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Manny Ramirez Archives

Manny looking to alleviate summer boredom

BOSTON, MA -- As June comes to a close and baseball reaches the heart of its season, the wear of eighty-plus games is starting to take its toll on the [continue reading...]

Posted on June 30th, 2008

Satan to lead Celtics victory parade, collect on debt of souls

BOSTON, MA -- In celebration of their first NBA championship in 22 years, the city of Boston has scheduled a victory parade for their beloved Celtics. The parade will be [continue reading...]

Posted on June 18th, 2008

M.I.T. prof discovers equation to determine real age of Dominican players

BOSTON, MA -- M.I.T. mathematics professor James A. Howard has come up with a formula to determine the real age of Dominican-born Major Leaguers. An avid baseball fan, Professor Howard was [continue reading...]

Posted on June 3rd, 2008

Manny frightened by time travel, refusing to leave Japan

TOKYO, JAPAN -- The defending World Series Champion Boston Red Sox have returned home from Japan with a win, a loss, and a newfound respect for Japanese culture. One thing [continue reading...]

Posted on March 28th, 2008

Ramirez done “being Manny”

FORT MYERS, FL -- For years, Manny Ramirez's odd behavior – be it hiding out in the Green Monster, jamming to his iPod between innings or serially skipping the All-Star [continue reading...]

Posted on March 1st, 2008

Red Sox team bus made last-second stop at Sports Authority in Denver

DENVER, CO -- Local citizens at one of Denver's Sports Authority locations were treated to a surprise visit from the Boston Red Sox Saturday morning, as the team had to [continue reading...]

Posted on October 28th, 2007

Red Sox losing ways all part of master plan

BOSTON, MA -- In a surprise development late Wednesday, following a three-game sweep at the hands of the Blue Jays, Boston Red Sox starter Curt Schilling revealed that [continue reading...]

Posted on September 20th, 2007

Ramirez linked to alleged cock fight kingpin

BOSTON, MA -- Local authorities raided Manny Ramirez's second cousin's good friend's brother's home after a month-long investigation into an illegal cock-fighting ring. Police placed Gustavo Plocano Rodriguez-Montero under arrest [continue reading...]

Posted on May 3rd, 2007

Crisp changes name

BOSTON, MA -- It's not unheard of for a professional athlete to change their name during their career. NBA Hall of Famer Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was Lew Alcindor at UCLA, and [continue reading...]

Posted on April 18th, 2007

Green Monster attacks

BOSTON, MA -- Shortly after Wednesday's game between the Red Sox and Seattle Mariners, Fenway's famed Green Monster wall sprung to life and began eating everyone in sight. "Yeah, we [continue reading...]

Posted on April 12th, 2007

Gyroball impressive in Dice-K debut

BOSTON, MA -- New Boston Red Sox starter Daisuke Matsuzaka wowed fans, players and media in his first major league start on Thursday. He debuted his controversial gyroball, and [continue reading...]

Posted on April 5th, 2007

Manny Ramirez unaware of Matsuzaka signing

BOSTON, MA -- In town for a charity dinner event, Manny Ramirez was blindsided by reports that the Red Sox had signed Japanese free agent pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka. "That's news to [continue reading...]

Posted on December 14th, 2006

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