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Michael Phelps Archives

Ann Curry annoying friends, family, country by referring to Olympics as “Games of the 29th Olympiad”

Ann Curry looks hot in a suit, but is incredibly annoying.

BEIJING, CHINA -- Ann Curry's friends and family report that they've been "really annoyed" for over two weeks, Ms. Curry refuses to refer to the Olympics by any name other [continue reading...]

Posted on August 26th, 2008

Women’s gymnastics top-rated program among men 34-55 fitting FBI pedophile profile

This Johnson-Liukin hug was a hot moment for pedophiles.

NEW YORK, NY -- The Nielsen Media Research Corporation has announced the ratings results of last week's Olympic games. The top-rated sport this time around was swimming – this came as [continue reading...]

Posted on August 26th, 2008

Olympic swimmer Phelps has water in ear, ends quest for history

Michael Phelps can’t hear you, he has water in his ear.

BEIJING, CHINA -- Michael Phelps, the celebrated American swimmer expected to shatter the Olympic record for most gold medals in a single Olympics, will not have the opportunity after getting [continue reading...]

Posted on August 14th, 2008

Lezak outduels Bernard in Beijing lunchroom

Michael Phelps cheers as Jason Lezak snags final banana in Beijing lunchroom.

BEIJING, CHINA -- Although from 30 yards away it appeared a near impossibility, somehow American swimmer Jason Lezak managed to outreach French swimmer Alain Bernard for the final banana in [continue reading...]

Posted on August 11th, 2008

Phelps fails to qualify for NASCAR race

Phelps doesn’t understand how he failed to qualify at Watkins Glen

WATKINS GLEN, NY -- Bored of just kicking the shit out of random Europeans and Asians in swimming pools, and inspired by Michelle Wie, Michael Phelps decided it was time [continue reading...]

Posted on August 9th, 2008

Michael Phelps ecstatic to be relevant again

Michael Phelps is just happy to see his name back in print.

SOMEWHERE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA OR POSSIBLY EUROPE -- Michael Phelps was just having a normal Tuesday last week, when something amazing happened. Phelps, who had started his [continue reading...]

Posted on June 9th, 2008

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