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Kurt Warner Archives
Kurt Warner orders Whopper, declares faith to drive through attendant
PHOENIX, AZ -– Kurt Warner had just led the Arizona Cardinals a heartwrenching defeat in Super Bowl XLIII against the Pittsburgh Steelers, and he was exhaused. When the aging quarterback [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2009
Todd Haley to interview with Chiefs about the possibility of yelling at their players
KANSAS CITY, MO -- The Arizona Cardinals have granted permission to the Kansas City Chiefs, who wish to interview Arizona offensive coordinator Todd Haley. "We think Todd could [continue reading...]
Posted on February 4th, 2009
Obama bets stimulus plan on Super Bowl
WASHINGTON, DC -- President and number one sports fan Barack Obama has bet the future of the trillion dollar economic stimulus plan on the outcome of this weekend's Super Bowl [continue reading...]
Posted on January 30th, 2009
God to smite prayers at Super Bowl
HEAVEN -- God is mad as hell and he isn’t going to take it any more. The Almighty ripped Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner and Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu for [continue reading...]
Posted on January 29th, 2009
Kurt Warner regularly thanks God for Matt Leinart sucking
TAMPA, FL -- As a successful man of faith, Arizona Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner has often found himself giving thanks to his creator for the many good things that have [continue reading...]
Posted on January 27th, 2009
Cardinals receiver says Bernoulli Effect to blame for sideline spat
PHOENIX, AZ -- Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Anquon Boldin laughed off criticism of his nationally-televised animated argument with offensive coordinator Todd Haley, calling the disagreement “a minor spat over the [continue reading...]
Posted on January 24th, 2009
God tells Warner he’s rooting for Steelers
PHOENIX, AZ—As is his custom after every game, win or lose, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner did not visit clubs or hook up with groupies Sunday night after his team’s 32-25 [continue reading...]
Posted on January 21st, 2009
God tells Warner he’s rooting for Steelers
PHOENIX, AZ—As is his custom after every game, win or lose, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner did not visit clubs or hook up with groupies Sunday night after his team’s 32-25 [continue reading...]
Posted on January 20th, 2009
Utley to write inauguration speech for Obama; will be full of hope, optimism, profanity
PHILADELPHIA, PA -- The office of President-Elect Barack Obama announced today that Chase Utley, injured second baseman for the Philadelphia Phillies, has written Barack Obama's inauguration speech. "We are pleased to [continue reading...]
Posted on January 20th, 2009
Steelers still not sure who they’ll face in Super Bowl XLIII
PITTSBURGH, PA -- Though the glow from their AFC Championship victory over the Baltimore Ravens has yet to fully fade, the Pittsburgh Steelers are ready to move on and begin [continue reading...]
Posted on January 19th, 2009
UPDATE: Kurt Warner actually not giving a full $500 per player to charity this year
PHOENIX, AZ -- A very upset Kurt Warner contacted SSNN late Friday to inform the staff of a critical error in a story published Friday. SSNN published a story Friday that [continue reading...]
Posted on January 17th, 2009
Kurt Warner makes donations in his teammates name as a thank you for getting him to the Pro Bowl
PHOENIX, AZ -- On the eve of the franchise's biggest game in the last sixty years, the Arizona Cardinals clubhouse is in turmoil today after Kurt Warner gave presents to [continue reading...]
Posted on January 16th, 2009
Special to SSNN: Letter to the Editor from God regarding Kurt Warner-love
This is a special letter received by SSNN via tablet this morning. Dear Readers of SSNN: God here. Just want to let you know that I indeed was responsible for the [continue reading...]
Posted on November 12th, 2008
God actually went to bed before Kurt Warner thanked him in post-game interview
PHOENIX, AZ, and HEAVEN -- A red-faced God apologized to Kurt Warner today after revealing that indeed he had already shut off his television set and gone to bed before [continue reading...]
Posted on November 11th, 2008
St. Louis Cardinals bench Matt Leinart
ST. LOUIS, MO -- St. Louis Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa shocked the world today by announcing that he was proactively benching Matt Leinart in favor of and older, more experienced [continue reading...]
Posted on September 4th, 2008
Transcript of an audio recording capturing an exchange between Ken Whisenhunt and Kurt Warner of the Arizona Cardinals
[The following is an audio recording capturing an exchange between Arizona Cardinals head coach Ken Whisenhunt and Cardinals QB Kurt Warner] Kurt Warner: “Hey coach…” Ken Whisenhunt: “Hey Kurt, how’s [continue reading...]
Posted on September 2nd, 2008
Kurt Warner’s wife mistaken for Jimmy Clausen
Kurt Warner thought his visit back to the Super Bowl would recreate fond memories of his former self at his best. The 1999 MVP performance. The 73-yard touchdown completion to [continue reading...]
Posted on January 1st, 2008
Jesus loves Warner more than Kitna
GLENDALE, AZ -- In a much-hyped battle between outspoken Christian quarterbacks Kurt Warner and Jon Kitna, Jesus made his feelings more than apparent by bestowing a victory upon Warner's Arizona [continue reading...]
Posted on November 12th, 2007
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