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Matt Millen Archives

Michael Crabtree looking forward to being selected by Lions

LUBBOCK, TX—NFL prospect Michael Crabtree is 100 percent certain that with the Detroit Lions holding the number one pick in the 2009 NFL draft, he, as the number one receiver [continue reading...]

Posted on February 7th, 2009

Obama signs executive order shutting down Detroit Lions

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Calling its existence “an affront to everything our nation stands for” and declaring its legacy “a stain upon our history that we will never be able to fully erase," [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2009

Schwartz hoping NFL adds regular season games for shot at loss record

DETROIT, MI -- Now that he has been formally introduced as the head coach of the 0-16 Detroit Lions, former Tennessee Titans defensive coordinator Jim Schwartz has begun the process [continue reading...]

Posted on January 17th, 2009

France declares war on Detroit Lions, ends 120-year losing streak

DETROIT, MI—Lions officials are reeling today after a surprise attack by France, in which French forces besieged and captured all Lions property within the city of Detroit. French paratroopers landed [continue reading...]

Posted on January 7th, 2009

Millen Claims 0-16 Lions Season will be his Magnum Opus

DETROIT, MI—The Detroit Lions made history on Sunday, becoming the first 0-15 team in the history of the NFL, and look poised to become the first team to finish a [continue reading...]

Posted on December 22nd, 2008

Lions thinking about drafting a receiver with the first pick in the draft

DETROIT, MI -- The Detroit Lions have announced that they are seriously considering taking Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree with the first pick in the NFL draft, said General Manager [continue reading...]

Posted on November 26th, 2008

Syracuse thinking about signing Matt Millen as football coach

SYRACUSE, NY -- Syracuse University is considering hiring former Detroit Lions GM Matt Millen as their head football coach, in an attempt to revitalize their sagging program. "We feel like Matt [continue reading...]

Posted on November 20th, 2008

Favre calls McCain, tells him how to beat Obama

PHOENIX, AZ -- John McCain received an unexpected call of support tonight, as Brett Favre announced that he'd phoned the Presidential candidate with some secret information about how to go [continue reading...]

Posted on November 4th, 2008

GroupWrite: Favre calls McCain, tells him how to beat Obama

SSNN is introducing a new feature in which we'll announce a headline and solicit input from our readers, that we'll put together into a story written by the readership. If [continue reading...]

Posted on November 2nd, 2008

Millen joins McCain campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Recently dismissed from his controversial tenure as President and CEO of the Detroit Lions, NFL pariah Matt Millen has announced he will be temporarily putting his football career on [continue reading...]

Posted on September 25th, 2008

Millen reveals Lions’ draft plans

DETROIT, MI -- After a somewhat disappointing 7-9 season, many Detroit Lions' fans are worried about the team's future. But team president Matt Millen addressed those concerns today in a [continue reading...]

Posted on March 11th, 2008

Millen admits knowledge of affair has saved his job

DETROIT, MI -- With their pre-season debut approaching and a positive new outlook around Lions' training camp, President and CEO Matt Millen chose a strange time to expose himself as [continue reading...]

Posted on August 9th, 2007

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