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Brett Favre |New Curse


In preseason douche poll, Lane Kiffin wins biggest douche in the SEC award, stunning the field

kiffin

KNOXVILLE, TN -- The Lane Kiffin era in Tennessee is off to a better start than ever hoped, with the results of the conference's annual Preseason Douchebag Coach Poll being [continue reading...]

Posted on February 9th, 2009

Cardinals move up to seventh in ESPN’s latest power rankings

The Cardinals are now seventh in ESPN’s power rankings.

BRISTOL, CT -- Sunday's release of the ESPN.com's latest NFL power rankings saw the Arizona Cardinals make a big jump to seventh, while the Miami Dolphins and Minnesota Vikings took [continue reading...]

Posted on January 25th, 2009

Pennington to be benched for 2009 season, hopes to be first three-time Comeback Player

Pennington is excited to take next year off and compete for the 2010 Comeback Player of the Year.

MIAMI, FL -- On the heels of their playoff disappointment, the Miami Dolphins have reached an agreement with quarterback Chad Pennington, the 2008 Comeback Player of the Year, to bench [continue reading...]

Posted on January 7th, 2009

Pennington to Reed “the new Marino to Clayton”

MIAMI, FL—In the wake of their disappointing 27-9 loss to the Ravens on Sunday, Dolphin fans were left with the consolation of having the biggest turnaround season in NFL history, [continue reading...]

Posted on January 5th, 2009

Newly carbon-neutral Dolphins to use Joey Porter’s hot air to power stadium

MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Dolphins became the first NFL team in history to be completely carbon neutral when they realized that by capturing the unnecessary hot air that spews [continue reading...]

Posted on November 26th, 2008

Dolphins petition Supreme Court to end NFL season early so they finish with a winning record

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Unsatisfied with Roger Goodell’s latest decision concerning their future, the Miami Dolphins have filed an emergency petition with the United States Supreme Court, demanding that the current NFL season [continue reading...]

Posted on November 13th, 2008

Bowden puts out a hit on JoePa

TALLAHASSEE, FL -- It’s no surprise that in recent years, a rejuvenated Joe Paterno and his Penn State Nittany Lions have retaken the lead for the most wins by a [continue reading...]

Posted on November 1st, 2008

Confused Shockey thinks he was traded to the Dolphins

Shockey’s confusion may stem from the fact that he’s been wasted drunk since the Super Bowl.

MIAMI, FL -- A giddy Jeremy Shockey arrived in Florida hours ago, his head spinning with excitement at the prospect of joining the Miami Dolphins and performing again in the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 22nd, 2008

Parcells swayed by 2010 sixth-rounder

Somehow Bill is scarier when he’s happy than when he’s throwing a temper tantrum.

MIAMI, FL -- "One man's throw-in is another man's treasure," said a visibly enthused Bill Parcells, reeling with excitement after obtaining a 2009 second round pick and a 2010 sixth [continue reading...]

Posted on July 21st, 2008

Taylor offers to teach Parcells to dance

Imagine if that hottie was Bill Parcells… mmmm…

MIAMI, FL -- Miami Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor has made the first move in trying to repair his relationship with Bill Parcells, Miami's new Executive Vice President of Football [continue reading...]

Posted on May 29th, 2008

Dolphins may hold dance contest to lure Taylor back

Dancing looks pretty good from here…

MIAMI, FL -- Contrary to public reports stating otherwise, SSNN has learned that the Miami Dolphins are desperate to bring back Pro Bowl defensive end Jason Taylor. In recent months, [continue reading...]

Posted on May 22nd, 2008

Chiefs’ GM arrested for drafting while intoxicated

Peterson was regretful after drafting drunk

KANSAS CITY, MO -- NFL fans around the league knew something had gone horribly awry when it was announced that the Kansas City Chiefs had selected punter Brian Ross from [continue reading...]

Posted on April 28th, 2008

Chris Long, Jake Long plan identity switcheroo at draft

These Longs don’t look alike. At all.

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- OT Jake Long of Michigan and DE Chris Long of Virginia, rumored to be the first two picks of this year's NFL Draft, are planning [continue reading...]

Posted on April 25th, 2008

Raiders have special plans for McFadden

Darren McFadden is not thrilled with the Raiders’ plans

OAKLAND, CA -- The Miami Dolphins surprised everyone Wednesday when they announced that the organization had come to terms with Michigan offensive tackle Jake Long, preemptively making the All-American the [continue reading...]

Posted on April 24th, 2008

Jake Long demands trade from Dolphins

Jake Long is none too pleased with being a Dolphin

MIAMI, FL -- Miami Dolphins tackle Jake Long is not happy, and wants out. According to reports received by SSNN, the Michigan product – expected to be the first pick [continue reading...]

Posted on April 23rd, 2008

Favre accidentaly signs with Dolphins while completing routine paperwork

GREEN BAY, WI -- While filling out paperwork that should have officially concluded his career with the Green Bay Packers, Brett Favre inadvertently signed his name in the wrong place [continue reading...]

Posted on March 27th, 2008

Dolphins DVD features non-fumbled handoffs, occasional yardage gain

MIAMI, FL -- Dolphins '07!, the highlight DVD for the 2007 Miami Dolphins, hits video stores Monday and features a scintillating array of moments from the 2007 season that do [continue reading...]

Posted on March 24th, 2008

Steelers linebacker James Harrison sentenced to 5-10 years with Cincinnati Bengals pending parole

CINCINNATI, OH -- Despite emotional pleas for leniency from his family, Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison was sentenced to 5-10 years of hard labor with the Cincinnati Bengals after pleading [continue reading...]

Posted on March 23rd, 2008

Saban compares signing day to September 11

TUSCALOOSA, AL -- Alabama Crimson Tide head football coach Nick Saban was visibly excited about his inaugural recruiting class at a press conference following national signing day. So excited, in [continue reading...]

Posted on February 12th, 2008

Miami parade to honor Giants, ‘72 Dolphins

MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Department of City Planning has announced that on Friday, February 8 at noon there will be a parade – formally the "Reebok Still Perfect Parade" [continue reading...]

Posted on February 6th, 2008

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