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Jose Canseco Archives

Twins give Liriano ultimatum

MINNEAPOLIS, MN -- For seemingly the first time all season, Francisco Liriano and the Minnesota Twins are on the same page. Liriano has spent much of this year dominating for the [continue reading...]

Posted on July 26th, 2008

Canseco claims to have injected Barbaro and Seabiscuit with HGH

MIAMI, FL -- A chapter in former slugger Jose Canseco's new book Vindicated alleges new steroid claims, moving from the baseball world into that of competitive horse racing. Canseco, airing [continue reading...]

Posted on May 1st, 2008

MLB players urge Canseco to concentrate on family, hobbies instead of finishing new book

MIAMI, FL -- Nearly three years after Jose Canseco's highly controversial book Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits & How Baseball Got Big, the publishing world is abuzz with [continue reading...]

Posted on April 17th, 2008

Parents furious over Astros’ syringe giveaway promotion

HOUSTON, TX -- An embarrassed Houston Astros front office issued a statement today apologizing for a promotion gone awry. The club gave away free syringes to the first 1,500 kids [continue reading...]

Posted on April 10th, 2008

Improved HGH test jeopardizes Olympics

BEIJING, CHINA – The World Anti-Doping Agency announced today that new HGH testing kits will be given out to various testing labs in preparation for the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games. [continue reading...]

Posted on April 4th, 2008

Canseco’s testicles, Selig’s dour expression lead Cooperstown’s steroid exhibit

COOPERSTOWN, NY -- The Baseball Hall of Fame announced today that it has begun planning for an exhibit on steroids. The centerpiece of the exhibit will be a case displaying [continue reading...]

Posted on March 7th, 2008

Canseco receives top honor from American Turncoat Society

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- Former major league slugger José Canseco was honored in a lavish ceremony last night for his selfless, off-the-field work in baseball's fight against steroids. Canseco [continue reading...]

Posted on January 2nd, 2008

Mitchell Report more entertaining than Minority Report

NEW YORK CITY, NY -- In spite of the fact that it's a 409-page document that must be downloaded as a PDF from ESPN.com, an independent study has determined that [continue reading...]

Posted on December 18th, 2007

FROM THE ARCHIVES: ESPN, MLB to debut The Syringe Life

Sports and reality TV collide! Finally, the marriage we've all been waiting for... NEW [continue reading...]

Posted on December 12th, 2007

Mitchell Report to be released Thursday; Canseco totally calm

NEW YORK and MIAMI -- With the now-infamous Mitchell report finally coming on Thursday - and many baseball players anticipating being named - there is a lot of tension throughout [continue reading...]

Posted on December 11th, 2007

Autopsy reveals damage in Benoit’s brain

ATLANTA, GA -- Professional wrestler Chris Benoit suffered from head trauma that was likely a result of repeated concussions and could have contributed to the murder/suicide involving the wrestler and [continue reading...]

Posted on September 7th, 2007

Williams vows to change, take drug use seriously

MIAMI, FL -- After a record-breaking collegiate career, Ricky Williams' life as a pro football player has been a roller-coaster ride of success and disgrace. Since entering the NFL, the [continue reading...]

Posted on April 2nd, 2007

ESPN, MLB to debut The Syringe Life

NEW YORK, NY -- For the first time in history, one of the [continue reading...]

Posted on March 23rd, 2007

Yankees buy title

NEW YORK, NY -- Despite the fact that George Steinbrenner's Yankee organization has [continue reading...]

Posted on March 16th, 2007

“Dubya” pardons Canseco, McGwire, Palmeiro, Sosa

WASHINGTON, DC -- At a hastily-convened Rose Garden press conference yesterday afternoon, President George W. Bush announced that he had just signed a Presidential Pardon clearing Jose Canseco, Mark McGwire, [continue reading...]

Posted on January 22nd, 2007

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