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Miami Dolphins Archives
In preseason douche poll, Lane Kiffin wins biggest douche in the SEC award, stunning the field
KNOXVILLE, TN -- The Lane Kiffin era in Tennessee is off to a better start than ever hoped, with the results of the conference's annual Preseason Douchebag Coach Poll being [continue reading...]
Posted on February 9th, 2009
Cardinals move up to seventh in ESPN’s latest power rankings
BRISTOL, CT -- Sunday's release of the ESPN.com's latest NFL power rankings saw the Arizona Cardinals make a big jump to seventh, while the Miami Dolphins and Minnesota Vikings took [continue reading...]
Posted on January 25th, 2009
Pennington to be benched for 2009 season, hopes to be first three-time Comeback Player
MIAMI, FL -- On the heels of their playoff disappointment, the Miami Dolphins have reached an agreement with quarterback Chad Pennington, the 2008 Comeback Player of the Year, to bench [continue reading...]
Posted on January 7th, 2009
Pennington to Reed “the new Marino to Clayton”
MIAMI, FL—In the wake of their disappointing 27-9 loss to the Ravens on Sunday, Dolphin fans were left with the consolation of having the biggest turnaround season in NFL history, [continue reading...]
Posted on January 5th, 2009
Newly carbon-neutral Dolphins to use Joey Porter’s hot air to power stadium
MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Dolphins became the first NFL team in history to be completely carbon neutral when they realized that by capturing the unnecessary hot air that spews [continue reading...]
Posted on November 26th, 2008
Dolphins petition Supreme Court to end NFL season early so they finish with a winning record
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Unsatisfied with Roger Goodell’s latest decision concerning their future, the Miami Dolphins have filed an emergency petition with the United States Supreme Court, demanding that the current NFL season [continue reading...]
Posted on November 13th, 2008
Bowden puts out a hit on JoePa
TALLAHASSEE, FL -- It’s no surprise that in recent years, a rejuvenated Joe Paterno and his Penn State Nittany Lions have retaken the lead for the most wins by a [continue reading...]
Posted on November 1st, 2008
Confused Shockey thinks he was traded to the Dolphins
MIAMI, FL -- A giddy Jeremy Shockey arrived in Florida hours ago, his head spinning with excitement at the prospect of joining the Miami Dolphins and performing again in the [continue reading...]
Posted on July 22nd, 2008
Parcells swayed by 2010 sixth-rounder
MIAMI, FL -- "One man's throw-in is another man's treasure," said a visibly enthused Bill Parcells, reeling with excitement after obtaining a 2009 second round pick and a 2010 sixth [continue reading...]
Posted on July 21st, 2008
Taylor offers to teach Parcells to dance
MIAMI, FL -- Miami Dolphins defensive end Jason Taylor has made the first move in trying to repair his relationship with Bill Parcells, Miami's new Executive Vice President of Football [continue reading...]
Posted on May 29th, 2008
Dolphins may hold dance contest to lure Taylor back
MIAMI, FL -- Contrary to public reports stating otherwise, SSNN has learned that the Miami Dolphins are desperate to bring back Pro Bowl defensive end Jason Taylor. In recent months, [continue reading...]
Posted on May 22nd, 2008
Chiefs’ GM arrested for drafting while intoxicated
KANSAS CITY, MO -- NFL fans around the league knew something had gone horribly awry when it was announced that the Kansas City Chiefs had selected punter Brian Ross from [continue reading...]
Posted on April 28th, 2008
Chris Long, Jake Long plan identity switcheroo at draft
NEW YORK CITY, NY -- OT Jake Long of Michigan and DE Chris Long of Virginia, rumored to be the first two picks of this year's NFL Draft, are planning [continue reading...]
Posted on April 25th, 2008
Raiders have special plans for McFadden
OAKLAND, CA -- The Miami Dolphins surprised everyone Wednesday when they announced that the organization had come to terms with Michigan offensive tackle Jake Long, preemptively making the All-American the [continue reading...]
Posted on April 24th, 2008
Jake Long demands trade from Dolphins
MIAMI, FL -- Miami Dolphins tackle Jake Long is not happy, and wants out. According to reports received by SSNN, the Michigan product – expected to be the first pick [continue reading...]
Posted on April 23rd, 2008
Favre accidentaly signs with Dolphins while completing routine paperwork
GREEN BAY, WI -- While filling out paperwork that should have officially concluded his career with the Green Bay Packers, Brett Favre inadvertently signed his name in the wrong place [continue reading...]
Posted on March 27th, 2008
Dolphins DVD features non-fumbled handoffs, occasional yardage gain
MIAMI, FL -- Dolphins '07!, the highlight DVD for the 2007 Miami Dolphins, hits video stores Monday and features a scintillating array of moments from the 2007 season that do [continue reading...]
Posted on March 24th, 2008
Steelers linebacker James Harrison sentenced to 5-10 years with Cincinnati Bengals pending parole
CINCINNATI, OH -- Despite emotional pleas for leniency from his family, Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison was sentenced to 5-10 years of hard labor with the Cincinnati Bengals after pleading [continue reading...]
Posted on March 23rd, 2008
Saban compares signing day to September 11
TUSCALOOSA, AL -- Alabama Crimson Tide head football coach Nick Saban was visibly excited about his inaugural recruiting class at a press conference following national signing day. So excited, in [continue reading...]
Posted on February 12th, 2008
Miami parade to honor Giants, ‘72 Dolphins
MIAMI, FL -- The Miami Department of City Planning has announced that on Friday, February 8 at noon there will be a parade – formally the "Reebok Still Perfect Parade" [continue reading...]
Posted on February 6th, 2008
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