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Los Angeles Dodgers Archives
LOS ANGELES -- Manny Ramirez has been suspended for 50 games under the league's substance abuse policy after reports have surfaced that he's been injecting himself with various fruit juices [continue reading...]
Posted on May 7th, 2009
LOS ANGELES, CA—Fresh off of his rejection of the Dodgers’ latest contract extension, Manny Ramirez released a statement through his agent Scott Boras on Monday, in which the twelve-time all-star [continue reading...]
Posted on March 1st, 2009
LOS ANGELES, CA—No one is safe from economic hardships these days, not even the multi-billion dollar sports industry. Players, coaches, and owners alike have all felt the pinch of the [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2009
TRENTON, N.J. -- The world of Jason Ruffalo was thrown into upheaval this week when mustachioed L.A. Dodger second sacker Jeff Kent announced his retirement from baseball. "I had Jeff [continue reading...]
Posted on January 22nd, 2009
LOS ANGELES, CA -- A major hot stove story broke from the Los Angeles Dodgers today, where five-time All-Star and probable Hall-of-Famer Jeff Kent announced his retirement from Major League [continue reading...]
Posted on January 22nd, 2009

LOS ANGELES, CA -- A month after signing his new free agent deal with the Los Angeles Dodgers, Rafael Furcal has made a startling and troubling discovery. "I finally got my [continue reading...]
Posted on January 20th, 2009
OMAHA, NE—The Cornhusker State has been making headlines in recent weeks, with its “safe-haven” law—allowing parents to abandon their children at local hospitals without fear of reprisals—being prominently used by [continue reading...]
Posted on October 16th, 2008
BOSTON, MA -- A panicked Theo Epstein spent the entire evening Tuesday working the phones and his BlackBerry, attempting desperately to obtain a power hitter for the Red Sox lineup [continue reading...]
Posted on October 15th, 2008
LOS ANGELES and PHILADELPHIA -- Fox baseball announcer Joe Buck, overtaken with excitement about the National League Championship Series, has taken to describing the immense importance of ordinary events to [continue reading...]
Posted on October 14th, 2008
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y.—Stuart Weinstein, the mayor of Poughkeepsie, has reportedly invited Philadelphia Phillies pitcher Cole Hamels to attend his son’s wedding, in spite of the fact that Hamels has never met [continue reading...]
Posted on October 10th, 2008
PHILADELPHIA and HEAVEN -- A remorseful God, already reeling from a very taxing Day of Atonement, issued a tearful apology to the world's Jews for a scheduling snafu which saw [continue reading...]
Posted on October 9th, 2008
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN CHICAGO AND LOS ANGELES -- As the Chicago Cubs traveled toward Los Angeles down two games to none against the Los Angeles Dodgers, several of the Cubs' infielders [continue reading...]
Posted on October 3rd, 2008

LOS ANGELES, CA -- Manny Ramirez looked at his uniform today and was stunned to realize that he'd been given the uniform number 99 instead of 69, which he had [continue reading...]
Posted on August 28th, 2008

NEW YORK, NY -- Much to our collective surprise, SSNN has learned that Mike Piazza, future Hall of Fame catcher for the Dodgers, Mets and most recently the Padres and [continue reading...]
Posted on August 25th, 2008

LOS ANGELES -- In need of some more quickness and in an effort to comply with the Dodgers' clean dress code, Manny Ramirez had been talking about cutting off the [continue reading...]
Posted on August 18th, 2008

LOS ANGELES, CA -- In a controversial move, Dodgers General Manager Ned Colletti has issued an executive order requiring that Andruw Jones immediately begin taking a regiment of steroids. "I [continue reading...]
Posted on August 11th, 2008

MANHASSET, NY -- Rebecca Leiftowitz has had just about enough of her son Emmanuel "Manny" Leiftowitz's antics, and his excuses are starting to wear thin as well. "Emmanuel is such a [continue reading...]
Posted on August 6th, 2008

HOLLYWOOD, CA -- Looking to capitalize on his new locale, Manny Ramirez told SSNN he is hoping to get into the gay porn industry. The latest addition to the Los Angeles [continue reading...]
Posted on August 4th, 2008
LOS ANGELES -- Citing the "egregiously bad defense and lackluster effort" that Manny Ramirez brings to the table, the Los Angeles Dodgers have decided that they'll only be playing Matt [continue reading...]
Posted on August 2nd, 2008
PITTSBURGH, PA -- The Pittsburgh Pirates announced today that they are signing quadrennial presidential candidate Lyndon LaRouche, with the intention of amassing all living LaRoches/LaRouches on their roster. The [continue reading...]
Posted on August 2nd, 2008
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