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John McCain Archives

Obama bets stimulus plan on Super Bowl

WASHINGTON, DC -- President and number one sports fan Barack Obama has bet the future of the trillion dollar economic stimulus plan on the outcome of this weekend's Super Bowl [continue reading...]

Posted on January 30th, 2009

God tells Warner he’s rooting for Steelers

PHOENIX, AZ—As is his custom after every game, win or lose, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner did not visit clubs or hook up with groupies Sunday night after his team’s 32-25 [continue reading...]

Posted on January 21st, 2009

God tells Warner he’s rooting for Steelers

PHOENIX, AZ—As is his custom after every game, win or lose, Cardinals quarterback Kurt Warner did not visit clubs or hook up with groupies Sunday night after his team’s 32-25 [continue reading...]

Posted on January 20th, 2009

Obama doesn’t really have an issue with the way the Yankees spend money

HONOLULU, OAHU, HI -- President-elect and extreme sports fan Barack Obama is always willing to offer an opinion as to how the sports world can improve itself. However, when reached in [continue reading...]

Posted on December 24th, 2008

McCain throws red challenge flag on election

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Nearly a month and a half after the final results were tallied, Republican Presidential candidate John McCain has thrown his red challenge flag on the 2008 Election. "After [continue reading...]

Posted on December 16th, 2008

Obama proposes playoff to determine Secretary of State; Hillary Clinton slated for the play-in game

WASHINGTON, DC -- Barack Obama has taken his desire to see a BCS playoff to the extreme today, proposing an unusual playoff system to determine who will be the nation's [continue reading...]

Posted on November 20th, 2008

Lebron James taking Thursday off to get out the vote

CLEVELAND, OH -- Fresh off of a 41-point effort Tuesday night, and with the Cleveland Cavaliers riding a five-game winning streak, Lebron James informed head coach Mike Brown that he'll [continue reading...]

Posted on November 12th, 2008

McCain’s shuffleboard superstition proves unsuccessful

PHOENIX, AZ -- Every day that Americans went to vote, Barack Obama made sure to play basketball. It was a well publicized superstition that was faithfully observed Tuesday afternoon in [continue reading...]

Posted on November 6th, 2008

Tim Duncan writes-in Ron Paul

SAN ANTONIO, TX--All across the country today, millions of Americans will be exercising their right to elect their next president, a tradition carried on unbroken every four years since 1789. [continue reading...]

Posted on November 4th, 2008

Favre calls McCain, tells him how to beat Obama

PHOENIX, AZ -- John McCain received an unexpected call of support tonight, as Brett Favre announced that he'd phoned the Presidential candidate with some secret information about how to go [continue reading...]

Posted on November 4th, 2008

GroupWrite: Favre calls McCain, tells him how to beat Obama

SSNN is introducing a new feature in which we'll announce a headline and solicit input from our readers, that we'll put together into a story written by the readership. If [continue reading...]

Posted on November 2nd, 2008

BREAKING NEWS: McCain admits he doesn’t know who Hamels is; election in jeopardy

SCRANTON, PA -- This afternoon, John McCain held a town-hall style event at a VFW here. These events are considered to be McCain's specialty, but today, McCain made a costly [continue reading...]

Posted on October 30th, 2008

Palin’s clothing spree includes $84,000 worth of Chad Johnson jerseys

CINCINNATI, OH -- Many were outraged this week when it was discovered the GOP vice presidential nominee had spent $150,000 on new clothing since her selection to the ticket. However, all [continue reading...]

Posted on October 24th, 2008

Hockey players fight over politics with Palin in attendance

PHILADELPHIA, PA—The Philadelphia Flyers season-opener against New York made a few extra headlines than usual, thanks to the appearance of Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin, a self-described “hockey mom”, who [continue reading...]

Posted on October 12th, 2008

Bush convenes Congress to figure out who he should start between LT2, Ronnie Brown, and Frank Gore

WASHINGTON, DC -- President George W. Bush made an extremely unorthodox and frankly unprecedented move in the annals of American history Saturday, calling both houses of Congress together for an [continue reading...]

Posted on October 4th, 2008

Sarah Palin told Travis Henry that selling cocaine was legal

BILLINGS, MT -- Embattled former Denver Broncos running back, facing drug trafficking charges from the federal government, has an unusual excuse for his behavior. According to Henry, Republican vice presidential [continue reading...]

Posted on October 2nd, 2008

Angry Al Davis to run for President

OAKLAND, CA—Unsatisfied with running an NFL franchise and filled with contempt for the Washington establishment, and to a larger degree the human race in general, controversial football executive Al Davis [continue reading...]

Posted on October 2nd, 2008

McCain wants to postpone debate until fantasy baseball season is over

OXFORD, MS -- Citing the unbelievable pressures facing most fantasy baseball playing Americans and the heady times that are coming up this weekend, John McCain has proposed that the presidential [continue reading...]

Posted on September 26th, 2008

Millen joins McCain campaign

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Recently dismissed from his controversial tenure as President and CEO of the Detroit Lions, NFL pariah Matt Millen has announced he will be temporarily putting his football career on [continue reading...]

Posted on September 25th, 2008

Palin hoping for a lot of snow machine racing questions at VP debate

WASILLA, AK -- Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is apparently blowing off debate prep session after debate prep session, allegedly pinning her hopes on getting a lot of questions about [continue reading...]

Posted on September 25th, 2008

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