers traded for C.C. Sabathia yesterday, there was a lot of debate as to whether the incoming "ace" would replace the current "ace" of the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 8th, 2008

SSNN forced to pull A-Rod story when it actually becomes true

A-Rod’s Kabbalah study caused near disaster at SSNN.

CHICAGO, IL -- The Serious Sports News Network is reeling today after an ironic twist of events which resulted in a scheduled story for the satire site being pulled from [continue reading...]

Posted on July 8th, 2008

Cynthia Rodriguez seeking half in divorce filing

C-Rod hopes to be the next great power/speed prospect in MLB…

MIAMI, FL -- Citing irreconcilable differences, Cynthia Rodriguez has filed for divorce from New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez, seeking half of her husband's money and assets, including at least half [continue reading...]

Posted on July 7th, 2008

Source: Sabathia demanded trade to Milwaukee

Sabathia’s neck is well on its way to disappearing.

CLEVELAND, OH – Mere hours after the trade of C.C. Sabathia to the Milwaukee Brewers was reported by ESPN's Buster Olney, sources within the Cleveland Indians organization say the team [continue reading...]

Posted on July 7th, 2008

Changes in store for All-Star Game

Bud Selig’s face is stuck like this…

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- After a wildly popular voting session that boasted an all-time high 20 million votes, MLB commissioner Bud Selig announced today that there will be a [continue reading...]

Posted on July 7th, 2008

Manny looking to alleviate summer boredom

Manny’s trying to alleviate boredom with Etch-a-Sketch activities…

BOSTON, MA -- As June comes to a close and baseball reaches the heart of its season, the wear of eighty-plus games is starting to take its toll on the [continue reading...]

Posted on June 30th, 2008

Rangers to sponsor “Josh Hamilton Night” in Arlington

Hamilton once loved cocaine, but now sticks to nasty chewing tobacco…

ARLINGTON, TX -- The Texas Rangers sent out a press release early Monday announcing that the Friday, July 11 home game against the Chicago White Sox has officially been designated [continue reading...]

Posted on June 30th, 2008

A-Rod’s heart touched by Katy Perry single

A-Rod is presumably preparing to kiss someone, possibly with cherry chapstick

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- With the New York Yankees hovering in third place in the AL East, 5.5 games behind the surging Tampa Bay Rays, Alex Rodriguez has been [continue reading...]

Posted on June 30th, 2008

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