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marijuana Archives

Phelps robs bank, kills man; USOC accepts apology

CHARLESTON, SC -- Olympic superstar Michael Phelps apologized to the nation today after security camera photos captured him robbing a Bank of America bank branch here in Charleston, and also [continue reading...]

Posted on February 6th, 2009

Phelps declares he’s going to win 15 gold medals in London to make up for recent misstep

BALTIMORE, MD -- An apologetic Michael Phelps has announced that he's going to win 15 gold medals at the London 2012 Olympics to make up for the embarrassment caused by [continue reading...]

Posted on February 3rd, 2009

Kelton family Olympics marred by doping scandal

DES MOINES, IA -- James Kelton had been looking forward to Friday for more than two years, and was in a positively giddy mood when he came home from his [continue reading...]

Posted on August 18th, 2008

Manny looking to alleviate summer boredom

Manny’s trying to alleviate boredom with Etch-a-Sketch activities…

BOSTON, MA -- As June comes to a close and baseball reaches the heart of its season, the wear of eighty-plus games is starting to take its toll on the [continue reading...]

Posted on June 30th, 2008

Noah too high to understand charges against son

Yannick Noah is almost certainly high in this picture

PARIS, FRANCE -- For all their strange behavior – and stranger hair – it seems that at least one age-old maxim applies to the Noah family: like father, like son. [continue reading...]

Posted on May 27th, 2008

League stunned by Howard’s admission

DALLAS, TX -- Josh Howard went on Michael Irvin's radio show in Dallas and changed the way he will be perceived in the NBA forever when he admitted that he [continue reading...]

Posted on April 28th, 2008

Jones confident plans to “smoke myself retarded” won’t affect reinstatement

DALLAS, TX -- With a trade to Dallas a possibility, Pacman Jones is singularly focused on getting reinstated to the NFL and continuing his football career, but the one-time Tennessee [continue reading...]

Posted on April 20th, 2008

Olympic torch dropped into San Francisco Bay

SAN FRANCISCO, CA -- In spite of protests and attempts to extinguish it, the Olympic torch had somehow survived its perilous trek across Europe and North America. That was before [continue reading...]

Posted on April 9th, 2008

Skiles thankful for holiday firing

CHICAGO, IL – After spending Christmas Day with his family – who had traveled to Chicago for the occasion – fired Bulls coach Scott Skiles seemed to have gained fresh [continue reading...]

Posted on December 26th, 2007

Williams buys testing company after reinstatement

MIAMI, FL –- An investigation by SSNN has revealed that running back Ricky Williams purchased a drug testing company immediately after his reinstatement into the NFL. "Ricky has a lot [continue reading...]

Posted on November 16th, 2007

Indians’ Byrd releases prescription history

CLEVELAND, OH -- In the interest of full disclosure, as well as saving his clean-cut reputation, Indians' pitcher Paul Byrd released his personal medical records to MLB and the sports [continue reading...]

Posted on October 22nd, 2007

Tank Johnson to sign autographs at Dallas Gun Show

DALLAS, TX -- Even though Tank Johnson has not yet played a down with his new team, he is already clearly a part of the Dallas Cowboys organization. Team owner [continue reading...]

Posted on October 19th, 2007

Henry fiasco gets stranger, suspension imminent

DENVER, CO -- Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry's career has taken yet another strange twist, an SSNN investigation revealed on Wednesday. The NFL granted Henry's request for a drug test [continue reading...]

Posted on October 12th, 2007

Henry excited for super bowl

DENVER, CO -- Sitting comfortably at a picnic bench at Denver Broncos' training camp, newly acquired running back Travis Henry took the opportunity to contemplate his future. Looking whimsically at [continue reading...]

Posted on August 7th, 2007

Vick’s dog tests positive

ATLANTA, GA -- In a report expected for weeks, Commissioner Maurice "Money" Thomkins of the World Dog Fighting Association (WDFA) announced Michael Vick's dog, Princess, had failed her latest drug [continue reading...]

Posted on June 13th, 2007

Not everyone boycotting Bonds’ big bash

ATLANTA, GA -- While many in the baseball world – including commissioner Bud Selig and Current Home Run King Hank Aaron – have said that they will not attend the [continue reading...]

Posted on June 4th, 2007

Williams files lawsuit

MIAMI, FL -- Suspended NFL player Ricky Williams filed a lawsuit at the Dade County Courthouse early Friday morning citing those he feels are responsible for his off-the-field issues. The [continue reading...]

Posted on May 26th, 2007

Williams confused, out until September

MIAMI, FL -- A source with the NFL has informed SSNN that Ricky Williams failed a drug test in April, and will now not be eligible to apply for reinstatement [continue reading...]

Posted on May 11th, 2007

Johnson, Okoye, Adams are blazers, not buffoons

NEW YORK, NY -- In a Pro Football Weekly article this week, Nolan Nawrocki writes that three projected Top 20 NFL Draft prospects - Calvin Johnson, Amobi Okoye and Gaines [continue reading...]

Posted on April 20th, 2007

Tank’s legal troubles continue

CHICAGO, IL -- Tank Johnson, who was sentenced to 120 days in jail on March 15, 2007 for illegal gun possession and posession of a controlled substance, began serving his [continue reading...]

Posted on April 6th, 2007

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