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Matt Cassel Archives

Belichick trades heart-less Cassel for almost nothing

KANSAS CITY, MO -- The football world is abuzz today following reports that Bil Belichick, the devil incarnate, may have traded quarterback Matt Cassel to the Kansas City Chiefs at [continue reading...]

Posted on March 3rd, 2009

Matt Cassel not making any friends with “updog” jokes in locker room

FOXBORO, MA -- After leading his team in a pasting of the Arizona Cardinals with another huge passing day, New England Patriots QB Matt Cassel should be the toast of [continue reading...]

Posted on December 25th, 2008

Tom Brady retired to stud

FOXBORO, MA—Citing his season-ending injury and diminishing enthusiasm for the game, Patriots quarterback Tom Brady announced his retirement yesterday, and said he plans to spend more time with breath-takingly hot [continue reading...]

Posted on September 18th, 2008

Matt Cassel prays science experiment ends world before Sunday

FOXBORO, MA—Newly-minted Patriots starting QB Matt Cassel has begun to pray that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) experiment in Geneva, Switzerland induces a cataclysmic reaction and ending all life on [continue reading...]

Posted on September 11th, 2008

Boston sports fans gear up for hockey season

BOSTON, MA -- Just two days after beloved New England Patriots QB Tom Brady went down with a season ending torn ACL, Boston fans have already started looking to the [continue reading...]

Posted on September 10th, 2008

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